I was invisible in grade school, which is how I liked it, I guess. It did
get weird a few times. At least once a semester, a “really cool person”
would ask me if I was new. I lived in the same place, and went to the same
feeder schools, my whole childhood. No, I wasn’t new. I have never been new.
I didn’t care about my grades, or socialization, or my future. I could
always see how petty and unimportant everything was. Literally everything.
There was no point to any of our actions. I’ve heard people tell stories
about how they’ve helped people by their good deeds, but so what? Who cares
about helping those people? The only reason to make people’s lives better is
if they make other people’s lives better, but if you follow that logic trail
far enough, you’ll find out that it’s turtles...all the way up. It doesn’t
actually amount to anything. It’s just a pointless chain of meaninglessness.
It wasn’t until junior year of high school in philosophy class where I first
heard the term antinatalism. I was honestly blown away by it. Everything the
text said about it felt like I was the one who wrote it. I came up with the
concept all by myself, I just didn’t know someone had done the same before
me. There must be others like me, right? We could be spread out and quiet,
but they had to be there somewhere? I discovered there was this whole online
community of like-minded individuals who saw the world as I did. I learned
more about the movement from them, and for the first time in my life, I felt
seen. I felt like I wasn’t crazy. It legitimized my whole everything. I had
to know more. I had to know how we could get the word out there. Other
people needed to understand that the things we said made sense, and it wasn’t
just nihilistic bullcrap. Needless to say, any efforts I made to spread the
word were as fruitless as life itself is.
There’s a lot of misinformation about antinatalism that I felt obligated to
clear up. We don’t advocate for murder, for suicide, or even abortion,
though some might be leaning towards that. I suppose I can only give you my
perspective, but others come to it from different angles. There is so much
suffering in the world, and there are so many people who could be easing
that suffering, or who are actively causing it in the first place. So
basically if you do that math by eliminating not only all the bad, but all
the causes of the bad, the equation amounts to zero. The only way to reach a
state of zero war, zero hunger, and zero pain is...wait for it, zero people.
There will always be conflict, and hatred, and strife unless we discontinue
the human race. To our knowledge, no one has ever even once asked to be
born. It is always forced upon us, and what results is a life of sadness and
disappointment. I can’t say whether the good outweighs the bad, or the other
way around, but the way I see it, it doesn’t matter. I know that the bad is
too much; it weighs the goodness down enough to warrant getting rid of it.
And like I said, the only way to get rid of it is to not exist. Nothing else
has worked so far, and I see no reason for it to start working now. As I
mentioned, we’re not about suicide. If you’re suicidal, and you want help,
you should go seek that help. I’m not personally going to help you, but I
will neither stop you, nor encourage you. But I’ve always been reckless,
because living my life with such care when I don’t believe anyone else
should ever be born from this moment on would feel like hypocrisy to me. I
came to these woods to see the beauty, because being away from people is the
only time I ever feel moderately content. But as the hypothermia slowly
takes over, all I can think is, I don’t wanna die.
No comments :
Post a Comment