2021 Story Archive





January 2021
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D.B. Cooper TruthMy name is Danko Bartolomew Cooper, and I'm a time traveler. I can't just go anywhere in the timeline that I want. I have to be falling first. The faster and farther I fall, the further I can go, and making these calculations can be a real pain. But it's worth it. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisEvery Thursday, it's the same thing. I don't normally drive down this street, but it's the quickest route to work after I drop my dog off at daycare. I've been using my maps app every day, not because I don't know where I'm going, but I like to watch the traffic. #ModusTenebris
“Joke”I'm Nick Fisherman, and I can't be sure I approve this message. You see, I shot this separately from the commercial you just saw. All parts of a commercial are shot separately, which means they could tack this at the end of anything, and make it look like I approve of whatever.
Story Quote"If you don’t like it, *tive criticism is fine, but don’t go around calling me a * * * *, or a * * * who can’t even * when * is on *, you piece * *, standing there with * and * * * shoelaces around your *. Okay, maybe some of these will be a little funny." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthI love to travel, and to be in places that I'm not supposed to. I can't go watch dinosaurs roam the Earth, but I can witness recent human history unfold, and gain perspective about civilization. I try not to change the past, though. I've never been one to meddle. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisAt this one spot, the app goes into dark mode. It stays there for about two seconds, and then goes back to normal. It happens without fail, and of course that's not a big deal, whatever, but I've always wondered just what the heck is going on. Why does it do that? #ModusTenebris
“Joke”I'm a brony, man; just a brony. Just brony. Jabroni.
Story Quote"Zek activated the rendezvous card by flicking it out of her hand, which transported them to some unknown location in the middle of the forest. They were alone, but not for long. Pretty soon, several spots before them started warping with technicolors." #darningwars #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthMy life was pretty great. I could find a cliff here, or a two story building there, and that would let me go back in time as far as I wanted to go. But I'm not the only time traveler, and no one else has my crazy falling limitation, and not all of them are nice. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisThere was a snowstorm the night before, and the roads are dangerously slick. I get a text after I've already dropped Daisy off, alerting me that work is closed. A lot of people in the office can work from home, but I can't, so I basically have the day off for free. #ModusTenebris
“Joke”Your rapper name is the first word you ever spoke when no one was around to hear you, plus the last thing you said before you died. Mine is Albuquerque It Tastes Like Cyanide.
Story Quote"Without being asked, Imzadi teleported them to the bottom of the Mariana Trench, where they found themselves floating in the middle of an extensive underwater city. The Parallel natives saw everywhere as a place to live. Seemed too dangerous to Mateo." #salmonverse #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthMy ability has its limits because I always have to find the right height to fall from. I met this other traveler who had no such limits, and I don't know what I did to piss him off, but whatever it was, it was enough to make him feel like he had to trap me in 1971. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisWhat should I do with my extra time? Why, I should investigate this weird dark mode glitch. It's probably just an error in the app, but again, I got all this time, so I might as well see. I turn around, and drive back past the block. Then I do it a few more times. #ModusTenebris
Fake ConversationMy parole officer's nephew: "Why is there a dead fly in this cabinet?" // Me: "That's where it goes."
Story Quote"Anyway, I keep *, and the *er I make it into the *, the calmer I begin to *. The noises of the * fade, and I find myself *, which is how I always liked it before I met *. Maybe * aren’t so bad after all. Maybe I’m just a * grump. Wouldn't that be just *?" #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthNow, I like 1971 as much as the next guy, but only as a visitor. I wouldn't want to live here full time. There aren't any computers, and it kind of has this certain smell. I have two options to get out of here. I can make a series of short jumps…or one big jump. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisThere's not much that I can do to test this glitch, but I can get out, and see if it happens while I'm walking. I mean, I shouldn't, because it's well below freezing, but I do it, because it's important that I not be productive today. That would be a true waste. #ModusTenebris
Random NothingLou Diamond Phillip Seymour Hoffman. That is all.
Story Quote"Shortly after I * here, I was so paranoid about that possibility that I * this place apart, looking for surveillance *. I didn’t find *ing, but I’m not getting my deposit *, that’s for *. I didn’t ________ destroy the place, but I did cause a * damage." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthEach method comes with problems. The short jumps will tire me out, as they always do. I normally have to take a day or two to recover, and that's a lot of time for as far forward as I have to time travel. The big jump is a problem, because I can't get up that high. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisWalking actually does help, because it's much more precise. Now I can see that dark mode turns on just as I cross what I assume is the property line for this one particular house. As soon as I cross back out of it on the other side, it turns off. It's this house. #ModusTenebris
NanostoryInterpreter: "The seer says that the sun will explode in ten billion years. Wait, I translated this wrong. Ten billion nanoseconds, he said. Wait…that's only, like, ten sec—oh, crap."
Story Quote"It’s more * to get trapped in an off-* conversation with each *. My co-*s were always just hanging out in *, and not in a way that let me * out either. We weren’t * with business yet, so we all had to * around anyway. It was so pointless, really, I * it." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthI'm leaning towards the big jump, because I did once try a series of short jumps by skipping a few steps, and not only did it tire me out, but it completely stopped working for a few days. I never knew if I was just out of shape, or if it was a built-in limitation. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisThe house doesn't look different than any of the others in this neighborhood. It has brick siding on the bottom, and vinyl above, and a garage that comes all the way out from the façade. It's weed-free, and well-maintained. I would call it perfectly unremarkable. #ModusTenebris
NanostoryDon't ask for whom the bell tolls. It just does that every day; we don't know why.
Story Quote"I’m worried it’s a * that will destroy the *, though, so I spend the next * looking for my old *. I mean, this * is ancient. It still boots up, but the * I’m not using my * computer is because I don’t want there to be any * of the * connecting to the *." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthHow can I get up high enough for a big jump? I could jump off the highest building around, and just do that multiple times, but then people will start noticing that a man keeps jumping, and disappearing for years before resurfacing. We don't need that attention. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisI only notice a difference when I step off of the sidewalk, and onto the private walkway, which I know I shouldn't do. There's no sign that says no solicitors, or one claiming that they'll shoot trespassers, but I just have to know. It's warmer. It's a lot warmer. #ModusTenebris
NanostoryDon't count your chickens before I'm done killing the ones I don't like.
Story Quote"There are, after all, seven and a half billion people, or so. So what if someone did that? Made a restaurant just for the weirdos like me? You wouldn’t have to eat anything you didn’t want, but you would be encouraged to try other people’s odd favorites." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthI think about it hard, but I already know I have only one good option. Well, I probably can't call it a good option, but it's the only viable one, at the very least. I need a plane. I need to jump out of a plane. That shouldn't be too hard, right? Piece of cake. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisThere is something very, very weird about this house, and I'm in too deep. If I don't go ring the doorbell, the mystery is going to keep me up at night for the rest of my life. I'm not brave, but I figure my car is parked nearby, so they'll find my body eventually. #ModusTenebris
NanostoryI sometimes like to kidnap two percent of the people in a small town, and leave their belongings right where people last saw them; ya know, to make the rest of the town think their neighbors all went insane and ran off somewhere naked.
Story Quote"It was kind of a coincidence that both parent species chose to seed life on the same planet, except it wasn’t that far-fetched, because there were a finite number of hospitable worlds available, and humans wanted to live everywhere they possibly could." #darningwars #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthJumping out of a plane isn't any more dangerous than jumping off the roof of a building. Both will kill me; one will just do it faster. Still, I've never tried it before, and I'm very nervous about it. Finding the right pilot to take me up is my first step, though. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisA large needle comes out of the doorbell as I push it. It comes out fast, and goes all the way through my finger. I thought I've felt pain before, but this is several levels above that. There's nothing I can do now except fall to my back and hope for a quick death. #ModusTenebris
“Joke”Italian angels speak gnocchian.
Story Quote"People were already living in megastructures that avoided damaging large swathes of land by going more vertical. There were plans to take this further, and start hanging all of their structures from orbit, so they never had to touch the ground at all." #salmonverse #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthI'm an idiot. Even though I have to keep my time travel a secret, it's just not in my nature to lie. So when I try to go up in the air with a skydiver, and I reject the parachute, he immediately assumes I'm trying to kill myself, and of course, doesn't let me jump. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisI roll to my stomach as I'm screaming as loud as possible. A desperate young woman is trying to get her dog to poop in the yard next door, and she doesn't hear me. She might not even see me. I may have slipped past the veil of death already without realizing it. #ModusTenebris
“Joke”It's not illegal to take your clothes off on television, but I wouldn't recommend it. It would have to be a really strong TV to support your weight while you're taking off your clothes.
Story Quote"I didn't know that * could talk, but I've always *ed to * with *s. I've been so * curious what they're *ing about, how * they are, and most importantly, what they * of humans. I am no linguistic *, but I did study it in *, and this is a * opportunity." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthNo problem, I figure. I can find any random small airplane pilot to take me up, and I'll be much more discreet this time. I'll even wear the parachute, then just not deploy it. But news travels fast in the overworld of skydiving. They all know to look out for me. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisThe door opens, but I'm unable to look back before a pair of hands grasps me at the ankles and pull me into the house alarmingly fast. I can see the door slam shut on its own just before I round the corner. The evil hands continue to drag me throughout the house. #ModusTenebris
Random NothingDo not fire until you see the blues of my eyes. When my eyes turn blue, it means it's become too cold for my body, and I need you to start the fire again.
Story Quote"I saw one a few * back where the * date was the same as the * date. What * there? I mean, I * what happened *. But how did the * react, and what became of * afterwards? It * have been heart*, I don’t know what I would have done if I were a * of that *." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthThe more I try to find a pilot who doesn't know who I am, or what I'm supposedly planning to do, the harder it becomes. What is going on with these people? It's 1971, but they're acting like they already have access to some kind of global microblogging platform. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisDid I say house? It's more like a castle, and bigger on the inside. We go down two flights of stairs, and then up three, and then down one, which for anyone keeping track, should leave us back on the ground floor. But who knows, right? This is supernatural anyway. #ModusTenebris
NanostoryI invented cookies, and I invented cream, but it was entirely different genius who thought to put them together. We finally met 90 years later, and ended up being married for the next 250.
Story Quote"It’s stuck in the * as much as I’m trapped on this *. I think at any * that I should * up and discover this is nothing * than a *, but that never happens. Perhaps a *ulation? The ceiling * belonged to a virtual * company. Yeah, that must be the *, right?" #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthNow my only hope seems to be getting myself on a regular passenger jet, but that can't possibly work. I would have to open the door while it's in the sky, and that's dangerous for everyone else. I would need to get everyone else off of it first, and that's a crime. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisFinally the dragger stops, and leaves me on the floor for a moment. I want to turn over so I can at least see what's about to kill me, but I'm in way too much pain. It's a miracle I've survived this far. It doesn't let me rest long before it lifts me into the air. #ModusTenebris
Fake ConversationTow Dispatch: "We can have a truck out to you in an hour. What kind of car are you driving?" // Me: "Uhh…looks like a Honda Airbag." // Dispatch: "That is not the model, sir." // Me: "Honda…Passenger Airbag?" // Dispatch: "Did you steal this vehicle, sir?" // Me: *hangs up*
Story Quote"Plenty of * don’t go to * , and they lead very * lives. Not * can be the CEO of a multinational *, and it’s foolish to dig yourself into a mountain of * just on the fraction of a * chance that it all comes * for you. I choose to be *istic, and I won’t *." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthIt is a crime I'm willing to commit. The ends justify the means. I don't want to spend another day in 1971. It's already made me crazy enough to hijack a damn airplane. How bad will it get if I stay here any longer? I sit down, and start working out the details. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisIt slams me against the wall, and looks into my eyes. Its own eyes are down on its chin, while its ears are hanging underneath. A very large mouth is in the middle of its head, with sharp teeth, and a shockingly pleasant smell. I can't find its own nose, though. #ModusTenebris
Random NothingI'm always looking for that sweet, sweet sign that reads LLAMAS PERMITTED.
Story Quote"I roll my *, and take a kitchen * out of the *. I hand it to *, and before I can lay down some * rules, she slides the * across my *. It *. I don’t know what I * was going to *, but not this. This hurts. This is what * feels like? * feel this all the *?" #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthMy main priority is keeping other people safe, though the plan itself is risky. I could live my life from here on out, and while I would hate it, at least no one else would suffer. But it will be okay. I can escape and protect the other passengers simultaneously. #DBCooperTruth
Modus TenebrisThe creature hisses at me. "Why have you come?" // "I was curious," I answer, wishing I could wipe the blood from my lips. // "Curious about what?" it hisses back. // "My phone," I say. "It goes into dark mode as I pass." // "What is dark mode? That sounds fun." #ModusTenebris
NanostoryI'm writing a screenplay about a kid who finds a meteor in the woods, and then gets superpowers. He doesn't get the powers from the meteor, though. He buys them from an urban wizard later that day. I guess I don't know why there's a meteor at all; it never comes up again.
Story Quote"They looked at her, a little shocked, but not completely surprised. They knew she was all gung ho about killing the Ochivari, but she was also quite protective of her universe, and if keeping this ship around put it in danger, was that worth the risk?" #darningwars #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthI also need to spend a lot of time working on the math. One thing I've not yet mentioned is that I can't choose when the actual jump occurs. It will always happen just before I hit the ground. I guess it's the sick joke part of my amazing time traveling ability. #DBCooperTruth
Modus Tenebris"The screen just turns darker, so it doesn't block you from seeing the road." // "That does not sound very fun," it says angrily. "You deceive me with your words!" // "I meant no disrespect." // "I suppose I can forgive the mistake of a human." // "What are you?" #ModusTenebris
“Joke”I have no disappointments, no shames, nor egrets. I've had a little bit of heron.
Story Quote"Mateo reached to the back of his neck, even though he was pretty sure he wasn’t in his body anymore anyway, and this was about as real as any dream. The patch was gone, as was the pain, but he still felt some connection to it. Perhaps he always would." #salmonverse #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthA skydiving plane would be perfect, because they only go up to about 3,000 meters, which is exactly what I need for the math to work out. So now I need to work out the social aspect of this plan, to make sure the pilot flies at the altitude I need, and no higher. #DBCooperTruth
Modus Tenebris"You could not pronounce my name with your tongue," the creature answers. "You can call me Bringer of Death." // "Okay. Would you please let me go, Bringer of Death?" // "Will you run?" // "I cannot run," I reply truthfully. // "I am not surprised." He releases me. #ModusTenebris
NanostoryMy species evolved with what essentially come down to taste buds in our butts. Evolutionary biologists claim our ancestors used to be able to detect medical conditions through our stool, but I hesitate to believe that. My theory is that we were genetically engineered as a joke.
Story Quote"One *, I even slipped in one of my real *, just to see how it would be *. It didn’t get great *, but they actually weren’t that bad. There were just fewer of them this time, because fewer * were * in providing their *. It was only an ex*, so that’s fine." #clozetests #fishquotes
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D.B. Cooper TruthThis flight to Seattle seems a good of a choice as any. It really doesn't matter, as long as it can reach the right altitude. I can't believe I'm actually doing it, hijacking a plane. But I have to get home, it's killing me here. It's too far…too far in the past. #DBCooperTruth
Modus Tenebris"I did not know what I would find in this house," I say as I'm massaging my neck and chest. "I would not have approached if I had. I would very much like to leave, and forget this ever happened." // "You think I will be so easily fooled?" The Bringer of Death asks. #ModusTenebris
NanostoryI like the part of the movie #Breakthrough where the mother drags her son's hospital bed back to the water and drowns him again. I watched it out of the corner of my eye on someone else's screen on an airplane, so I'm not sure what drove her to do this.
Story Quote"Where do these * end? Well, some will * you into another human *, but others lead to an *, or even an insect. Some of them exit right back * at the *, so you can * again, and a few will * you into an * worker, like the * who’s explaining all this to *." #clozetests #fishquotes
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February 2021
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March 2021
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April 2021
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May 2021
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June 2021
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July 2021
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August 2021
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September 2021
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October 2021
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November 2021
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December 2021
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