Headlines

Microstory 500: Headlines (Introduction)

It wasn’t until I was thirteen years old when I realized that I should grow up to become a fulltime writer. Before that, I was into science; specifically meteorology, biochemistry, and quantum physics. A failing grade in the middle of the year for eighth grade science class swiftly quashed that dream. Only my interest in physics has remained from all that. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t until college that I decided to focus on science fiction, and I subsequently started shoveling as much scifi TV and movies into my brain as I could find. Before all this happened, however, I was already a writer. I just didn’t understand how powerful that aspect of me would become. I would visit my grandparents just under an hour away in Lawrence, Kansas on a regular basis. While I was there, I would walk myself down to the library, sign in to use a computer, and get to work. What would I write? Short stories? Little jokes? Fan fiction? No, my first personal experiences with writing involved little fake news stories. I would write about the world ending from the perspective of one of the last journalists. I would write about other planets, and science experiments gone wrong, and who knows what else? I remember printing them all out, but I cannot for the life of me remember what I did with them after that. I certainly don’t have access to them now. This was before flashdrives, and I don’t think those old PCs had internet access. Since then, I’ve developed a massive canon called recursiverse with hundreds of named characters having adventures and tribulations on thousands of named planets over the course of billions of years. Then there’s my salmonverse canon, the scope of which is yet to be determined. I’ve written jokes, poems, microstories, songs, short stories, fan fiction, original novels, graphic novels, television shows, and movies. I’ve planned about 70 TV series, designed to be released through the year 2066. All of eight of them are not connected to other narratives. This either sounds like I’m crazy, or trying to brag, or both. It’s both. The sad part is that there is a strong possibility that none of them will see the light of day, just like those fake news articles I wrote when I was a little tiny baby boy baby. Here’s the thing, though, these fake articles I’ll be writing for the next twenty weeks will indeed be released. I’m going to be working on this website through 2066 no matter what, and it’s going to result in at least 150 self-published books guaranteed. So do not pity me. Just sit back and supplement the onslaught of celebrity nipslips and political nightmares with a little news...from the other side. Welcome...to Headlines.

New Hitch Series Moving Forward Deformed Wolves Come Out of Hiding Deering Method Ready for Human Patients Why Does the Destruction Destroy? New Mission to Keres Most Ambitious Yet Amadesin Remnant Hiding in Higher Dimensions Human Visitors Claim to be From Another Universe Landslide Vote in Favor of Rename to ‘Martian’ Grandmother in the Moon Continues to Elude Authorities Aleri War Commences After Sublight Delay First School Based on Alto Technology Opens The Boy With No Country WARP Lantern Accident Damages Artwork Martian Law Enforcement Approves ‘Culmination’ Coven Woman Uses Telekinesis to Tear Planet in Half Dasha Sinclair Interview Transcript A Look at a Crew Ship Heavy World Subspecies Created Humans Claim to be From Another Galaxy Lone Survivor of Plane Crash Missing Vampir-Human Hybrid Baby Dies Anakro Biotech Reawakens Extinct Animals The End of Time…Travel Trackstar Uses Chemicals to Enhance Speed Savons Are Barely Not Human Lactean Irritants Possess Cloning Technology Mysterious Savior May Not Have Abilities So-called Light Wars Begin Over Earth What Happened to the Flowers? Major Drug Bust in Carolina Special Devices Allow Elves to Swim Government Approves Flashbacking Interrogation Man Claims to Know Where Flipcoats Come From Cause of Strange Weather Events in Bellevue Found Suspended Animation Essentially Achieved Meganexa Completed, Core Construction Finished What Will Happen When Mosi Jengo Dies? Small Military Contingency Remains to Help Keres Last Human Alive Writes News Article Telepathic Students Cheating on Tests New Planet Discovered From an Early Exodus Starscapers Hopes to Rival Magnus Immortality Ashil to Become Site of First Off-world Settlement Attack on Asexual Headquarters; Amadesins Take Credit New Home Galaxy Detected 55 MLY Away Drug Problem Increases; Earthan Psychiatrists Deveiled Solange Attar Coming to Wyoming What Makes Edward’s Haven Special and Exclusive? Bellevue Increasing Scope to Utah Second Day of No Death Crash at Same Location

Defense System Test Reveals Dangerous Flaws Woman Reaches Naked Orange Plex Swimming Area Hospitals Experiencing Impossible Cures Telescope Reveals Most Planets Aren't Flat Battleship Participating in War Games Goes Missing Are Criminals Running The Core? Tissue & Organ Replacement Prices Dropping Spacetime Tear May Lead to A Planet in the Future Magnus Immortality Claimed to Be Real Child Pulls God Down From Sky Bellevue Publicly Condemns GRC Growth First Completely Self-Sufficient Building To Open The Quake That Never Was Prisoners Fall Off the Face of Gavismet Government Used Interstellar Travel for Decades Experiments Increase Animal Intelligence Spontaneous Human Combustion Proved Inaccurate Once Again No Winner For Seven Day Wonder Brooks Clothing Opens in Kansas City Dwyn Rinen Lands on Moon Calendar Reset to Zero Following Fall of Civilization Amnesia Patients Receive Erroneous Memory Infusions News brief: Jarl Found Dead; Thralls Missing Infamous Amadesin Refugee Rescuer Identified Sunken Russian Passenger Submarine Found Construction on Verge Planet Complete Evidence of Illegal Human Experiments Uncovered Operator Cult Growing Every Day Rangers Assure Public ‘Vampire Uprising’ Unlikely The Return of Meteora? World Leaders Debate Universal Identity Artificial Gestation Perfected New Home Hair Management Products Fairies Leave the Planet Aerial Broadcasting Terminals Unsafe, Scientists Say ‘My Miacid, Sid’ Author Returning to Kansas City ‘Adventures of Conundrum & Treemaker’ Cancelled Outsiders Selected to Crew Theseus Extinct Human Civilization Discovered on Exoplanet Operator Halts All Ploutonic Enterprises Operation Visitors Have Yet to Leave Ship Surviving AMF Platoon Primarily Incipiants Prophet Warner Clemons’ Death Ruled Murder Miscalculation of Largest Particle Accelerator in the World Atlantis Will Sink Claims of New Anomaly Revealed Erroneous Last Giant Dies Group of Ambers Provide Aid Following Disaster; Form Paramilitary ‘Brigade’ How PROSAIC Took Over the World