Microstory 212: Run for Your Lice!

It was a very lousy day. I made a whole bunch of new friends, and when I went into school the next morning, I gave some of my friends to my classmates. When our teacher found out, she made us stay in the room, even though Tommy had to go to the bathroom real bad. Some adults in white coats came in and we all had to go to the gymnasium. We stood in line for a long time, but they weren’t telling us why. Finally, when I got closer, I learned that the white coats just wanted to kill all my friends. I couldn’t let that happen, and so I bolted from the building, running into several of the other children. People started chasing after me, but I was the fastest in my grade. There was no way I was going to get caught. I weaved through the cars in the parking lot and sprinted across the soccer field. I found myself in a real pickle when I reached the corner. The light was red, but the white coats were catching up to me, and so I did something drastic. I ran across the street that was already blinking red and counting down. You’re not supposed to cross unless the light was white when you started. I thought I was home free, and that they were going to have to wait for the light to turn back, but they didn’t. A police officer held his hand out and stopped the cars from going so that she and white coats could safely get across. Rats! I had to think fast. Mommy told me never to go into the woods, but I had no choice. I slipped through the trees and continued to run. Amazingly enough, the white coats continued to chase after me. What was with these people and their obsession with murdering the only friends I’ve had since we moved? The forest is thick, but not deep. I could hear music, cheering, and other loud noises coming from up ahead. It was a parade. I raced through the crowd, my long and beautiful hair brushing up against the strangers, giving them new friends just like mine. I managed to escape, and I’ve been running ever since. So yeah, I’m sorry. I am the one responsible for the infestation that ended civilization fifteen years ago. Sue me.

Microstory 42: New World

A few months ago, while I was on a road trip, the world ended. I won’t get into specifics about what went wrong, but it happened quickly, and very few of us survived. I’ve encountered a few camps in the area. The majority of them were fine people. Post-apocalyptic films like to show how twisted people will become in dire situations, but most of us are just trying to find our way through this new world. After feeling like I’ve exhausted the resources, I get into the fastest car I can find, and leave. So I’m driving down the highway, going at least 90 miles per hour, when I hear and see flashing lights behind me. Guy doesn’t know who he’s messing with. I speed up and just try to ignore him. He matches my speed and gets on the intercom, instructing me to pull over. I can’t keep this up. I’ll eventually need to get some gas, so I concede to his demands and check my weapons. Then I step out and point my shotgun towards him. He gets out and protects himself with his car door, shouting at me to put down my weapon. I don’t, of course, so he calls back-up. More police cruisers arrive. What a bunch of dishonorable people, pretending to be law enforcement officers in a time like this. Outnumbered, I give in and disarm myself. The first “cop” stuffs me in the back of his car and drives me into the city where I see tons of other cars driving around; far more than there should be, statistically speaking. All I can think is, “dawut?” After much confusion in the interrogation room, I’m finally able to convey to them that it doesn’t matter how fast I was going, because the world’s ended. They look at me like I’m crazy, and end up showing me a park where children are playing without a care in the world.

Another cop finally figures out where the misunderstanding was coming from. “Oh, no,” he says. “The world hasn’t ended. That’s just what Independence, Missouri looks like.”