Everyone in the galaxy has a right to immortality, unless they lose it by
committing a severe enough crime, but not all forms of immortality are
created equal. We’re all ageless, but how old you look—and feel—when you
stop aging, is dependent upon a number of factors. You can be awarded
lagomorphic status, as they call it, upon your own merits. Good people lead
infinite lives, unless they become bad, in which case their lagomorphicity
can be removed from them. Some buy their way into status, often worried that
they won’t be worthy of achieving it on their own, or because they’re
children whose parents don’t have confidence in them. But again, just
because you’ve been accepted into the program, doesn’t mean you’re going to
be young and healthy forever. There are three primary classes of lagomorphic
immortals. Pikas appear as children, which could mean they were children
when they underwent the procedure, or because their age was sufficiently
reversed. They may not have been the one to make this choice. The most
common of the lagomorphs are Rabbits, who look like adults. The last class
are the Hares, which is what I have recently become. They’re not constantly
on the brink of death, but they’re not super healthy either. I suppose I
should be saying we at this point. I would rather be a Rabbit. Pikas are
often not taken seriously, because they look so young, but at least they’re
healthy. Hares, like me now, apparently, are riddled with general aging
problems, which can’t really be treated. We suffer for eternity. There is
one upside in that we’re the ones who run the government. We make decisions
about who receives the gift, and what kind. We can even transition people at
will. I know what you’re thinking, but no, we can’t later choose to change
ourselves into Rabbits or Pikas. That would be a conflict of interest, and a
gross abuse of power.
Most of the time, a Hare has become that way because they have spent a
lifetime proving themselves to be up to the challenge, and have kept
themselves on track. They have usually refused to be turned into Rabbits
specifically so they might one day be entrusted with the ongoing prosperity
of our culture. Occasionally—and it is incredibly rare, according to
everything I have ever heard about Hares—someone will be aged forward so
that they become an elder after having only lived a relatively low number of
mortal years. Why this happens is a closely guarded secret. It’s happened to
me, and I still don’t know whether someone did it on purpose, or if my body
reacted to the treatment in a unique way. I don’t know why I’m like this. As
I said, I’ve always just wanted to be a normal Rabbit. I have no interest in
making decisions, or in wearing a diaper until the end of time. I don’t
think all Hares have to do that, but it’s not unheard of, and no thank you.
Right now, I’m waiting in The Great Hall for someone to retrieve me, and
give me some sort of assignment. I’m sure most people understand the process
at this point, but I don’t pay much attention to politics, so I don’t know
how the distribution of power works. It’s been two hours. I would complain
about them making an old man wait this long, but they’re old too, so they’re
probably pretty slow. Finally, the gargantuan doors open, and I just get the
feeling that I’m meant to step in. I walk up to the Grand Council, and stand
before them patiently. I have never even seen their faces before. Honestly,
it’s a huge honor. “Welcome. The sad news is that a member of our council
has chosen to die after centuries of service. The bad news is...you were
selected to replace her.”
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