I dedicated my life to the attainment of absolute goodness and purity. I
believe in evil. I believe in the Devil. And of course, I believe in God. I
was born into a family of hedonistic atheists, who cared for nothing but
earthly pursuits. They did not study the bible, and they had no faith. For
the ones who died before me, I know that they are now in hell. They have to
be, for they did not heed the word of our Lord and Savior. I heed it, and
it’s all thanks to an amazing little girl I met on the school bus. She went
real dark for our first discussion, talking about God’s wrath, and the
punishment man has faced due to his sins. I was so scared, I went straight
to church immediately after school, and had to walk all the way back home
afterwards. My parents were so upset and worried, but they should have been
worried for themselves. For I had just begun the long walk on a road of
righteousness, and they were filled to the brim with sin. It was not easy,
learning everything I needed to be a good Christian, but I never gave up,
and I never compromised. Here’s what I believe. I believe that a woman has
the right to choose what to do with her own body...unless that choice
affects the life of another. I can’t understand how it could be any other
way. Yes, you have personal autonomy, but so does the child. You cannot take
that away from it. I mean, it’s not okay to kill people after they’re born,
is it? I mean, I guess you have to if you’re in a war. And I suppose some
criminals need to be dealt with to a level of irreversibility. This world
must be cleansed from sin, and sometimes death is the only way to achieve
that goal. But that baby is not evil, is it? I mean, I guess it is,
because of original sin. But still, leave it alone!
The point is that there is only one path to Heaven, and I’ve finally reached
the end of it, so my reward is near. All those people, dedicating their time
to worthless endeavors, like the accumulation of wealth. I earned my money
the right way, by raising and slaughtering cattle to nourish the world by my
man’s side. I do not value material possessions. I constructed a large house
to shelter my family, because God says to be fruitful and multiply. I own a
nice car, so I don’t have to buy a new one every year. I make it last at
least five years, or it gets too old, it’s not worth it anymore. I shop at
boutique shops, because they always have the best stuff. And of course, I
eat gourmet food, because that is the healthiest kind. But other than that,
my entire self is devoted to God, and his teachings. Everything I do is to
serve him, and his will. I haven’t even counted the number of people that
I’ve converted to the side of light using The Good Word. Though I’m sure
they number in the thousands; maybe even tens of thousands. But you don’t
hear me bragging about that, because pride is a deadly sin. I am a sinful
woman, just like anyone, but I make up for it, unlike all those other people
who insist on spitting in the face of truth. I can’t wait to see what the
eternal paradise looks like. Oh, it will be so grand. Every need will be
provided for me, and I shall sit under the throne of our Creator. This is
it; it’s everything that I’ve been working for. All those backbreaking hours
at the charity galas and church bake sales will finally be worth it. I hope
they serve rosé. Oh, tee-hee-hee, I’m just kidding, but really, I’m not.
Because I deserve it. I’m a good person. No, I’m a great person. Nay, I’m
the best. Feel free to take me now, Jesus. I’m ready.
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