Tuesday, February 28, 2023

The Advancement of Mateo Matic: Year 262,398

Today is the big day. Mateo isn’t sure why the happy couple waited 10,000 years to get married, but it’s got to be a record for the longest engagement. Then again, they could have waited ten seconds, and it still would have set the record since literally eight people are alive in the observable universe right now. It’s soon to be nine, as The Officiant is set to return to fulfill her duties within the hour. Until then, Curtis needs some help.
“Did you ask Asier?” Mateo asks him.
“Do you not know how to tie a bowtie?”
“I do not, but he seems like the kind of guy who would. I imagine he’s had to go to police union luncheons, and stuff.”
“You’re probably right.” Curtis tilts his head as he’s staring in the mirror, trying to figure this out.
“Honestly, you two don’t seem like the type to wanna dress up all formal-like.”
“Ya know, we never met,” Curtis says. “I had heard of you, the guy who only lived one day out of the year, but we never hung out. Were we friends in your timeline?”
“Umm...” Mateo has to think about how he would describe his relationship with Curtis’ alternate self. “We were friendly, but we didn’t hang out either. Other!You spent most of his time in the early to mid-21st century, and I blew past that pretty quickly. He was in that time traveler prison.”
“Really? That doesn’t sound like me. I have no interest in exposing our secret to the world.”
“He had a different upbringing, I’m sure.”
“Yeah.” Curtis nods, then drops his arms in defeat. “Could you go get him for me? Please?” He asks as if he feels bad about putting him out, even though it’s no big deal.
“Of course.”
Mateo leaves, and returns quickly with Asier, who does indeed have experience with bowties, though only on himself, so he has to wrap his arms around the groom’s shoulders from behind him, like a sexy golf trainer. He does a great job; it looks perfect. “Are you nervous?” Asier asks.
“No, this has been a long time comin’. I’m ready.” He flicks his tie and says, “snazzy.” Then he spins around. “All right, who has a coin?”
Mateo and Asier pad their respective pockets. “No money here,” Asier says. “It hasn’t been invented yet.”
“What do you need it for?” Mateo questions.
“I’ve not yet decided who my best man is going to be. I know, I should have asked earlier, but I forgot. It’s all happening so fast,” he jokes.” He sees their expressions. “I can’t tell if both of you want to be chosen, or if neither of you do.”
This is only going to get more awkward. “Let’s both do it,” Mateo suggests. We’re obviously skipping the bachelor party anyway, so we’ll both stand up there with you.”
Curtis smiles, and accepts. As it turns out, the ladies had the same idea, but then they realized how weird it was, everyone being in the wedding party, and not having an audience. Abigail chose to step down to fill that role alone. The ceremony was simple, uncontroversial, and nice. The reception was small, but fun.

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