Microstory 601: Belief of the Atheist

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In the beginning, our Father created heaven, hell, and life. And with life came the 121 Taikon. Father said that a great change would arise once all taikon had been experienced in the proper order. Many have speculated as to what this change entails. Some believe it to be the end, others a new beginning. Some think they will be ushered into heaven, while still more think that God himself will come down to the mortal world and spread peace across the land. Certain people believe that this will be instead a sign of another figure beginning his rule over mankind; one that is evil and twisted. Whatever the truth, there are those attempting to hasten it along, while their opposition pushes back against them. They believe that Affirmation Day is coming, but do not feel like there is any reason to instigate the inevitable taikon. In fact, it is possible that the only true path towards the end is one of nature. Any attempt to artificially create this path will ultimately lead to failure. Of course, there are those who do not believe in the taikon at all, and do not care what believers do, as long as it does not interfere with their lives. Whatever truth you believe, the 121 Taikon are real, and so is the impending Affirmation Day. Not only that, but the first taikon has recently been witnessed. A staunch atheist—one who was particularly boisterous in his blasphemy—has suddenly, and without provocation, started to believe in the Father Creator. While yesterday he was nothing but a man, he is now our creator’s absolutely most devout follower. He is now sharing the light of salvation with all of his peers, and many of them have admitted the truth alongside him. Watch and be prepared…as the next 120 taikon arrive.

Microstory 478: Floor 7 (Part 2)

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Quality Manager: God, grant me the serenity to—

QA Associate: Dear God, grant me the strength to not slap this guy in the face.

Quality Manager: What’s your problem?

QA Associate: That’s, like, the fifth time you’ve said that in an hour. Could you do that somewhere else?

Quality Manager: This is my desk, I have every right to be here.

QA Associate: Not if you’re going to disrupt my nap to spout a bunch of religious nonsense.

Quality Manager: It isn’t nonsense. The Serenity Prayer is—

QA Associate: It’s nothing.

Quality Manager: Would you stop interrupting me!

QA Associate: It is nothing. It is an inspirational quote. It was not created to inspire people to feel a certain way, or to improve themselves. The guy who came up with it did so with the intention of being inspirational. That is, he didn’t want to inspire change, but to make people take note of how inspirational he was. He did it for the same reason any human does anything: ego.

Quality Manager: That’s a cynical viewpoint, and I refuse to live in the dirt with you.

QA Associate: Have you ever paid attention to the words you’re saying?

Quality Manager: What do you mean? I know it by heart, of course I’ve paid attention.

QA Associate: No, I mean really paid attention. I’m not saying it doesn’t reflect how you actually feel, but have you analyzed the message, and really tried to understand it? Or was it taught to you once, and you just accept it, because you were told that it would help?

Quality Manager: I—I guess...

QA Associate: Do you know what a chant is? Lots of Eastern religions use them. They often hold no semantic meaning, if they have any meaning at all. They call out the names of their gods, or they just repeat some random string of sounds. They’re not trying to convey an idea, which makes it non-language. What they’re doing is centering themselves on a rhythm, so that they can clear their mind of worldly anxiety, expand it to accept the divine, and learn discipline. It doesn’t matter what they’re saying; only what they’re thinking about while they’re saying it. The Serenity Prayer is no different, because most people don’t consider it deeply on its own. They just use it to escape the stress of reality’s current moment.

Quality Manager: What’s your point?

QA Associate: My point is that chants were invented before soap and toilet paper. We’ve evolved since then. We now know that there is a much better way of reaching zen.

Quality Manager: And what might that be?

QA Associate: Sleep. Now shut up so I can get back to naptime.

Microstory 476: Floor 9 (Part 2)

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Product Developer 9: All right, Product Developer 9, you can do this. You are a strong, powerful, white man. You own this world. You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve earned your place within the organization. You deserve this, more than anyone. No, it is not too early to ask for a promotion. People die every day, and a lockdown is the perfect time because he won’t be able to leave. And when will you get another chance? The Head of Development doesn’t come downstairs every day. You have to do this. You belong in a management position, and no one can take that away from you. Now say it. Yes, again, say it. I am the creator. I know beauty, I am beauty. Art lives in my soul. I’ve earned what I have, and am entitled to more. [...] Crap!

Senior Product Developer: That’s right, that’s what I was just doing. Sorry to be a party pooper, but it’s your fault for not checking the stalls before undergoing your daily affirmations. I just couldn’t stay here any longer, they get more cringe-worthy over time. Don’t be embarrassed, though. We’ve all heard them before. I’m not sure if you know how loud you are, but it’s never been a secret. Kind of like how Product Developer 4 is afraid of carousel animals, but not actual horses.

Product Developer 9: Oh my God...

Senior Product Developer: I know, right? I guess it’s because they go in circles and never get tired. If I may be so bold, I would like to offer my advice. As a strong, black man—who has actually earned a place in leadership, and didn’t just have college fraternity connections—I feel qualified to suggest you go ahead and wait on your little speech.

Product Developer 9: Why? You afraid they’ll listen to me, and choose to replace you?

Senior Product Developer: No, honey. I want you to succeed, which is why you should wait until after I quit and accept the job at Snowglobe.