Microstory 2035: Vermont

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Vermont was the first state in the U.S. to legalize same-sex marriage. They did it in 2001. During my research, I learned that Massachusetts was the first state to introduce making it legal for gay people to get married, but it took them longer to pass it. By 2015, the whole United States said that you have to allow gay marriage no matter what state you’re in, but my papa and dad still wanted to get married in Vermont. It is a beautiful state, especially if you go there in the fall when the tree leaves are changing colors. They got a really nice outdoor spot where everyone could see a lot of the trees. It was a little cold, but not too cold, and it didn’t rain or snow. Everybody’s family was there. It sounds really expensive, but my papa was used to spending money on travel. He visited dad in Virginia a lot when they were still dating. When they weren’t in the same state together, they talked on the phone, and on the computer. Dad’s family thought it was weird that they lived so far away from each other, but they somehow made it work. They wouldn’t have to make it work like that for much longer. After the wedding, they decided to not have a honeymoon just yet. They were too busy. They first went to Chicago to pack up papa’s apartment, and then they went to my Aunt Cooper’s house to pack. Lastly, they went to dad’s house to pack up his stuff. And then they all moved to Massachusetts together. I’ll give you more details on the next slide.

Microstory 2033: Kentucky

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Here’s something you may not know about, but it used to be illegal to be gay and in the military. They had a law called Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, which said that you could want to be with a man if you were a man, or a woman if you were a woman, but you weren’t allowed to say anything about it. But the thing is, no one was allowed to ask you about it either. This was a way to protect people like my papa, but it also meant that he didn’t feel like he could be himself. When he left the Navy, he still didn’t feel like that, because he was required to stay in the reserves for the next four years, even though he had a regular job in Chicago. So it was a long time before he wasn’t afraid to go out and date the people that he wanted to. In the year 2011, the new president ended the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell thing, and said that it was okay to be gay in the military, and for people to know. I don’t think they can ask you about it still, though. Anyway, after this happened, papa dated a few guys, but he never fell in love with anyone. That all changed when he went on a train trip with his sister and her family. They were trying to get to Roanoke, Virginia, but their train broke down in Kentucky. It took so long to get a new one that they had to sleep there for one night. That is where my papa met my dad, Santana Lopez. They started talking to each other, and found out that they had a lot in common. The only problem was...dad lived in Virginia, and papa was only going there to visit.

Microstory 353: Social Love

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Acceptance

Love is when you not only agree that things are a certain way and that this is all right, but also that you’re for it. You’ve determined that what you hated or didn’t understand before is actually a good thing, and that you should be in support of it. My sister and I were raised by love. Earlier generations sound rather progressive to me, but they still held their fair share of ignorance, as was common in those times. Somehow, out of all that came my parents. They taught us to love people of different race, religion, sexuality, etc. It never occurred to me that there was anything wrong with gay people, so when I first encountered someone who thought as much, I was massively confused. I can’t speak for my sister’s perspective, but I can explain my own. Even if I hadn’t been raised by my wonderful parents, I doubt I would have grown up bigoted. This is because I never felt like a normal person. I’m not referring to standard pubescent angst. I’m once more talking about my autism. I’ve always felt like a completely separate species. The way you people do things, it doesn’t make any sense. You are so inefficient, and resistant to progress. It’s actually quite infuriating, being able to see a better way to do things, with no one listening. It’s ironic that I’m one of the quietest people you’ll meet, but I’m the one who wants to talk about fixing the process. All that aside, my autism also causes me to see humans from a sort of outsider’s perspective. That doesn’t mean I don’t care, but it does mean I see no difference between a black father and a single Chinese businessman, or a girl in a wheelchair and a senator. You’re all just people to me. So when I hear about all this friction between two groups of people, it’s not something I can relate to. I just can’t understand it, except on an academic level. I came from a different place, but I too had to learn love, and I’m still working on it.

Equality

Microstory 291: Perspective Sixty-Six

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Perspective Sixty-Five

Unfortunately for all of us, one of my subordinates is also one of the best workers on the team. He is extremely familiar with his field, gets his work done on time, and rarely makes mistakes. He’s also batshit crazy. His political views are so off kilter that, if I didn’t know any better, I would say he lives in an insane asylum. The problem is that his views do not affect his work, and I can’t prove that they hinder the work of anyone else in the company. All the homophobic, racist, and sexist things he says come out of his personal social media accounts, or off-campus and after hours. He doesn’t even list the company on his online profiles, so we can’t claim that he’s harming our public image. And so I have no cause to fire him. If he would just give me a reason, even a small one, I might be able to get away with it. But the numbers don’t lie, and the company profits with him around. Being the boss is harder than I thought it would be, which is a cliché, I know. The stress of making sure everybody’s doing their job is something I expected. I didn’t realize, however, how uncomfortable things would be barking orders to people who used to be my equal. Nobody likes a boss who is younger than them either, and everyone thinks they would handle things better. And maybe they could, so maybe the top-down structure in most corporate settings isn’t the best way to do things. It discourages dialogue, and you miss out on ideas from really smart people. I do try to listen to people under me, but if I start acting on their ideas too much, I risk my job by putting the position up for grabs. If my bosses catch wind that too many people on my team are making decisions that I should be making, why they’ll just get rid of me, won’t they? So when somebody comes to me with a way to improve our process, I take credit for it. I’m not trying to outshine anybody—hell, I’m not even trying to snag a promotion—I just don’t want to rock the boat, or make things too complicated. I feel really bad about it, and I always hope my employees don’t get too angry about it. The fact is, though, that it isn’t right, and I need to change my ways. I need to stop being afraid of shaking things up, and giving people what they deserve. One member of my team has a knack for leadership, and it’s time I foster that skill in her. Meanwhile, the most offensive man on the planet has got to go. If I can’t figure out how to show he harms team morale then I don’t deserve to be a supervisor anyway.

Perspective Sixty-Seven

Microstory 290: Perspective Sixty-Five

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Perspective Sixty-Four

I hear from a lot of people opposed to my values that same-sex marriage is going to make the world better. But we know from a number of different studies that this is not true. I’ve read a lot of different studies that say that children with two parents who are gay do not grow up to be good people. The fact is that gay marriage is harming this country’s children. I won’t even get into the religious problems gay marriage causes because I know that there are other religions out there other than mine, I’m not a crazy person. But these studies I read say that children of two “parents” of the same sex can end up really screwed up. They have worst grades, and sometimes they grow up to be sociopaths and perverts. It’s estimated that about half of children raised by gay couples grow up to be gay themselves. And that is not acceptable. You see, what it really boils down to is a population issue. If everyone was gay, then we wouldn’t be able to have any more people, would we? It doesn’t matter so much to me that marriage is between a man and a woman—which it is, by the way—the real thing is that sex is between a man and a woman. Because the only real purpose of sex is to make babies. Now I’m not saying that I don’t ever have sex for fun, I just mean that I do it with a woman, so it’s okay. I don’t understand why people don’t see that the gay infection is a real concern. If we keep letting gay people get married and raise children, we’ll just end up with more and more gay people, and then there won’t be anyone around to make healthy, god-fearing, straight people. Then we’ll all just die out. But I wonder if that’s what gay people want, to end the world. It’s an insidious plan, and it will probably take a long time, but if that’s really what they want, then we have to do something about it now.

Now you might think I’m crazy, but I’m not. It’s science, and I have the science to back up my claims. I’m not just making stuff up. I haven’t even gotten to the part where a homosexual country would lead to incest and bestiality. It’s not as far-fetched as you think. The people who like gay marriage also think we come from monkeys, so I’m sure they want to have sex with monkeys too. My coworker is gay, and he’s a huge advocate for gay rights. It’s so hard to work with him, and he knows these people where they’re all married to each other! There are, like, seven of them, and they’re all pretty much married to each other. Well, I mean, they’re not actually married, because that’s illegal, thank God, but if the gays have their way, they’ll be married soon too. I don’t think these people have children, but they could at some point, and that we cannot have. Something should be done. We have to protect the sanctity of marriage, and the safety of our children.

Perspective Sixty-Six

Microstory 289: Perspective Sixty-Four

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Perspective Sixty-Three

If you’re against me and people like me, I want to ask yourself one question; can you see the future? I don’t mean, can you literally look into the crystal ball and watch future events unfold? I mean, can you guess where cultural norms are headed? Have you seen a pattern, even just lately? To understand this question, and its ramifications, let’s take a look back into the past, but less than a few hundred years. When this country began, our founding fathers put forth this concept that “all men are created equal”. It wasn’t as novel an idea as you think; the colonies didn’t invent freedom, we just popularized it and generated a standard. The thing is, though, that even then, we weren’t equal. A better translation of their ideals would be “all white landowning men are created equal by arbitrary divine decree”. Yes, the founding fathers were not Christian, but they were theists. In fact, most of them were deists. Rather, their ideas suggested a true belief in deism, and a personal rejection of church notions.  I’ll let you look that one up on your own. Anyway, the reality is that women and people of darker skin were not treated as equals, and would not legally be so until much, much later in history. Even today that women and minorities are on legally equal footing, we’re not actually equal. We still have a ways to go. But my point is that things have progressed, so when you fight further progression, do you honestly believe that you’re going to “win”? Do you really think that a hundred years from now, your descendants are going to be as homophobic as you are? Can you honestly not look down the road and see where this is going? I mean, it’s painfully obvious to me. You even refer to my school of thought as progressive. Why would you do that if you didn’t know in your heart of hearts that my reality is the one we’re going to be living in? I mean, nobody goes to a “make America great again” rally and calls it progressive, do they? Its very point is going back to where we were before; back to when women weren’t allowed to vote, and black people weren’t allowed to drink from the same water fountain. It is a fool who believes that the past exists in the future. The past being in the past is just a basic principle of time and causality; one that I learned as a child. The fact that you’ve not yet learned it as an adult is horrifying, and automatically renders your opinion completely meaningless. You ever see the sun rise at night? Didn’t think so. Even if you didn’t have the opportunity to pass seventh grade, come on...come on. You’re not just an opposing force; you’re on the wrong side of history. Any dipshit can see that.

Perspective Sixty-Five

Microstory 288: Perspective Sixty-Three

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Perspective Sixty-Two

Even with this “love is love” campaign, and others like it, people like me and my family have trouble with public perceptions. Sure, things are better than they used to be, and I have to believe that, but we still have a ways to go. It would seem as though society is finally all right with two people of the same sex being with each other. You still have your holdouts—backwards hicks and smarmy politicians (i.e. people whose opinions don’t matter)—but for the most part, we’re moving not only past hatred, but past tolerance, and into acceptance. It is believed by many that acceptance of transgendered people is our last hurdle, but it’s only the most obvious one. In fact, the world’s increasing appreciation of sexuality is about recognizing the differences in who people are at their core, but says little about practice. As an example, lots of people are all right with gay people, as long as they don’t have to hear the specifics. The question of group marriage or polyamory, however, involves how people behave in their daily lives. Gay people are gay because that’s who they are, but polyamorous people are strange because of what they do, and how they act. But we are not so different from you, as a well-adjusted person would be able to see. Most people will not understand this word upon hearing it, but upon learning its definition, will make snap judgments about the family. We are assumed to be wandering sex-obsessed indecisive deviants. The words I hear most often are “hippie” and “tree-hugger”. Much like bisexuals, the assumption is that we simply cannot decide who to love, and so we just take what we have at the moment, comforted in the fact that the relationships do not have to last forever.

I would like to clear up a few misconceptions. We are not polygamists. Polygamy has a deep history of imbalance, rape, and a sort of numbers game. It is so much a male-centric concept that polygamist relationships with one woman and multiple men uses a completely different word, and is considered even weirder than the normal kind. Certain mormon sects practice a form of polygamy where underaged girls are forced into marriages because they’re raised to believe that this is their duty in life. And when they consummate these marriages with their “husbands” it’s called rape, because it is not consensual. It can’t be, because they’re only married because they’re told they have to be, and to this specific man. You can call it sex-slavery, if you prefer that term instead. And it’s a numbers game because a higher number of wives indicates notoriety and respect. Polyamory, on the other hand, is a form of relationship based on love, mutual expression, consent, and everything else that composes any other kind of relationship. My husbands and wives are all in this together. For us, there is no “primary relationship”. We are all bisexual, and we are each in love with all the others. No two of us are legally married to each other, because we believe that this would distort the group dynamic. We have sex as a whole, in smaller groups, and as couples. Our family is particularly large, I admit, but the standard criteria stipulates only a minimum of three people. We want to be heard and accepted, just like anyone else, but we understand that other changes need to take place before these things will be put forth in legislation, or even the media. And so we patiently wait our turn.

Perspective Sixty-Four

Microstory 231: Perspective Six

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Perspective Five

Image courtesy of Jay Highfill.

My wife has been on the job for too long. She claims to be years from retirement, but she could do it now, and we would still be fine. I suppose I shouldn’t say that we would be fine. I’ve been stepping out on her off and on pretty much since our relationship began, so we haven’t ever felt truly together. I justify my actions by pretending that she knows about it, but the reality is that I have no idea if she has any idea. We got together when we were young, before being gay was socially acceptable. She was my beard at the time, but I failed to inform her of the position. It’s a bad excuse anyway, because I don’t only cheat on her with guys. I thought I might be addicted to sex, but my therapist suggests I’m really addicted to the thrill. Apparently the sex itself isn’t relevant, but I just like knowing that I could get caught at any moment. The fact that my wife owns several guns and is smart enough to know how to get rid of a body makes it that much more exciting. I didn’t know if I believed that theory, but any idea to get me to stop what I’m doing is a good one. I actually did manage to stop for almost two years, but then I met this hot young thing at a bar frequented by my wife’s colleagues, and I just couldn’t resist. I guess my therapist was right. My wife is in hearings all day after an officer-involved shooting by her partner, so I decide to meet my lover at “the usual place”. While I’m drying off after a shower, I overhear my latest fling on the phone with his superiors at the FBI. I can’t hear the whole thing, but I do learn that the suspect my wife’s partner killed was previously under investigation for sex-related crimes. I don’t hear when or why the investigation was dropped. I feel the need to tell my wife the new information, but how do I explain how I found out about it?

Perspective Seven

Microstory 43: Missed Connection

A few weeks ago, you were driving a blue sedan, and I was driving a small red truck down 31st street. I thought you were pretty, so I was revving my engine and speeding to impress you. You were smiling at me, so I thought you were interested as well. As it turns out, you were only laughing because there was a police officer behind me. He pulled me over and you drove off. He was pretty young, and seemed to understand what was happening, so he didn’t give me a ticket for reckless driving. He was forced to cite me, however, because I couldn’t find my insurance. I appeared at my court date with my new insurance card, and saw the cop again. We had no hard feelings, and got to talking. We ended up having a lot in common, and later went out for coffee together. We have been inseparable since. If this was you, please contact me. I would like to thank you for making me realize that I’m gay.