Microstory 876: Deer to My Heart

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When the first of the monsters started cropping up in the public, a lot of people thought they knew what they were dealing with. They had pale skin, sharp fangs, and drank human blood, presumably to survive. They only came out at night, and they seemed to be multiplying. People reported that their loved ones, who were once perfectly normal, suddenly acted different, and went after them like all the other attackers. Vampires. That was the word people were using to classify these new beings, because that was the one that made the most sense. Naturally, we assumed we understood what that meant, and how to fight them off. We were so wrong. What we discovered the hard way was that they would not be killed by the sun, or by ultraviolet light. They came out at night because their bodies preferred cooler weather, but that didn’t mean heat was deadly to them. They could be killed with fire, or decapitation, but that goes for just about any living creature on the planet. We also thought a vampire could be killed with a wooden stake to the heart, but a great many humans were either killed, or turned, failing to make that work. Though not impossible to kill, vampires were tough, and strong. It took more military prowess than the average civilian could demonstrate, unlike in the movies, where average joes band together, and save the day. It was I who discovered their unusual weakness, and I did it accidentally. Like any good doomsday prepper, I had a plan to escape the city, and just wait this out somewhere remote. Like a good doomsday prepper with no money, my plan was limited to a few ready-to-eat meals saved up, and some camping gear. I couldn’t afford a bunker, or a road tank, so my best bet was to just hope to find some small sliver of land away from the struggle.

I made my way out of town when the first legitimate reports came in, and monitored the situation via crank radio. I drove up to the nearest significant wooded area, which was Aldenroda National Park. Then I just started living off the land, finding food using the knowledge I gained from video tutorials online before this all happened, and supplementing what I never learned with instinct and improvisation. After a couple of weeks, things were getting worse in civilization, but I had still not encountered a single vampire myself. By then, anyone still around knew that wooden stakes and daylight wouldn’t help them, including me. I felt fairly safe where I was, but winter was literally coming, and I would die from good ol’ fashioned hypothermia if I didn’t travel south, or find some better shelter. Fortunately, I happened upon an abandoned cabin that was perfect. It was pretty well insulated, had a nice fireplace, and a good bed. I was doing even better than before when a vampire showed up out of nowhere, looking for some dinner. There weren’t any samurai swords around, and I didn’t think I was clever enough to set the guy on fire, so my options were death, or switching sides. Desperate for door number three, I grabbed the nearest weapon I could find, which was a set of deer antlers the cabin’s real owner evidently never got around to hanging up. They had just left them on the floor, and so had I. The vampire thought he had me cornered, but I got lucky when he accidentally fell onto the antlers, and straight up died. I was shocked and relieved. I had stumbled upon perhaps the easiest way to kill these things, and no one else knew about it. I now had a new pair of choices; continue to use this revelation to my advantage, or go back to the outside world, and spread the word. The choice was obvious. The world had never done anything for me, so screw ‘em. They can all die, for all I care. I’m the only person who matters now, I thought. Yet fifty years later, I’ll be dying soon anyway, and humanity is still here. I impart the secret of the antlers to you, stranger. Use it wisel—what are you doing with that machete?

Microstory 284: Perspective Fifty-Nine

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Perspective Fifty-Eight

My job is just the worst. Forgive me, but all y’all are nasty. When I was in high school, my guidance counselor provided us with this completely baseless test to find out what kind of career we should pursue. Being the naïve and trusting kid I was, I agreed to go with what they said. I skipped the four year school and opted for an associate’s degree instead. I have to do the same thing every day, which is just brutally boring. I don’t know why I didn’t realize that I wouldn’t like that, but I’m regretting this whole thing. People have terrible breath, and they take such poor care for their teeth. It ain’t that hard. You put paste on a brush, get it wet, and rub it all over your teeth. You do this at least twice a day, floss, and don’t eat anything weird. I found an obsession with brushing my teeth while I was training to be a hygienist, but I wasn’t always so religious about tooth care. Yet I’ve never had one cavity, or any other major problem. I ultimately needed braces, but that was more of a cosmetic decision. Dental hygienists are so underappreciated. The dentist comes in to see the patient for two minutes, five at most, and what do you say? You say that you “have a dentist appointment”. Ain’t nobody talks about going to hygienist, even though that’s what you’re doing, if it’s just a regular checkup. Everyone said the pay would be great, and it’s certainly not minimum wage, but there are some caveats nobody said anything about. I spent a lot of time paying off student loans, and there are a bunch of insurance problems that go over my head. And I’m one of the lucky ones, because I was able to secure a position at a dental office. With all these lies, there are too many people looking, and not enough places to work. Take my advice and stay away from the field. I’m trying to get out of it. Clown school.

Perspective Sixty

Microstory 283: Perspective Fifty-Eight

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Perspective Fifty-Seven

I’ve had it up to here with this place. These people don’t understand who I am, or what I am. Yeah, I’m quiet. And yeah, I sometimes have what appear to be violent outbursts, but I’m no danger. I don’t keep a knife in my locker, and I wouldn’t know where to start if I wanted to get my hands on a gun. But I’ve actually heard from others that I’m the kid everyone thinks is gonna show up with an AK and just blast everyone away. The truth is that I just don’t like school, and my interests lie elsewhere. I have a group of friends who all go to this preppy private school, and I really only ever want to hang out with them. They’re the coolest people I know, so why would I waste my time with these jackasses? And why should I fill my brain up with all this crap either? Teach me to count money, and to read, and then leave me alone. I don’t need nothing else. My brother’s an adult, and he’ll be damned if he can tell me the last time he used long division. It’s ridiculous, and I have no use for it. So yeah, sometimes I skip school. It’s not a big deal. I already know what I’m going to do with my life. Last time I checked, you didn’t have to go to college to be a dental hygienist. Now, I know what you’re thinking; what kind of middle school kid wants to be a dental hygienist? Well, first off, it pays well. I won’t be making six figures, but whatever. Second, you get to stab people with things, and they just have to sit there and be happy about it. You do the same thing every day, there aren’t really any surprises, and when you go home, you’re done. My dad has an office job, and he spends all evening working at home. He always says that when he’s not on the clock...he’s on the clock. But my uncle is a dental hygienist, and he loves it. He’s so much happier with his life than my father is. So please, you can keep your Shakespeare monologues and balanced chemical equations. Screw this meeting with the vice principal. I’m going to meet my friends in the back of the superstore.

Perspective Fifty-Nine

Microstory 221: Vampirs

So, vampires. They exist. Not so much anymore, but still. The first of the kind called themselves Pilot Vampires. This originates from a constructed language where vham (pronounced with more of an f sound, and related to famish) means “hunger” and pire (pronounced pier-ay) means “ruler”. Many take the full word to mean “hungry ruler” but it better translates as “ruler of hunger”. Those in the original generation are extremely strong, and difficult to kill. They don’t have trouble with the sun so much as they have trouble with heat, which the sun happens to have a lot of. Their scions were called vampirs (pronounced vahmpiers) and they were weaker, but more compatible with the environment. Each subsequent generation was born more compatible, and they would have likely regressed back into humans, given the time. The species, and all its varieties, are collectively known as murexa, because of their purple blood. The exact cause of this is unknown (except I know), but it is the result of a cobalt-magnesium alloy oxygen carrier, rather than the iron found in most people’s red blood. While Pilot Vampires are immortal, their descendants are not. They live about 190 standard years, and lead pretty standard lives. They eat normal human food, and will die from overheating if they do not receive regular transfusions of human blood. These transfusions allow greater efficiency of blood flow and body temperature regulation, as they will cause the body to temporarily transport oxygen via iron, but this will not last forever. If you see a vampir with purple eyes, then the right thing to do is to immediately present your arm and provide them with blood. The eyes are the most vulnerable, and so the red blood will pool to the eyes for as long as possible, and will be the last indicator of a healthy specimen.

Unlike fictional representations of vampires, real vampires do not have a thirst for blood. In fact, since they were descended from humans, they do not like the taste of blood. It’s gross, and so they avoid drinking it unless they absolutely have to. Instead, they either inject themselves, or consume a special drink that’s mixed with sugar and other, more suitable ingredients. Earlier vampirs did not have fangs, but scientists saw this as a need, and so they gave evolution a nudge, so that later generations would have a safe backup, if need be. They did this along with a special gland in the mouth that alters their breath so that it numbs human skin, lowering or eliminating donor pain. Vampires do not bite people on the neck, because that’s pretty sexual. That’s something we just made up to make vampire monsters either scary or sexy. Vampires do not bite people without consent. If a vampire wants to kill someone, the last thing they’ll do is bite them, because biting leaves DNA evidence, and that would be foolish of them. They’ll use a knife, or a gun, or something like that. Vampires are not evil, or dark, or violent; they’re just people with a medical condition, so please stop treating them differently. That’s so insensitive of you. They do not glitter in the sun, nor do they instantly burst into flame. Yes, a vampire will die if you stab them in the heart with a wooden stake. You know who else dies from being stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake? You. You die. We all need hearts, okay? And it doesn’t matter if it’s made of wood, or metal, or candy cane; any sharp object will do. Some people are allergic to garlic, and some of those people are vampires. Vampires do not heal magically, nor can their blood heal others magically. If you drink vampire blood, you’ll probably get sick from cobalt-magnesium poisoning. Don’t do that. It’s possible to become a Pilot Vampire, but the process is much more complicated than that. It requires dying, so...be prepared for that, if that’s what you really want. Also, you specifically are missing a key component, so it will actually not work for you. Sorry, I messed that up. I forgot who I was talking to. Better choose Jacob. No, don’t choose Jacob. He’s bad. I’m talking about a different Jacob, by the way. Who are you talking about?

Microstory 114: Persius Xylander

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Persius ‘Percy’ Xylander’s ability might have been the most unusual one on a practical level. When he was nine years old, a group of bullies dared/forced him to eat a bullet cartridge they had found in the alley on their way home from school. In order to freak them out even more, he chose to not only swallow the cartridge, but to also chew it. They were horrified by this and a few ran away, but others were frozen. He swallowed and smiled, showing them the metal shards that were stuck between his teeth. He continued to taunt them by rabidly grabbing their backpacks, gnawing them to shreds, and swallowing the pieces. After he was finished with his meal, he wrenched back and threw up on a fence nearby. His vomit burned a large hole in the wood in a matter of seconds. All but one of the remaining bullies finally found the strength to escape. A boy named Blaise was fascinated by Percy’s ability, so he stayed behind, and they became fast friends. He was a bit of a science geek, so he performed experiments on Percy. As they grew older and bolder, the experiments became more dangerous. Blaise ultimately became a medical technician, primarily to gain access to hospital facilities. They continued to run their tests, even one time performing invasive surgery in a hospital wing that was under construction. They discovered that all of his bones, including his teeth, were made of a powerful type of carbon fiber that was somehow capable of healing itself. His skin and muscles were just as susceptible to injury, but he was still stronger and faster than the average human. His stomach produced an incredibly potent type of acid that was able to break down virtually anything, allowing Percy to consume normally unsafe materials. Both of them joined Bellevue when the time came. Blaise worked on the medical team, most of whom were normal people. Percy used his flair for the dramatic to go out in the field as a recruiter, working with Bernard Maly and one other.