Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Microstory 63: Martian Law 101

According to Martian Law, it is illegal to recruit a civilian for investigations (e.g. wearing a wire near criminals to obtain a confession). This would place undue risk on the civilian. Whether they have committed crimes of their own is irrelevant. They are never responsible for the enforcement of the law. Martian Law allows for emergency civilian deputizing when manpower is low. They are allowed to pursue and arrest, but still not investigate, and their arrests are subject to much more scrutiny than a trained officer’s arrests would be. There is no such thing as fruits of the poisonous tree. If an officer finds incriminating evidence, they’re fine. If they pursue evidence, but find none, they’re in trouble, so they better be pretty darn sure there’s something to find. Martian law enforcement holds jurisdiction over any culture in the biverse that forms anytime after Mars, the exception being Earth. The reason Earth is protected by Martian Law, but not subject to it, dates back to a policy formed billions of years ago that no one remembers. The idea that Earth must be protected, but free from interference, is so old and inherent that no one knows when or how this cosmological rule went into effect. There are only two cultures that resist the Martians, and the rest of the universe is in a constant state of war with them. For the most part, however, The Exiles just want to be left alone. The Thuriamen, on the other hand, believe their own laws to be superior. Rather, they do not care whether they’re superior or not; they are seeking control either way.
The tree from which poisonous fruit falls.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Microstory 62: Kerguelen



The Kerguelen Islands are an island chain located in the southern Indian Ocean. They are considered to be one of the most isolated places in the world. Despite sometimes being referred to as “Desolation Islands” there is no lack of plants and animals. One such of these animals has managed to remain outside of catalogs and most other records. The Great Kerguelen Coleobeast is a majestic creature, twice as massive as an elephant, that resembles an anglerfish that has formed hind legs in the back and these sort of fin things in the front. There is only one Coleobeast in the world. It is functionally immortal, capable of a process called transdifferentiation, much like a certain type of jellyfish. If the Coleobeast feels threatened, or becomes sick, it will revert itself to the pupal stage of development. The most interesting aspect of this animal is its mucus, which contains natural antibacterial properties. The animal was discovered in 1772, but went into hiding shortly thereafter. It wasn’t until the mid-20th century that its mucus was extracted and repurposed as your average, everyday hand sanitizer.

Monday, May 18, 2015

New Headshots!


I got new headshots a couple weeks back. These are as opposed to the old headshots which were nonexistent. Click on each one of the following and it will take you to its respective social media account of mine:

Google+ Profile

Microstory 61: Grace

In the universe of my canonical stories, most people identify as bisexual. The number of true monosexuals is to a very low extreme. And I say true monosexuals, because there is a not insignificant number of people belonging to a religious order called the Amadesins who all claim that sexuality is a choice, and that they all choose to be heterosexual. Amadesis is an amalgamation of Mormonism and Scientology, but also exhibits the absolute worst aspects of any and all other religions. The rest of society recognizes the difference between love, sex, and procreation. They understand that you can have one without the other two. With modern technology, even procreation is now possible without sex. Back in the day, homosexual relationships were slightly discouraged, but only to foster the increase in population. This led to a few still-standing traditions, along with the misguided Amadesin movement. In an opposite-sex relationship, the resulting child will usually inherit the surname of the father. This is because of earlier theories that children received more than half of their DNA from their mothers. The father being able to pass down his name was symbolic way of balancing out the contribution, and the practice remains to day for simplicity, and to have some kind of standard. Similarly, in the case of same-sex relationships, one caregiving parent will also be a genetic parent, while the other caregiver is not. The child will usually use the name of the non-genetic parent.

Because of the prevalence of bisexuality, the words boyfriend and girlfriend do not exist. Besides sounding juvenile and unsophisticated, it would never occur to society to use such gender-specific terms. Instead, they use gracer and gracie. These are technically opposites of each other, but are used interchangeably, and respectively mean “one who favors” and “one who is favored”. It’s possible to refer to someone who either favors you, or you favor, but with unreciprocated feelings (i.e. crushes). Clarifying language will be used for these situations. There is another reason for using these terms instead of limiting words like partner, companion, or significant other. They perceive romantic relationships to reside on the same spectrum as friendships; only to a higher degree. Even though emphasis was placed on population sustainability millennia ago, pairings solely for the purpose of propagating the species were never part of common practice. A marriage of two people who were not friends would have always been seen as strange. Arranged marriages did exist in some cultures, specifically Amadesis, but it was pretty taboo.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

The Advancement of Mateo Matic: March 30, 2023

Amidst the blaring of the oncoming train, he could hear someone in the distance screaming, “Leona! Get off!”
Mateo turned to find Leona Delaney racing towards him. “We have to go!” she cried. She took him by the shoulders.
“I can’t move!”
“We have to jump off!”
Leona reached out, trying to get them to the edge of the bridge, but he tripped. His left leg refused to hold him up. The train was a few meters away, and he only had to crawl a few feet to clear it, but it was just too much for his body. He wanted Leona to get away without him, but even convincing her of that would take too long. Just before the train overcame them, he felt a third hand on his back.
Mateo fell to his back. The train was gone. The bridge was gone. The sky was gone. He was in a lecture hall of some kind. Between him and Leona was Aunt Daria.
“Oh my God,” Mateo said, grasping his leg; the full force of the pain attacking him now that the adrenaline had gone down. “Daria? How did you find me?”
“I didn’t,” Daria replied. “I call that a slingshot. When I feel like someone is choking me, along with the dry mouth, I know that I’m only going to be at my next destination for a few seconds. That’s usually how long I have to save someone’s life. The powers that be put me on those missions occasionally. The people I save always end up being senators or rock musicians. I’ve never been there for a family member. You must be pretty important to them.”
“Who are these people?”
“Couldn’t tell you. But they must exist. It can’t be random. The law of probability doesn’t allow it.”
Leona let him lean on her and started leading them out of the room. “We need to get you to a hospital. Foothills is under ten minutes away.”
“How do you know that? Where are we?”
“We’re in the Duane Lab at the University of Colorado Boulder. This is where I go to school. Which you would know if you hadn’t abandoned us.”
“How did you find me?” Mateo asked after managing to get into the backseat of her car.
Leona pushed a button and started the car. “Boulder Medical Center. Foothills,” she instructed the navigation system. “Emergency Entrance.” The car backed out and started to drive on its own. “Cybil, call Carol.”
There was a beep from the car, whose name was apparently Cybil. “Calling Carol,” it—rather, she said.
Mateo’s mother’s voice came from the speakers, “Leona, what happened?”
“We’re fine. Daria pulled us out just in time. He’s broken his leg, so we’re headed to Foothills Hospital.”
“We’ll meet you there.”
“Who’s we?” Mateo asked after the call ended.
“My boss was there during your last jump, so he knew exactly where you would be,” Leona answered while she inspected his leg.
“Your boss?”
“Professor Andrews. He actually saw you disappear, along with several other people in the car. They were pretty freaked out about it. Some people were worried about terrorism, but you fortunately never gave your identification, so there was no real proof that you were still on the train during that leg of the trip...pardon the pun.”
“And you just happened to start grad school at the same college as the guy I talked to on the train to Utah?”
“Duke snatched your bag secretly, and tracked us down. It’s been a year, remember? We got to know each other, and he put in a recommendation for me. I’m one of his teaching assistants. In the meantime, we discuss what’s happening with you.”
“What have you figured out?”
“Just about jack shit.”
“Language!”
“I’m not fifteen years old anymore. Anyway, back to the subject, we did design a special machine that should give us some data that you couldn’t have gotten from a regular ol’ hospital back in Topeka. Our main concern is determining what happens to the space around you when you disappear, and what happens to the space when you come back. Our current observations don’t make a whole lot of sense. I’ve seen first hand that Daria can take people with her, but you can’t. What exactly is the difference between hugging another person, and holding onto a bag, or even your clothes?”
“Well, my father was alive at the time. So that was a difference.”
“Physics doesn’t care whether you’re a living organism or not. It’s all just a matter of matter.” She leaned over and gave him a passionate but rather conservative kiss. “But I care.” Then she slapped him. “Don’t you ever run away from me again. Do you hear me?”
“My God, you’ve really grown up.”
“You’ve been dealing with this for less than two weeks while the rest of us are living in real time. Your entire life is consumed by this. But for me, it’s Tuesday.”
“It’s Thursday,” Daria piped in.
“Never mind. We’re here.”
A couple hours later, Mateo watched in amazement as a 3D printer formed a cast designed to fit his leg perfectly. It looked like nothing he had seen before. It wasn’t completely closed, but a web of plastic connections, almost like fishnet stockings. If Spiderman ever got hurt, this was the cast he would wear. Once it was finished, he put his pants on over it, and you couldn’t even tell that it was there. The nurse tried to give him medication for the pain, but Professor Duke Andrews walked in just in time to stop her. “Sorry, Mateo,” he said. “But the cast is bad enough. I can’t have these drugs interfering with our experiment.”
“Sir, I do not know who you are, but this is a medical decision...” Duke pulled her aside to talk her out of causing problems. Carol came over and gave him a hug.
“Are you going to slap me too?” he asked of her.
Carol turned to Leona. “Did you slap my son?”
“I admit to nothing.”
Daria stood up and took charge. “My nephew needs to get some sleep. I suggest we go back to wherever it is you people live so that he can rest.”
“I need to run some tests before he disappears,” Duke complained.
“And you will get your chance. You have over twenty hours left. But for now, let’s go. Someone needs to deal with the discharge papers.” She physically ushered them out of the room so that only she and Mateo remained.
“I think I would have liked you as an aunt. Whatever the motives of these people, the...powers that be, they better be worth me losing three of my parents and you.”
“That brings me to the second reason I’m back.” She took something out of her pocket and handed it to him. It looked not unlike a flash drive, but it definitely wasn’t that.
“Computers use these nowadays?”
She coughed. “The way I understand it, the technology required to access this device won’t exist for another couple centuries, or was it millennia?”
“I thought you weren’t a time traveler.”
She smiled lovingly and took a drink of water from his cup. “I’m not. But I’ve met some people since you’ve been gone.”
“Daria,” he started to say.
“I don’t know you. But I love you.” With that, she disappeared.
Mateo went back to his mother’s new Colorado house and slept the rest of the day away in a bed designated for him. They woke him up that night and drove him back to the university. Duke took blood samples, saliva samples, and other samples. As midnight approached, they had him lie in a machine that looked like the glass coffin from Snow White.
“The machine is going to run nonstop for the entire year,” Duke explained to him. I imagine the data during that time will provide us with zero insight, but we’re doing it anyway. We’ll see you later.”
Both his mom and Leona told him that they loved him. Then midnight.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Mr. Muxley Meets Mediocrity: Part III


A young boy tugged on the bottom of his father’s shirt. “Daddy, daddy, it’s the Wheedle.”

He was wrong, of course, but Mr. Muxley did indeed look a little bit like the Wheedle. Without knowing the word, he took the comment as a grand compliment, and accepted the title with honor. He smiled at the boy and bowed. His father gave him a fiver.

“What is this?” he asked.
Monty looked at it. “That would be a five dollar bill. You can give that to someone, and they will give you something in return.”
“You mean you have a single set of currency to pay for goods and services?” Mr. Muxley looked confused.
“Well, there are several different kinds of currency. Countries tend to have their own. Much of Europe uses the same one,” Mervin explained. “How do you do it?”
“There is no standard currency,” Mr. Muxley said. “I once paid for a computer with 83 kilograms and 5 miles.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Did I not use kilograms and miles correctly? I looked them up in the land vehicle. I meant that I dragged the vendor’s heavy nephew across town, and in return, he gave me a computer.”
“Oh, well then you used it right.”
There was a screech and a howl behind them. Mr. Muxley went outside to find it. “What is that?”
Monty looked over the railing and watched in horror. “That would be a dinosaur.” A very large and angry dinosaur, possibly a Tyrannosaurus Rex, was barging through the city, knocking over buildings, and stumbling every which way. He acted like he was drunk.
“You just let your pets run around destroying your cities?” Mr. Muxley laughed. “That seems rather irresponsible.”
“He’s not a pet,” Mervin said. “He’s supposed to be extinct. He shouldn’t be here at all.”
Mr. Muxley nodded understandingly. “Ah, I see.” He pulled out a device of some kind. “What time period does he belong to?”
Mervin looked over to Monty who shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, we have no idea. At least tens of millions of years ago.”
Mr. Muxley nodded again, like he was just gathering a few extra and unnecessary facts. “That’s okay. It’ll take a bit longer, but I can scan him and map his origin.”
“You’ll what?”
They watched in amazement as Mr. Muxley pointed his device at the dinosaur. With one more tap, a beam of light shot out of the end and landed on the dinosaur’s chest. He flapped his little arms and tried to knock the light away from him, and roared with delight. What a fun game. After a few moments, the light expanded and overwhelmed him. He disappeared in a flash. “Okay, he’s home.” Mr. Muxley put his device back in his pocket.
The crowd clapped their hands together and cheered. Several tourists came by and patted him on the back. “What the hell are they are doing, making all this noise?”
“It’s an expression of appreciation,” Monty told him.
“You saved the city,” Mervin furthered.
“Oh, only because I was closest,” Mr Muxley scoffed. “Anyone could have done that.”
“Literally no one else on this planet is capable of that.”
“Okay, now I know you’re joking. This planet can’t be that far behind.”
“We are. We can’t travel through time.”
Mr. Muxley looked back and forth between them, waiting for the truth to come out. “Oh, come on.” He continued to wait. “You guys...quit messing with me. How do you go back and fix the past?”
“We don’t ever do that.”
“How do you write history books if you can’t check your facts?”
They shook their heads.
“You don’t go in the future and find out if you’re making the right decisions with your life?”
No.
“So when a tear in the spacetime continuum opens up, you just, what? Ignore it and keep walking? Like a bunch of animals? You’ve never investigated them and tapped into their energy?”
“That’s never happened before.”
Mr. Muxley bit his lower lip. “Let me guess. That thing about not having spaceships wasn’t a joke either.”
Mervin sighed. “Sure wasn’t.”
He seemed to finally be getting the idea. “In that case, I’m sorry it has to come to this.”
Monty looked skeptical and wary. “What does it have to come to?”
“I could try to explain to you the Oliyweth Gridwork; how all life in the universe is connected. I could go on and on about the achievement of enlightenment, and the importance of shedding the meaningless and the nuisances. But it would be a waste of my time. You won’t be around to use this new information anyway.”
“What are you going to do?” Mervin asked.
“I’m afraid that your planet will have to go.”
“You can’t do that!” Mervin cried out.
“It’s for the best. It’s like when you fall asleep in the middle of an eclipse and accidently forget to not grow a third arm. It might take some effort, but you have to cut off that third arm and feed it to the Lilthusned gods. Otherwise, you’ll be dealing with flicker demons for the rest of the month. And nobody wants that. You know what I mean?”
No, we don’t.
“It’ll be quick. One swipe and Earth blinks out of existence. I promise, you won’t feel a thing. Just give me a minute to send an authorization request to the Ateejehid Council.”
Monty pulled an object out of Mr. Muxley’s coat. It was a blowtorch sort of thing that aliens evidently used to light themselves on fire instead of eating, like a normal person. Mr. Muxley saw him do it, but didn’t seem to care one bit. After all, what’s the harm? Monty used the torch to destroy part of the barrier on the viewing platform. He then grabbed Mr. Muxley from behind and pulled him over the edge. Together they began to fall toward the ground. But Mr. Muxley sprouted wings and flew back up to the viewing platform. He watched with disinterest as Monty fell to the pavement and died.
“Did he just try to kill me in order to stop me from destroying your planet?”
“That’s exactly right,” Mervin confirmed. “We don’t want to die. He sacrificed himself for all of us.”
“Oh, you won’t die,” Mr. Muxley clarified. “It’ll be more like you never existed. As I said, this must be done. We cannot attain perfection with cavemen like you. We have to all be at the same level, and it would take far too much effort bringing you apes up to speed.”
Meanwhile, down on the pavement, a tear in the spacetime continuum opened up randomly and drew Monty into it. His body traveled back in time about 5,000 years. Ancient Egyptians recovered it, along with Mr. Muxley’s weird space torch. They reverse engineered the technology and altered history, propelling Earth into becoming the most advanced planet in the entire universe. Monty’s ghost explained to them what had happened in the alternate future. Eventually, Earthling forces traveled to Mr. Muxley’s home planet of Mekajs and destroyed it. Ya know...because it was for the best.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Microstory 60: What the Birds Are Saying


Marinko: Hey! Sara!
Sara: Yeah!?
Marinko: Let’s propagate the species!
Sara: Well, let me see your wing!
Marinko: [shows wing]
Sara: Oh, that’s a nice wing!
Samuel: Hey, I also got a wing!
Sara: Let me see your wing!
Samuel: [shows wing]
Sara: Oh, that’s a nice wing too!
Marinko: This is my territory!
Samuel: No, this territory is mine!
Marinko: It’s my territory!
Samuel: That over there is my brother!
Carter: I’m your brother!
Samuel: You’re my brother!
Marinko: Is that a predator?!
Samuel: [...]
Carter: [...]
Marinko: [...]
Samuel: Where did Sara go?
Marinko: She was killed by the predator!
Samuel: There’s her sister!
Carter: I’m your brother
Samuel: I’m your brother!
Marinko: Hey! Laurel!
Laurel: Yeah!?
Marinko: Let’s propagate the species!
Laurel: Show me your wing!
Carter: There’s some food over there!

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Microstory 59: The Elevator

I step in and push the button for the penthouse. Fortunately for me, the elevator is rather slow. I’m dreading having to go up to my boss. I’m just the latest in a long line of personal assistants that he mistreats. When the time comes, and I’ve finally reached my destination, the doors in front of me don’t open. I hear a sound behind me and watch as a second set of doors disappear to the side. I’ve been using these elevators for weeks, and I’ve not once noticed a second set of doors. No, that’s impossible. There was most definitely a painting there just a second ago. My curiosity gets the best of me, though. I timidly step out and look around. This version of the penthouse looks just the other one, but it’s much cleaner. My boss comes around the corner and greets me, giving me a small kiss on the cheek. His entire demeanor is different. He’s polite and lively. I’ve lucked out and stepped into an alternate reality. I decide to not ask questions, and just go along with it. We spend the rest of the morning together, eating breakfast and watching the parade from the balcony. After the last float goes by he smiles and pulls me away. He opens the door to a closet where I see a young woman tied up and crying. He hands me a knife. “You can go first this time.”