Saturday, March 21, 2015

Microstory 20: Hamster Song

"I wrote a song for my hamster a while back. It wasn't about my hamster. He had just been asking me to write a new one for the last two years, and I finally broke down and gave it to him. He listened to it politely but it was obvious that he was not impressed. I asked him if there was anything I should change. He just kind of looked out the window and cleared his throat. In the end, he had to admit that I was better off just writing a different song entirely. I told him that that is why I quit in the first place, that they were never good enough. He just scoffed. He was right. There were a few good ones. As I thought about them, I realized that they had one thing in common. My hamster had collaborated on every single one of the good ones. How could I have missed that? He was hesitant to get back into the business, as I had been, but he did agree. We worked day and night, testing lyrics and adjusting notes. But we did it. Hot damn, we did it! We wrote the best thing in our career. It became an instant hit on the radio. I was getting interviews and record deals. I was back on top. But my hamster wasn’t. I left him in the dust. He ended up suing me for taking credit for our work. His case was thrown out because the judge couldn't understand what he was saying because I’m the only one in the world who speaks hamster. I felt bad for him, but was relieved. And then he died, because hamsters don't live very long. What was the question again?"

"No question. I'm upping your dosage. Hamsters can't talk."

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