Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Microstory 1307: Metal Thief

Property Crimes Detective: All right, Metal Thief. Tell me what you know about the Twin Hillside Burglary.
Metal Thief: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Property Crimes Detective: You expect me to believe that? It was all over the news.
Metal Thief: I’m not really into the news. I like history.
Property Crimes Detective: And money.
Metal Thief: Doesn’t everybody?
Property Crimes Detective: And metal.
Metal Thief: Metal makes money.
Property Crimes Detective: What did you do with everything you stole from that house?
Metal Thief: I told you, I didn’t do it.
Property Crimes Detective: Then who did?
Metal Thief: How the hell should I know?
Property Crimes Detective: Well, you must have contacts, what with everything we know that you’ve stolen.
Metal Thief: What did they take?
Property Crimes Detective: Everything.
Metal Thief: Everything?
Property Crimes Detective: Everything but the kitchen sink. They did take the workshop sink that was in the garage, though.
Metal Thief: They literally cleaned it all out? But just the one house?
Property Crimes Detective: Yes.
Metal Thief: You didn’t call me in because you think I did it. You called me in for help.
Property Crimes Detective: [sighs] Where would someone go to unload all that? I’m talkin’ bookshelves, couches, televisions, frickin’ photo albums. They took a lot of junk that was personal; I honestly don’t get it.
Metal Thief: They took photo albums?
Property Crimes Detective: Yeah. What does that mean to you?
Metal Thief: There’s always someone willing to take the valuable stuff. You don’t even need to go to the black market. All you would need to do is haul that stuff to your own house, and sell it on your lawn.
Property Crimes Detective: A garage sale?
Metal Thief: As I understand it, confidential informants get paid.
Property Crimes Detective: You give me something I can use, we’ll talk.
Metal Thief: [...] Detective, this crime is personal. Like you said, they took junk. Anyone willing to go to that much trouble is doing it for one of two reasons. A, it’s a prank, in which case it’s gone too far by now. Or B, the victim just went through a bad break up, or fired a disgruntled employee, or something. Find someone your victim has wronged recently, and see if they have a garage sale goin’. Or see if they’ve just purchased storage space somewhere in the city. They may not want, or need, to sell it at all, and it’s really just about hurting the victim.
Property Crimes Detective: That was actually kind of helpful.
Metal Thief: Next time you want a favor, don’t drag me into an interrogation room. Just ask.
Property Crimes Detective: Oh, it’s a favor? I guess we don’t need to pay you then.

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