Microstory 1367: Birthday Boy

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Surveyor 1: Hi, sir. Do you have literally a few seconds to answer a quick question?

Birthday Boy: What is it?

Surveyor 1: Where are you headed this morning?

Birthday Boy: I’m going to work, just like everyone else.

Surveyor 1: Oh, in that case, could you answer one more question?

Birthday Boy: Yes, and that was it. Goodbye.

Surveyor 2: Sir, I noticed how nicely you’re dressed. You must be going to work. But why work on such a fine day. Wouldn’t you rather be relaxing in some comfortable Hawaiin attire?

Birthday Boy: Are you trying to sell me a shirt?

Surveyor 2: Are you in the market for a new shirt?

Birthday Boy: No.

Surveyor 3: Sir.

Birthday Boy: What is it!

Surveyor 3: If you could pick the best vacation, what would it be? A) The mountains. B) A cabin in the woods on the edge of a town where a serial killer is on the loose. C) A cruise. Or D) Also a cruise.

Birthday Boy: The cruise, I guess. Are you working with those other two people?

Surveyor 3: What other two people?

Birthday Boy: Well, they were right there just a moment ago. Hey, where did you go?

Surveyor 4: I’m right here, sir.

Birthday Boy: I wasn’t talking to you.

Surveyor 4: Well, you’re talking to me now. Would you care to answer a survey for the chance to win a free cruise?

Birthday Boy: I don’t believe you.

Surveyor 4: Well, the survey isn’t personal, so what do you have to lose?

Birthday Boy: Fine, go ahead.

Surveyor 4: How do you feel about orcas? Are we for, or against?

Birthday Boy: I actually love orcas. They’re, like, my favorite animal.

Surveyor 4: Great, because the cruise includes an orca watching excursion.

Birthday Boy: There is no cruise. And orcas are incredibly hard to find in Hawaii.

Surveyor 4: I beg to differ, sir.

Surveyor 5: Sir, do you have time for a survey?

Birthday Boy: I’m already in the middle of a survey!

Surveyor 6: Sir?

Surveyor 7: Sir?

Surveyor 8: Sir?

Surveyor 9: Sir? Do you have time for a quick survey about horseback riding?

Surveyor 10: Sir?

Birthday Boy: Stop it! What the hell is going on?

Surveyor 11: Do you have time for a survey? Are you afraid of helicopters?

Birthday Boy: No! No more surveys! Get me out of here!

Birthday Boy’s Girlfriend: I can get you out of here.

Birthday Boy: Girlfriend, what are you doing here? What’s happening?

Birthday Boy’s Girlfriend: Just one more survey, and we’ll let you go.

Birthday Boy: Haha, oh my God. What is this?

Birthday Boy’s Girlfriend: If you could take anyone on a Hawaiin cruise that I bought you for your birthday, who would it be?

Birthday Boy: Your sister.