Thursday, May 21, 2020

Microstory 1369: Jury Selection

Jury Selector: Jury Candidate, where do you work?
Jury Candidate: I work for a paperclip manufacturing company, based out of Kansas City. We’re the largest papercl—
Jury Selector: Great, and what are your primary responsibilities there?
Jury Candidate: I...I make paperclips. Like, I literally make the paperclips on the factory floor. I’m hoping for a promotion into an administrative department, though. I have really great interpersonal skills.
Jury Selector: Are you in charge of one or more other workers?
Jury Candidate: Uh...not yet. But again, it’s only a matter of time before I get that promotion, and show them what I’m worth.
Jury Selector: Okay. According to this questionnaire, you have served on a jury before. Were you the foreperson?
Jury Candidate: No, but I wanted to be, and I would like to be this time, so I’m throwing my hat in the ring now, before anyone else can.
Jury Selector: That will be up to the rest of the jury, and will happen at the beginning of deliberations, if you are chosen for a seat. We will not be involved with that decision. Now. Have you ever heard of RandoCorp?
Jury Candidate: You could say that. Yes, I have heard of it, yes.
Jury Selector: Have you, or anyone close to you, ever worked for RandoCorp, its parent company, CompreCo, or any of its subsidiaries, including Ordinariosa, Mundane Solutions, or Triviam Inc.
Jury Candidate: No, I would never. I mean, I have never.
Jury Selector: That was an interesting answer. What have you heard about the case for which you would be serving, RandoCorp v. Plaintiff?
Jury Candidate: I have heard nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Jury Selector: I find that rather hard to believe. This situation has been in the news for the past three weeks.
Jury Candidate: Well, I don’t really read the news. I don’t drive anymore either, so I don’t pay much attention to the software that goes into vehicles.
Jury Selector: If you’ve never heard anything about it, how do you know the case involves vehicular software?
Jury Candidate: Well, that’s what the company does. I just made a guess.
Jury Selector: RandoCorp does a lot of very different things; hence their name. There’s no way you could have guessed which division is pertinent here. Tell me, Jury Candidate, have you ever known anyone to be involved in a vehicular collision?
Jury Candidate: I don’t see how that’s relevant.
Jury Selector: The plaintiff is suing RandoCorp for alleged mishandling of an automated braking system. Vehicular collisions are completely relevant. Please answer the question.
Jury Candidate: Yeah, I have. My cousin died in a car accident, but it had nothing to do with the brakes.
Jury Selector: What did it have to do with?
Jury Candidate: Don’t worry about it.
Jury Selector: Your Honor, we reject this candidate for the jury.
Jury Candidate: No, don’t! What are you talking about?
Jury Selector: If you can’t give a reasonable answer to the question, I’m afraid we cannot trust you to be a fair and impartial member of the jury.
Jury Candidate: You work for the plaintiff! Why would you kick me out! I’m gonna find RandoCorp guilty.
Jury Selector: I am here to serve my client to the best of my ability, but I will not corrupt the judicial system for it. Again, Your Honor, we reject this candidate for the jury.
Selection Process Judge: Defendant’s Jury Selector, do you concur?
Defendant’s Jury Selector: One hundred percent, Your Honor. Reject.
Jury Selector: This is bullcrap! Unhand me, sir! RandoCorp is going down! If it’s not because of this, it’ll be because of something. I swear to God, I’m gonna figure out how to...!

No comments :

Post a Comment