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Counting my alternate self, but only counting work on my original Earth, I
have had 17 jobs for 42 companies at 48 locations. How is that even
possible? Well, keep reading, and I’ll explain it to you. But first, let’s
start at the beginning; a very good place to start, as they say. When I was
in my twenties, I took a personality test. (Okay, I guess we’re
not starting at the beginning, are we?) What I learned is that I
exhibit traits from all sixteen personality types, but least of all
Performer, and most of all Protector. When I see someone
crossing the street, my instinct tells me to watch them to make sure they
make it all the way to the other side. My head is constantly on a swivel,
looking out for threats, and keeping an eye on people who may be in danger.
Now, I’m not saying that I would easily jump between an innocent person and
a bullet, but I do believe that I wouldn’t ever use someone as a human
shield. I’m always worried about people’s safety. Somehow, my dad intuited
this, and he made me get my lifeguard certification when I was fifteen years
old. I think the class began the day after my birthday, or something really
soon, so I could not have begun any earlier. The course translated well into
a job, with my teacher becoming my boss, so that’s what I did for three
years. I was young and frustrated with it, but when I look back, it was
probably one of my best jobs. I just didn’t know how good I had it. As I
explained in the previous post, I started doing volunteer work right after
high school, and when I came back, I fell into a job working for a
maintenance contractor. I don’t remember much about it, including how much I
made, but I know that I took a business trip to build workstations at the
client’s new site in Wichita. The other guys in the car were smokers, so
that was pretty much hell for me. They were so inconsiderate, and
disgusting, and I hope they live in misery now. In 2008, however, I started
to work as a projectionist at a small movie theatre while I was already in
college. There were actually a few different locations owned by the same
people, but you couldn’t really call it a chain. I was the only
projectionist the place had ever had, and probably ever did have after that.
Most staff members who handled that were also managers, but I didn’t want
that kind of responsibility. My bosses asked me repeatedly to be a
supervisor when I was a lifeguard too. I eventually regretted declining both
of those jobs. I would have made a little extra money, which could have come
in handy later. I just didn’t trust my leadership skills yet. I only worked
at the theatres for about fifteen or so months, and I hated every second of
it. My bosses were all republicans, and they had this warped view of
reality, which made them conflate busyness with productivity. It didn’t
matter if you had already cleaned the counter fifty times in a row today. If
there’s nothing else to do, then wipe it down fifty more times!
Whew, I’ve only talked about three jobs, and I’m already in the second
paragraph. The time after I graduated from college was really tough on me.
Years later, it may not sound like I spent that much time out of work, but
when I was in the thick of it, it was torture. I applied for a ton of jobs,
but no one was biting. Even when I could get an interview, I did poorly,
because of my autism. I started volunteering at the elementary school where
my sister worked, in the library. I also branched out to other libraries at
the same time. I took a brief job in the mail department at the IRS, which
only lasted a few weeks, then went right back to the libraries. Finally in
2012, I got my first big boy job at a tax preparation corporation, editing
training documents for other employees. It was temporary, but it paid a
whole ton of money; enough to let me move out of the house! It was over
after several months. But then they called me back the next year! But that
only lasted two months. They put me in charge of even temporarier temps, but
paid me less than the last job. And then they never called me back, so screw
‘em! It was probably a few weeks before I secured another job, this time
working at a warehouse for a computer manufacturing company. I had some
six-degrees of Kevin Bacon connection going on, but I ended up not liking
the guy on the other side of the separation, and I still don’t know how we
were connected. That only lasted about fifteen months too. I went on
vacation, came back for less than a week, and then the FTC raided the
offices, and shut the whole company down. They were selling preorders to
customers before they had engineered the product, and never making good on
their promise (read:fraud). They tried to start up again after all the legal
stuff, but ultimately didn’t survive. Maybe if they had asked me to return
too, things might have turned out differently. Lol, no thanks.
I spent about a year unemployed, trying to take some classes to become a web
developer, but I’m not smart enough for that, so it super backfired. I ended
up taking a part-time job as a package sorter for a worldwide courier. It
obviously didn’t exactly pay six figures, so I tried to get a second job at
a grocery store, but it sucked. I was looking to add a few extra hours every
day, not work twelve hours straight some days of the week. Plus, the boss
was another guy who thought being busy was the same thing as being
productive. If there was no bad produce to turn over, then he expected you
to throw away perfectly good fruit, just so you’re doing something.
What a dick, I hope he’s miserable too. I hate wasting food. I didn’t even
ever put that job on my résumé. I lasted two weeks, and only gave him a few
hours notice. Finally, here’s where the real work begins, and also where my
numbers begin to rise. I worked for a temp agency, for a contractor, which
had a contract at an engineering firm. I was on the mail team, and often
moved around to a few different sites. I even drove the van. I was basically
a floater. When someone was out, I would fill in for them, so while everyone
else specialized in their own thing, I knew everything. Unfortunately, they
ultimately decided that they didn’t need an extra person, so they dropped me
after a year. I was only off work for a month before a replacement came
along, though, working for their primary competitor. I was actually at the
unemployment office when I got the call for an interview. The guy who would
become my boss said that the reason he hired me, despite my many,
many jobs up until that point, was because I said that I just wanted
a chance to prove myself. Most other interviewers didn’t like that much
honesty, but he did.
Now the company number is going to skyrocket. I was even more of a floater
than I was before. Like the previous contractor, this one also had contracts
all over the city, but unlike that one, I was assigned to most of them,
instead of just the one. I went to over a dozen different places, sometimes
staying there for a week, and sometimes only a few hours. I went to a few
sites only once, but many sites a whole bunch of times. That’s how I’ve
worked for so many companies, but only with a handful of jobs. A few of the
sites were about an hour away, so I got a lot of money from the mileage
reimbursement, especially since we would always subtract the distance where
we lived from the “home office” even though I literally never stepped foot
in there, and didn’t even know exactly where it was. Anyway, it was just
like the job before, but more formal. When someone was sick or on vacation,
or just if a site needed extra help, they would send me, or someone else on
my team. One of the site supervisors was being hired by the site themselves,
so I interviewed to replace him, and got the job. It was at a law firm, so I
learned a little bit of law there. Three years later, the site was shut down
when a competitor secured the contract with a lower bid, but
my company didn’t let me go. They moved me around a couple times,
technically in the position I was just before, but that only lasted a couple
of months before I found another site. I wasn’t the supervisor anymore, but
I told my then-boss that I wasn’t going to accept anything lower than my
wage at the time, so it came with a raise, which was what really mattered to
me. This was the best job that I (my alternate) ever had. The work is really
hard to learn, but very easy to do once you learn it, so he’s actually happy
there. So there you have it, all those jobs, with even more companies, and
even more locations. I wonder what’s next...
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