Microstory 389: Acknowledgement

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Station

As I’ve said about a million times here, I have autism. I honestly didn’t know if I was going to mention it here. Actually, no, the thought didn’t even cross my mind. I had no intention of bringing myself into this site except in the usual “write what you know” kind of thing. I was diagnosed as an adult, but even before I knew, I knew. In fact, I can go back to a journal entry I wrote in either middle school or very early high school where I admit this to myself. Basically the deal with autism is that, whatever other kind of psychological problems you have going on, they’ll really just be part of that. Because autism is not a disease. It’s an array of conditions found, to a certain degree, in a quantifiable fraction of the population. Ultimately, I have a neuroatypical brain, and you have a neurotypical brain, but they’re both just human brains. This is the way I am, it’s integral to my identity, and though I do want to become a better person, I don’t want to get rid of it. That would be lobotomy, and no one wants that. Before I understood all this about myself, and even since then, I’ve been “the quiet one”. Those who don’t know me can be confused by this. People have actually been pissed off that I don’t engage them in a stupid goddamn conversation about the meaning of the temperature today being one degree different than yesterday. Man, stop talking about the weather. I really need you to let it go. Anyway, here’s the kicker. Those who do know me know that I prefer to be quiet, so they let that happen. They go about their conversations and leave me out of it, because I usually don’t want to contribute. But sometimes I do, and how am I supposed to get their attention? This is a very literal example of what I’m saying here, and I can confirm and not deny that I told this story so I could stretch out the next few entries. The first step to being an accepted and respected member of a group or society is acknowledgement. People have to first realize you’re even there, and only then can you possibly get them to hear what you have to say.

Attention