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Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Microstory 1052: Pearl

I’m having a [redacted]. Oops, I shouldn’t have said that. Vester never wanted to know the sex of the baby, but he’ll understand, so you can go ahead and print this. I respect the integrity of being on the record. Anyway, it was just one of many things we disagreed on that we ended up finding a compromise for. I found out the truth, while he remains oblivious, like he wants it. He says the sex doesn’t matter to him, but I say the fact that he’s so adamant against knowing means that he actually places more emphasis on it than I do. My knowing doesn’t mean I’m going to love [redacted] any less than I would a [redacted]. It doesn’t mean I’ll paint the nursery [redacted], or buy [redacted] for [redacted], or do any of the other heteronormative things people are expected to adhere to. He has this list written up of possible names, but I already have one picked out. I think you can probably guess what it is. You know, there actually is a masculine form of the name, so I could use it either way. Viola Woods was a wonderful and selfless person, so if there’s even a small chance a name can have any impact on how a child turns out, I want to be as safe as possible. A producer from one of those documentary series about pregnant teens showed up a couple months ago, wanting to do a piece on me, and my life. I kept telling them that it wouldn’t make for very good television. Yes, I’m pregnant, and yes I’m still in high school, but that doesn’t mean it turned my life upside down. At least not any more than it does for anyone else. Children are a lot of work; I recognize that, but I have an incredible support system, which includes my boyfriend, Sylvester.

That argument I told you about, where we disagreed on whether we should know what the sex is? That’s not an example of how different we are; it’s an example of how we work together, and get past our issues. I wouldn’t be going through with this if I didn’t think he could handle it. It was always going to be a team effort, and I wasn’t going to settle for anything less. He underwent a series of tests while I was still in my first trimester; some of which he knew as they were happening, and some came out of my own personal observations. I had to know if he was going to be a good father, would stick by me, and most importantly, would respect what our family needed. I went through these tests too. In fact, I probably tested myself harder than I did him, because I needed to know whether this was the right decision, and simply reflecting on my feelings wasn’t going to cut it. I had to know for sure, because whatever I decided, there would come a point when it could not be reversed, and I didn’t want to have any regrets. Fortunately, we had an unbiased third party to devise these tests. That’s right. Viola came up with them. She basically wrote an entire self-help book on pregnancy within, like, two weeks. I’m currently in communication with Viola’s parents, to see if there’s anyway we can expand on, and publish, what she came up with. If we decide to go ahead with it, we might even reach out to Herman, so he can help make it into a real book. I think Viola would like that. You could be part of it too, if you wanted. All talent welcome. I want to commemorate her in some way that lasts, rather than just a few social media posts you’ll never see again, or a shrine they take down in four years. My parents are trying to talk me out of it, because they think I have a full plate, but I still need to live my life. I want to teach baby [redacted] that you can have your cake, and eat it too. After all, that’s what the OG Viola taught me.

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