Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Microstory 1348: Flush With Cash

Department Manager: So, how’s the job hunt going?
Trust Fund Kid: It’s absolutely dreadful. No one wants to hire someone with no experience in the workforce. I sometimes tell them why, and that never goes over well.
Department Manager: Oh yeah? None at all? Why’s that? Can I be one of the people you tell?
Trust Fund Kid: I don’t know that I should care anymore. I mean, if no one’s gonna hire me anyway, then I might as well be honest, right? I’m what one might call a trust fund kid. My maternal great grandfather was the real estate king in this area, so we come from old money. My paternal grandfather was a jingle writer, and you know those people can make bank if they book the right gig. Then my biological dad was a professional athlete, got killed in a train derailment, and left me his fortune, I guess to make up for not being in my life much. Well, anyway, my mother never cared if I had a job or not, so I never learned any work ethic. Furthermore, I invested in burcoin early on a lark, and made millions of dollars. Then—get this—I win the lottery. At that point, I’m just like, someone is watching over me from above, and they really shouldn’t be.
Department Manager: Why did you play the lottery?
Trust Fund Kid: Okay, here’s the story. I was nearing a million social media followers when I got this idea to give them each a reward. I bought a lottery ticket for every single one of them, and hired a team of temps to mail them out to my fans tout suite. One of the temps took it upon herself to go the extra mile, and program a special scanning software that would create a database of every ticket, and its numbers. So, if any of my people won, we would know it. Well, about four thousand people never responded, or refused to give me their address—which is understandable—so I still had some of the tickets, and one of them was the lucky winner. I tried to give all the money to those temps, particularly the one who built that scanning software, but now she’s my fiancée, so what’s left is kind of mine again.
Department Manager: You have led a very auspicious life.
Trust Fund Kid: Right? Well, I’m trying to make up for it by getting a job, but no one thinks I deserve it. I can’t really blame them for that, and I realize my situation is not as dire as it is for others.
Department Manager: Why don’t you just give the money to charity? Getting a job is still really only gonna help you.
Trust Fund Kid: Oh, most of the money is gone. I do donate it to various charities, but that’s just money; not my time. I want to give my time now.
Department Manager: Hm.
Trust Fund Kid: So, am I hired?
Department Manager: We haven’t even talked about what the job would entail.
Trust Fund Kid: I don’t have any experience, but I do have a lot of education.
Department Manager: Yes, this résumé is just your entire school history. You have an MBA from Hillside University?
Trust Fund Kid: Yeah, I don’t know why. I don’t run a business.
Department Manager: Maybe you should.
Trust Fund Kid: Maybe I should run a business? Which one?
Department Manager: You could start one.
Trust Fund Kid: What would my hypothetical company do?
Department Manager: Just take a look at this list. It itemizes everything you’ve learned since you graduated from high school. You studied computers a little. You could run a tech firm, and hire a bunch of people who are more knowledgeable than you. You could open a gym, because you took all these sports classes. Again, you don’t have to be the smartest in your industry. You just need to find people who can do it for you. You already have capital, so all you need is people. And those people need a place to work. Talk about winning. When the virus hit, so many employers had to let their employees go, because they didn’t budget in catastrophe. They just gave their executives huge bonuses, and wasted money on things we shouldn’t be using anymore, like paper. You could do better.
Trust Fund Kid: Hm.
Department Manager: Yeah.
Trust Fund Kid: What do you do for this company again?
Department Manager: This is the Washroom Department for the Appliance Division.
Trust Fund Kid: Great, let’s do that. Are you in?

No comments :

Post a Comment