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I’m not having a good day. The meeting with the people went fine. We struck
a deal, and I’ll start to promote their products and services in future
installments. These won’t be non sequiturs, though. They’ll provide me with
samples, so I can mention them more casually and naturally during my regular
updates. You won’t ever hear me just randomly doing ads only for them. I’ll
still have normal things to say about how my life is going, but also what
I’m using. I’ll also be incorporating their own banner advertising system,
as opposed to the one that’s built into the blogging service. Everything
still has to go through their legal department, and I’ve been advised to
find a lawyer of my own, but once I finish signing the paperwork, we’ll
start. It was after the meeting was over that things started to become not
so great. As you know, I’m vegetarian, and I’ve been this way for years.
It’s something that I wanted to do for a long time before I found the
opportunity to make the leap. I never liked the idea of killing to survive,
but fresh fruits and vegetables are expensive, and I am not a good cook.
Once I started living in Havenverse with Cricket and Claire, though, that
all stopped being a problem, so I was able to adopt my desired diet. That
all changed this evening. My new business partners wanted to celebrate the
deal with a meal, like you do. Unfortunately, they have a more specific idea
of what that entails. To avoid being rude, I let them order a steak for me,
and I ate it. It was the first meat I had eaten in years, and I did not feel
good about it. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy. It can be my worst
character flaw, but it has kept me completely away from drugs and alcohol,
so I’ve never tried to change. I don’t want to.
I once believed that I wasn’t very susceptible to peer pressure, but now I
think that that had more to do with the fact that I didn’t have peers. No
one outside of my family ever cared much what I did or didn’t do with my
life. So I reluctantly agreed to the steak, and I had to hold back tears as
I was chewing. When it was over, and we officially said our goodbyes, I went
back to my apartment, and threw up again. A part of it was because it was
too much, and a part of it was stress and guilt, but another part of me
believed that I could undo it by not letting my body process the meat all
the way. Of course, it doesn’t work like that, and anyway, one point is to
lower my carbon impact, and the damage has already been done. I’m just going
to have to figure out a way through this. I’ve said this before, and it’s
always been about my health and weight, but this time, it’s for the animals:
my diet starts now. From tomorrow onwards, I will never eat meat again,
whether anyone asks me to or not. They’ll have to force me if they want it
to happen. I’m just gonna go to bed for now, and try to put it in the past.
As I said, it can’t be undone.
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