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And so she said, “why don’t you try lifting it up first? I promise, you
can’t miss it!” *Crowd laughs* We have a great show for you tonight. Landis
Tipton is here! *Hold for applause* That’s right. They said he’d never do it,
but he took time out of his incredibly busy schedule to come talk to us, and I
can’t wait for you to hear what he has to say. Before we get to our first
guest, I want to talk to you about Mr. Tipton. *Don’t cry* This story is near
and dear to my heart. As many of you know, my mother was diagnosed with
cervical cancer seven years ago. She was given a four-year prognosis, and we
did everything to make them the best years of her life. When we heard about
Mr. Tipton’s foundation, we were...cautiously excited. Here was a real way for
my mother to live longer and healthier, but we knew that it was no guarantee.
A year ago, however, our application was accepted, and she was able to receive
her breath of life. That’s right. My mother beat the odds even when she still
had cancer, which she doesn’t anymore. Her doctors can’t find any trace of it
in her body. It’s like it was never there. I’ve been hoping for an interview
as long as Landis has been on the scene, but my people lobbied hard for it
after news broke of my mother’s success story. She’s actually here, and will
be one of the few honored with the opportunity to thank her savior in person
after the fact. There she is. Smile for the camera, mom. *More applause* Oh.
Yes. Thank you, thank you! So much love in this house, I’m so grateful. Okay,
my producer is tapping on his watch, so I better wrap this up. I usually don’t
get to talk this long after my jokes. We have a great show for you! *Cheers*
Random Spans is playing for us! *Louder cheers* Genesis Ventura is here to
speak with us! *Even louder cheers* Stick around! *Music plays*
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