Sunday, May 21, 2017

The Advancement of Mateo Matic: July 13, 2128

Mateo and Juan did not immediately go to Florida. They first traveled back through the teleporter pool, and onto the Tribulation Island. There, the both of them spent the day with the whole group, and then Juan and Leona spent the following year talking a great deal. He was one of her birth parents’ favorite historical figures, and subsequently the inspiration for her first name. He was not surprisingly experienced in history and the future He was famous in the salmon world for carrying around something called the Compass of Disturbance, which was capable of locating and harnessing natural temporal anomalies. He used these fractures to explore all of time and space, and learn about various cultures. By the time Mateo returned to the timeline the next year, the two of them were the best of friends, even though they had never even shaken hands, or given each other a hug due to the merge barrier. They all had their annual breakfast together, and then Mateo and Juan set off on their mission.
Juan took his compass out and moved it around in the air to get a good reading. “We’re not headed directly towards Florida, but we are on the right right path.”
“That thing can tell you how to get somewhere that’s going to get you somewhere else?”
“I have been using this thing for many years. I have learned to interpret it better than anyone else.”
“How did you encounter it? How did you make your way into our world?”
Juan tried to tell his story. “I first traveled to the peninsula of Florida in search of—”
“The Fountain of Youth,” Mateo jumped in. “Yes.”
“No. That’s a myth. Though, looking back, I imagine my search for immortality after my original mortal voyages will ultimately go on and inspire the rumors. But no, I first went to Florida for this type of plant I had heard of with fascinating, but still nonmagical, properties. I had encountered people who brewed a special vine into a tea that made them feel youthful. It made them lively, and happy, and it lowered their inhibitions. It basically just made them drunk, but without the alcohol, which meant it lacked its deleterious effects. If I had found it, I’d have been rich, selling a social and euphoric drink with no hangover. Could you imagine? Well, this is the future, people here don’t have to imagine, but back then, it would have been amazing. Anyway, I actually did find what I was looking for, but it wasn’t what I had hoped. Its effects had been greatly enhanced by the other drugs people were taking alongside it. So that was a bust, but the trip did end up leading me to this pit. It was the dryest place I’d ever seen. Water literally flowed away from it. When I opened my canteen for a drink, it was completely empty. I knew then that I was somewhere unusual, but I didn’t know exactly what.
“I began to dig. I wasn’t sure why, but I knew that something was in the ground. Something was making the water disappear. And that’s when I found it.” Juan held up his precious compass. “This compass. Despite having been buried naked in the ground for God knows how long, it was perfectly clean and brand new, with not a scratch on it. When I opened it, it started spinning around furiously. I thought it was going to burst. Then a light appeared before me. I walked through it, and found myself in the exact same place I already was, but at a different time. Ya see, I actually had discovered the Fountain of Youth. I had just gotten there too late. It’s a spring that runs more than sixteen hundred years ago, before naturally drying up, as springs do. Obviously, you have to go back in time and get to the water before that happens. I was there back then, but of course, I didn’t know that it had anything to do with immortality. And even if I did, I wouldn’t know I needed to drink Catalyst first. I just used it to fill my canteen, and then moved on. I’ve been running around with this thing ever since. It’s only recently that I was told what I was missing.”
“Wow. You must have seen so much. You’re going to see so much more once we find these waters.”
“That’s the plan.”
“It’s not a bad plan,” Arcadia said. She had been waiting for them at the lake where Mateo and Leona completed the Six Days, Seven Nights tribulation.
“You must be a waypoint,” Juan said.
“Are you calling me fat?” she asked with what was hopefully feigned disgust.
“Are you calling me a person who calls people fat?” Juan threw back with excellent precision.
She lifted her chin at a slant and studied his face. “I like you. I probably should have introduced myself earlier.”
Juan bowed, and kissed a hand that she presented him. “I greet you as the inhabitants of Kentavro in the 24th century.”
“I am pleased,” Arcadia says to him formally and gracefully, with a gentle curtsy.
“What’s a waypoint?”
The other two looked at him like he was a mountain man at a cotillion, Juan reluctantly so. He wanted to respect Mateo more, but there was just no getting around the fact that Mateo. Was. Kind of. Dumb.
“Waypoints come in many forms,” Arcadia started to explain. “They can be people, or geographical obstacles, or temporal illnesses. The one thing they have in common is that they make you wait before you can move on with your journey. They’re not designed for that purpose, necessarily. It’s really just a general term used to describe anything that gets in a true traveler’s way. It is interesting, Mateo, that in all your time as a salmon, you have met only two true travelers.”
“At the risk of making myself look even stupider, what is the definition of a true traveler?”
“You know choosing ones who use their temporal powers for some kind of gain. The Chauffeur takes payments for fares. Glaston just likes pissing people off. He can often be found literally kidnapping people by spiriting them away to other spacetime points. He puts them back when he gets bored. True travelers, on the other hand, simply want to experience life from other perspectives.” She pointed to Juan. “The Navigator does this with his device. The Warrior through death. Mateo, you would be a true traveler if you had been born a chooser, rather than a salmon.” She started to speak her sentences slowly, like she was trying to convey a message of importance, the same way that Barack Obama or Christopher Walken did. She also temporarily adopted a vague transatlantic accent. “This is the life you should be living. This is the life you’re looking for. You should be going on adventures, and quests, for nothing more than the sake of doing them. You should be collecting stories to tell vikings in a bar, smiling knowingly as they laugh, for they do not realize you are telling the God’s honest truth.”
“What are you saying, Arcadia?”
“I have another proposition for you.”
“Oh no, here we go.”
“I can release you from the powers that be. I can get you the immortality waters that you’re missing. I can give you the life you deserve; that you’re built for.”
“Let me guess, you won’t bring my friends back into the timestream, and I have to leave Leona behind.”
“No, I’ll bring them back, and I’ll let you stay with her.” She said the last word with such disdain.
“But...?”
“But,” she echoed. “Your memories will be erased. You’ve heard of blending brains, but my sister could do more than that.”
“That’s an arbitrary price. You don’t have to erase my memories. You just want me to have to make a choice.”
“Actually that’s not true. You would have to lose your memories in order to survive the transition.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Where you’re living right now is but one universe of many. I’m not talking many worlds theory, that’s bogus. These universes can be created by people in other universes, just by the strength of their convictions.”
Mateo wasn’t impressed. “You mean Imaginationland?”
“Not unlike that story. Which is a story...originating from another universe, and taking place...in yet another universe.”
“So it’s not real?”
“Time and perception are all that matter when it comes to what’s real. It is not a simulation. It cannot be turned off, or reprogrammed, or hacked; it can only be accessed. It is real.”
“It would never really be real, because it is not this universe.”
“Well let me ask you this,” Arcadia said. “What makes you think that the universe you’re in right now...is the real one?” She gave him a second to think about this. “You could have asked Vearden about this.”
“Don’t you say his name,” Mateo snapped.
She nodded calmly. “I will do as you ask. Will you?”
Mateo looked at Juan, and then back the way they had come, in the general direction of Leona.
“You can have your Leona, and your time with her too,” Arcadia said as her final selling point.
Mateo then just looked back at Juan again. “Is this waypoint going to take much longer. We’re gonna be late for our flight to Florida.”
Arcadia brought in and released a deep breath. “Very well.” She moved aside and let them pass. “Two more legs. Hurry back, though. I believe it’s Taco Tuesday. There may be ice cream too.”
Mateo and Juan walked a few more miles along the bank of the lake, and then on to the Golf Plains. Just as the top of the replica of The Colosseum was appearing in view, Juan informed him that they were near the breach. They walked through it and landed in what was present-day Florida. They were standing in a lush forest, but could hear the buzz of a drone not too far from them. Juan recalibrated his compass, and passed them into another breach a few meters away. Together, they filled nearly a dozen water bottles of Youth. The extra might come in handy one day.
They couldn’t just retrace their steps in order to get back to the island. They had to go through an entirely new pathway, one that was much longer than the first. They walked through many points in time and space, occasionally on alien planets. They actually saw a young Vearden talking with a young Lincoln. Mateo didn’t even know that they knew each other before the island. When finally they returned home, it was dinner time, and decidedly not Taco Tuesday. They just ate their regular boar and bananas, had some interesting, but sad, conversations, and then went to bed. Tomorrow would be all about Longevity water, which Mateo assumed meant it would take a long time.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Flurry: 13 Going on 30 (Part VI)

Ace cracked the door open to get a tiny look around. People were walking back and forth. They weren’t paying attention to anything but themselves, but would still notice two guys coming out of a literal closet with no apparent authority to be there. “We didn’t really think this through.”
“We didn’t have all the facts,” Serkan said.
“We should have brought a ladder.”
“You mean like this one?” Serkan stepped back so he could see a step ladder hanging on the wall.”
“I mean one so that we could have climbed to the top of. That way, we would magically appear on the second floor, even deeper beyond security.”
“Again, we couldn’t have known that we would need that.”
“Well...we knew that we were going to an office building. We should have dressed as contractors, or in business suits.”
“You mean like these ones?” Serkan removed two business suits hanging on the wall behind the supply shelves. One was labelled with a big letter S, and the other, an H.”
“Why the hell are those even here? This is for cleaning supplies.”
“It’s like they were left here for us.”
“This doesn’t feel right,” Ace said, worried.
The doorknob started jiggling as someone was trying to open it.  They could hear someone talking from the other side. “Yeah, have a good night, Chip!” it said before starting to mutter under its breath, “you stupid corporate hack.” The door opened, and the voice asked them “why aren’t you two dressed yet?”
“Vearden?” He was much older, say about eleven years.
“Put your suits on. You look ridiculous.”
“How did you find us? How did you know when we would be here?”
He sighed impatiently and tried to close the door behind him. Some random guy asked him what he was doing. “Just having a secret meeting with a couple of time travelers!” he yelled back with a laugh. He then went back to Serkan and Ace. “It didn’t take me that long to figure out where you would end up, based on its distance from the road. Google Maps is a wonderful thing. I also knew you were destined for the summer of 2024, so I positioned myself to be stationed at this building for as long as I needed. Then I just keep an eye on this room.” He pointed to the back corner where they were being watched by a security camera. “Don’t worry, it’s a closed system. It can only be accessed from my account.”
“You work for High Castle?”
“Snowglobe, actually,” Vearden answered. “I figured we could use an inside man with some range. High Castle is not our only threat from this conglomerate.”
“That’s what you’ve been doing this whole time?” Ace asked.
Vearden smiled nostalgically, but also with sadness. “It’s been a long journey in this...City of Fountains. You got your math wrong, though. Lincoln Rutherford was far too young to be a lawyer in 2013. I did find Kyle K. Stanley, though. He didn’t own his own practice at the time, but he did give me my first job opportunity.”
“Oh,” Serkan said. “You’re right, I didn’t realize. I’m so sorry, we should have been more careful with you.”
“It’s okay,” Vearden said truthfully. “But you really do need to change your clothes. This place has a strict dress code. Business casual gets you fired, even for the mail guys.”
Serkan and Ace started getting dressed.
“I had to guess on your sizes.”
“Can you get us to the top floor?”
Vearden smiled knowingly. “You don’t want to go to the top floor. You want to go beyond that. And yes, I can get you there. Just be glad this isn’t 2023. It’s taken me forever to learn how to navigate the vator maze.”
“The vator maze. That...sounds...ominous,” Ace said, as he was tying his new shoes.
“It is. This place is confusing as hell. If you’re looking for a particular floor, you better make sure you’re in the right tower, or you won’t make it to the right room.”
Serkan adjusted his tie in a little mirror. “I assume there are secret passageways, like all the best castles had.”
“Boy, are there ever. Come on. This building is most vulnerable during the one o’clock shift change.”
Once he had determined that the coast was clear, Vearden led them across the lobby and into one of the elevators. It had to specifically be the freight elevator, though, or they wouldn’t be able to go where they needed to. As they were moving upwards, he hovered over the buttons and watched the numbers on the screen change, careful to press another one at the precise time required. For instance, when they were passing the second floor, he pressed 8, and when they were passing the third, he pressed 6. Not only was there a code, but you had to enter them at the exact right time. Finally, they stopped midway between twelve and fourteen, the buttons indicating that there was technically no thirteenth floor, presumably due to superstition. But apparently there was, just not one accessible to the general population. Vearden placed his index finger against his lips, then pointed towards the doors, which were not opening. He then reached over and took hold of the safety railing with both hands, using what appeared to be a not insignificant amount of strength to wrench it from its place, taking a section of the wall with it.
Removing that part of the wall showed there to be a second set of elevator doors. Vearden took a quarter out of Ace’s coat pocket and slipped it between the doors. They could hear it drop down. “Dammit,” he whispered. He now took the quarter he had left in Serkan’s pocket and dropped it into the crack more carefully. It fell it its slot, and opened the doors for them. Once they were through to the other side, Vearden pulled the false wall back in place, and pushed a button to close the secret doors. “Every Snowglobe subsidiary’s headquarters has a secret thirteenth floor,” he said, still in a low voice. “Many people know this, and even work there. Not even they know that there’s a secret section of the secret floor only accessible to an even more elite few.”
“You’re one of those few?” Ace asked.
“No. Infiltration is a complex process. We are still not anywhere close to knowing everything there is to know.”
“Who’s we?”
“We need to get going,” Vearden said, ignoring the question.
“Is this where the leader guy works?” Serkan asked.
“Not quite. It just gets us there. We still have a ways to go.”
Vearden continued to lead them through a series of doors, elevators, and passageways in a secret section of the building. At one point, they had to duck into this weird hobbit hole closet. They did not encounter a single other person on their way, or really any evidence that anyone else had ever been there. Except that it was always so clean. When they asked him about it, Vearden just said that The Custodian has been doing his job right. They traveled up, down, and around. One elevator even moved in several different directions, according to the right combination of buttons. Like, it’s one thing to make it hard for people to get into your secret building, but this would make it hard for you too. Even with muscle memory letting you enter all these codes, and navigate this maze, it would still take at least fifteen minutes to get through the whole thing. Was it worth not just, ya know, investing in better locks, or something? Or just build your evil lair in a volcano so that people won’t try to get there anyway.
He kept walking with a purpose, never having to stop and make sure that he was going the right way. If he hadn’t been here before, then he was certainly confident in whatever was telling him where to go. But then something happened that gave him pause. They turned a corner to find a set of double doors, which didn’t seem all that weird to Serkan and Ace based on everything else that was happening, but Vearden was concerned. “This...this is not supposed to be here.”
“Are you sure?”
He removed a paper tablet that had been stuffed into the back of his pants and started examining it, pinching and swiping through a set of blueprints and instructions. “No, it’s definitely not on the map.”
“Well, maybe it’s not on the map because it isn’t important,” Serkan suggested. “We go down the hallway regardless, right?”
“Right, but...” Vearden agreed, still confused.
Just then, the doors that didn’t belong swung open, revealing two women standing at the entrance to a lush botanical garden. “Vearden,” one of them exclaimed in excitement. “You’re alive.”
“Gretchen,” the other said. “This is 2024. It’s an alternative version of him; the one from this timeline. He doesn’t know you.”
Should I know you?” Vearden asked.
“We’re married,” Gretchen said.
“Gretchen, stop!” the other ordered.
“Shut up, Danuta!” Gretchen yelled back.
“It’s not him!”
“It is him!” Gretchen argued. “We can contact The Warrior, or even Nerakali. One of them can bring my Vearden back. I can’t believe I never thought of this before.”
“He’s clearly busy,” Danuta argued back. “Plus, look how confused he is. He has no idea what brain blending is. It goes against our code to involve him in our affairs.”
“Screw the code!”
“Uh, hi,” Vearden finally jumped in. “You know an alternate version of me? And he died?” He took a few beats. “And you and I are married?”
“Not just that.” Gretchen took a half step forward, but was trying to be careful. “But we’re also in love. I can restore your memories. Well...I personally can’t, but I know someone who can. He or she will blend your mind with that of the alternate version, and you’ll remember all the lives you’ve lived.”
“Gretchen,” Danuta pleaded. “We can’t do this.”
“I’m standing at the cusp of a shadow dimension,” Vearden told her. “I’m informed enough to make that decision on my own.”
“See?” Gretchen asked Danuta rhetorically. “Still my beautiful Vearden Haywood. I told you we would see each other again, doorwalker.”
He looked back at Serkan and Ace, weighing his options. He then presented the paper tab with the map on it. “This is important,” he said of it. Then he looked back to the garden, and the mysterious Gretchen. But this is important to me.” He handed the map to Ace. “You’ll figure it out. I have to do this.”
“We understand,” Ace said.
Serkan wasn’t feeling so generous, but kept his mouth shut.
Vearden ceremoniously stepped across the threshold and into the impossible garden. He turned back and smiled at them. “Oh, and one more thing. The next time you see Slipstream, remind her that she owes me a favor, and let her know that I’ve transferred that favor to you.”
How does he know Slipstream?
Danuta reluctantly closed the doors, which promptly disappeared.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Microstory 585: Aerial Broadcasting Terminals Unsafe, Scientists Say

When the first land vehicle was invented circa 1694, its hopeful manufacturers faced a problem that continues today for other advances. Why would you buy a car when there’s nowhere to replenish its fuel? Why would you build a refilling station when there aren’t any cars to use them? People figured out this problem eventually, and besides a few hiccups, things ended up okay. Both cars, and their refilling station companions, became ubiquitous across the globe. The second wave of advancements did not come with quite the same issue. Electric vehicles, of course, required a different power source, but at least the infrastructure was already in place. It wasn’t all that hard to retrofit preexisting petrol refilling stations with battery caches. As archaic as it might sound, supercharging was nowhere near possible, and so stations got in the business of trading dead batteries with full batteries, with the ultimate plan to recharge those so that they could in turn be traded with later customers. In fact, statisticians [erroneously] estimated at one point that, if a given individual used the same station for at least a year, chances approach 100% that they used the same battery twice on different charge cycles. Unfortunately for the battery trading trade, this business model was not stable. People wanted to charge their cars as fast as they once filled their tanks, and they didn’t want to lug around heavy batteries in order to do it. Fortunately for them, this was becoming possible, but it also threatened a return to the issue of coordinating rechargeable electric cars with their charging stations. But again, they figured it out. Due to its high cost, only the wealthiest of people were capable of affording electric cars anyway. This allowed for a slower roll-out of charging ports, which were comparatively cheap, and usually worth the lack of business. Electricity, unlike liquid fuels, doesn’t go bad after time, and can be transmitted instantaneously across vast distances, if need be. Once electric vehicles were ready for the middle market, their charging stations were already waiting for them.
When Erebus Heffernan completed his lifelong project of his own form of transportation, he rejoiced. No longer would anyone need to stop and fill up on liquid fuel, or even electricity. It wouldn’t even be necessary to traverse the distance between two points at all. He had created a teleportation device. Passengers step inside the transporter, and indicate their destination. The machine dematerializes them into their composite atoms, and “beams” them to a satellite overhead, which then beams them back down to the planet somewhere else. If you think this sounds fast, but dangerous, you are not alone. Scientists agree with you, and they have the research to back up their claims. In a paper originally published in the scientific journal, Holophrasm, a team of three respected scientists work out the issues with the Aerial Broadcasting Terminal system. It might sound like the setup to a joke, but a molecular physicist, an ethics-centered metaphysicist, and a quantum physicist walked into a conference room at university, and began working together. The entirety of their paper will be accessible to the public in four months time, but as I belong to the industry, I’ve received an early copy. The gist of it is that letting a machine rip you apart, and reassemble you somewhere else...is tantamount to suicide. So many questions can’t really ever be answered, the majority of them posed by the metaphysicist. If something goes wrong while in transit, what happens to you? If one of the machines breaks down and is unable to transmit, or reassemble you, are you dead? If the satellite faces critical failure, and loses power for a time, what are you then? Just a series of data on a logic board. But what if a million years from now, our descendants discover that ancient satellite, and bring you out of it? You’ve returned, but you were probably declared dead 999,999 years ago. Were you? What if there’s some kind of data corruption, and you end up disfigured, or nothing but a pile of goop, on the other side? What even is life?

The reason this article began with an explanation of earlier transportation advances is because Heffernan wanted to avoid these kind of problems by pouring a ton of money in infrastructure, under the assumption that people will flock to this new technology, and begin using it immediately. A trip costs a few dollars, and zero commitment, so why wouldn’t people jump at the chance to ditch their cars and get anywhere they wanted faster? Heffernan invested billions of Usonian dollars building machines all over the world, along with a fleet of satellite intermediaries, the majority of which have not yet launched. It appears that his investments may have been for naught, as this paper has already caused a number of industry experts to warn would-be travelers of the dangers of this form of teleportation, myself included. Only time will tell if the concerns listed in the Holophrasm article are somehow dispelled, or if enough customers decide them to be worth the risk.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Microstory 584: Fairies Leave the Planet

Around the same time that a group of scientists and SDS detectives were accidentally discovering the inner workings of faster-than-light travel, a transhumanistic woman named Morgan LeFay founded an organization. Archaeologists and evolutionary biologists have long known that the proof of evolution lies in the simple fact that humans are about two feet taller on average than our ancestors two million years ago. There are many advantages to an increase in height. Larger animals can often run faster (to an extent), reach to high-hanging fruit, and combat predators better. They also tend to live longer, while tiny species, like insects, burn bright and die young. Of course, in recent times, our evolution in this manner has had less to do with mutations and survival advantages, and more to do with sexual selection. That is, many humans seem to have decided they prefer taller partners, leaving our shorter brethren single, and unable to pass on their genes. The Fairy Institute, based in Wales, chose to focus their posthuman efforts in a very specific field. They have been looking for ways to make humans extremely tiny; about the size of a standard human’s hand. Why would they do this? Well, as stated above, their efforts began before the discovery of plex dimensional travel, and the fairies were interested in exploring the universe.

There are many advantages to a being tiny when attempting to cross the solar barrier, the most important being that a tiny human would take up very little space, and require fewer resources. A larger ship would require more fuel, most of it being allocated to propelling hunks of material, rather than just the passengers that matter. Though plex travel would theoretically render all this discussion meaningless, the Fairy Institute remained steadfast in their belief. In fact, LeFay is quoted as saying, “the need for this technology is more important than it ever has been. We have an opportunity here, and I won’t pass it up. I am not satisfied with just going to the next galaxy over.” The fairies continued their work, perfecting consciousness transference, while designing the perfect new bodies. They did this in secret, revealing only vague and general information to the public. Earlier today, they held a press conference in the countryside to announce their new developments, but Morgan LeFay never came on stage. Nor did anyone else. Journalists sat in their seats, waiting patiently for the conference to begin. Suddenly the curtain fell, as if broken. It revealed a metallic object, about the size of an average land vehicle, not large enough for more than just a handful of people. It was shaped like a kidney bean, and smooth, with no evidence of any seams. It was presumably entered and exited via astral tunneling. After a few more moments of suspension, the beanship disappeared in astral blue. Space agencies around the world would later confirm that it exited the blue dimension halfway between the planet and our moon, then entered the orange plex, never to be seen or heard from again. Meanwhile, journalists remained in their seats, unsure whether anything else was going to happen. A projector rose from the stage and turned itself on. A recording of Morgan LeFay’s final message to humanity began playing:
Children of C, we thank you for your hospitality. You have given us shelter, technology, and inspiration. We will never forget you, but you will never see us again. We believe that we are seeking the answer to the most important question in the universe, which is, what even is the universe? We are ultimately sending our vessel to the highest dimension possible; one that no one in the world has so much as imagined before. This will allow us to travel to the far reaches of the observable universe in a matter of years. However, we are not stopping there. We will keep going, and we will keep going until we’ve reached our final destination. One day, perhaps in thousands of years, we will hopefully land on this rock once more. Like famous explorer Merrianne Derringer, who’s most known for being the first person to circumnavigate the planet, our intention is to circle the cosmos. We are attempting to find out if this universe is flat, or if it is closed. We may never return. We may never find home, nor may we find anything of note out there, but we’re going anyway. Wish us luck. Again, thank you for everything.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Microstory 583: New Home Hair Management Products

One thing that everyone deals with is their hair, whether it be the lack there of it, or that it’s too long, or just its general unruliness. While other companies are working on trying to cure cancer, or develop faster supersonic passenger aircraft, one has decided to help with something a little simpler. Antubian Product Co. has created a so-called revolutionary new product line that claims to provide for everyone’s hair needs, whatever they may be. This line involves multiple kinds of products, to be used differently, and sometimes in tandem. A series of microinjections, for instance, can (oversimplistically speaking) jumpstart hair follicles, and engender growth. The irony in this is that the device only works once the subject has first been shaved in all desired areas. Another subsection of products gives its user command of the color of their hair. While traditional dyes have taken time and effort, the new Antibus shampoo goes in during a shower, and is complete by the time you get out to dry. Other products can shorten, and even restyle, your haircut at will through static charges and texturizing gels. Antubian, Inc. has had a colorful past. It began as a scrap metal broker before becoming an entertainment company. It then abruptly transitioned into a pulp fiction publisher, spent a brief amount of time as a ‘supernatural threat eradicator”—where it was tried in court for fraud, until finally landing in the car restoration industry. It has spent the last seven years restoring antique and classic vehicles up to working condition, with as much retention of the original operating functions as possible. It has only been in the hair business for the last seven months, but has already come up with an impressive array of products. Whether any one of these products actually works is something that still needs confirmation from our field reporters. As mercurial as founder and Chief Vision Officer, Lovro Antubi has been known to be, his ventures have proven to be largely legitimate. There is even evidence that his supernatural phase may have shown some level of merit. As time goes on, Antubi tends to move on from one project in favor of another. Instead of selling, or even spinning off each company to start another, he simply sells the patents and intellectual property themselves, and begins to focus on something new. Join us next week when our field testers release their analyses and reviews of the new Antubian haircare line.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Microstory 582: Artificial Gestation Perfected

For years now, people have been able to conceive children together with a surrogate mother. There are many reasons for surrogacy: same-sex relationship, infertility, or hereditary diseases that they wish to not pass on. One limitation to this, however, was that it always required a woman to carry the child. There is no more hospitable an environment for a developing offspring than that of a female’s womb. In it, the child will find everything it needs to survive the first eight months of its life, and it has historically been the only place available. Until now. Though most would take little issue in using surrogate gestation as a method, it is now possible to achieve the same results with only the two standard parents. Scientists from an extremely small startup in Carolina have recently perfected an artificial womb. Unlike other technological advancements, no version before this one was allowed to hit the market. Any failure could result in the death or permanent brain damage of a child, and so it has not been at all released until now. The team in charge had to prove with near 100% certainty that the womb would work before it can be used even once. Details are still scarce, but president and CEO of Huntington Beach Medical Technologies, Sheila Gonzales is expected to give a presentation on the womb in two weeks. For now, she had this to say, “that surrogacy has traditionally required a third party has not generally been seen as a problem. It was not necessarily something that needed to be solved. Still, Huntington is all about options. Whereas before you had no choice, now you do. You can choose to use the artificial womb...or you can choose not to.” Preordering for the product is planned for one month from now, with orders going out to the first customers in under one year, depending on demand.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Microstory 581: World Leaders Debate Universal Identity

Every sovereign nation in the world has some way to manage and track their citizenry. In the past, we’ve used ledgers, and other analog means, but now all of this information is kept in a central location. Some nations even share this information amongst each other, for ease of transportation. Others, however, do not. Travel between two countries can become problematic depending on the relationship between those two countries. Who hasn’t experienced a delay at the airport due to customs procedures. And it can get even more complicated if the traveler in question needs to first stop in a third country. One young man born and bred in Bellevue, Kansas believes that he has the solution to this problem, but it’s going to require a lot of cooperation between a lot of countries. “The variables are nearly incalculable for an endeavor like this. There are so many moving parts that no one person could accomplish this, which is why I need so much help. Unicards (working name) can help increase the efficiency of every nation, but it works best if everyone accepts it,” says Ikodo Murdoch, inventor of the new technology. Unicards would be a singular form of universal identity, with room for no competitor. Murdoch envisions a world where literally every person on the planet either carries one of these, or agrees on a subcutaneous implant. It would be used for identity verification, seamless purchasing transactions, and perhaps even tax purposes. Instead of carrying around credit cards, cash, and passports, one would need only this one thing. Murdoch believes that this would make everyday life much easier. Instead of worrying about having enough money, or whether a particular location accepts particular kind of card, everything would just be in one place. World leaders from seventy-three countries are currently debating such a program. Murdoch acknowledges that if only a fraction of countries agree to use the unicards, it might be worth it, but still hopes for growth beyond this. “It’s not an all or nothing thing,” Murdoch says, “but the technology serves the populace better if there’s only one. Now it doesn’t have to be my unicards, it could be something else. But I truly feel that this is the future. We must become one peoples...of one world. Most of our issues can be ultimately traced back to our own fragmentation.” The seventy-three countries that belong to the Wesmandian Alliance will be assembling in Iceland for the annual Northery Summit. The question of universal identity, in whatever form, is expected to be the primary topic of discussion.