There’s not much to say about my life, so I’ll just tell you about my death,
with a little bit of background. My father once told me that I had an
adventurous spirit. I liked to learn about other places, and read about
people’s harrowing ordeals. I didn’t actually do anything, though. I kept
thinking that I would grow up to be a boat captain, or a pilot, or I
dunno...just something that would show me the world. I was always watching
Indiana Jones movies, so I thought becoming a college professor would help
me. I ended up at the community college five miles from my childhood home,
and I rarely stepped beyond my comfort zone. I was certainly not having any
adventures. I woke up one day—it wasn’t a random day, but a few weeks before
my birthday, which is around the time I start planning my party, which fewer
and fewer attend each year. I was about to turn forty, and I had nothing to
show for it. That was not acceptable. I had always considered that to be the
age when you start getting old. It’s at the top of the hill. You spend half
your life climbing up to it, and the other half falling down from it.
Obviously I could make new memories in the second half, but I knew it would
haunt me if I couldn’t say I did anything by then. I had to start before. I
had to start now. I didn’t have any money, or more than a few vacation days
saved up, but that was okay, because I was too scared to go too crazy
anyway. There was a lake twenty miles out of town that I figured would be
the perfect place for me to literally test the waters. If I could survive a
baby adventure there, then I would know I was ready for something more, and
then maybe more after that. I was never gonna end up in space, but I thought
I would go further than this.
As someone who was so inexperienced, I didn’t know how to prepare. Was I
going camping? Hiking? Water skiing? No, not water skiing, that’s insane.
And no hiking either, I don’t like to walk. How about I just rent a little
row boat, and go out onto the water? Yeah, the weather wasn’t too bad that
day, so it should have been calm. I assumed that was what the weather report
meant. Little wind, little waves. Anyway, twenty-five miles an hour sounded
like a low number to me. I still didn’t know what to buy, so I just went to
the watersports section of the sporting goods store, and pretty much grabbed
one of everything. I knew I wouldn’t need a water trampoline, or a giant
canoe, but every small thing seemed like a good idea, because it’s better to
be safe than sorry. I gathered everything up, and drove to the lake, where
there was indeed a little place to rent rowboats. God, I wish there hadn’t
been. I wish it was out of season, or the guy had warned me that the weather
was worse than I realized. I don’t know how the boat sank, or why it waited
until I was in the middle of the water, but screaming for help did me no
good. No one was around to hear, especially since that motorboat was being
so loud. A life vest. That was the one thing I forgot to pack. I felt like
such an idiot, loading up all this unnecessary gear, but leaving out the one
thing that could save my life. I wouldn’t have needed it to keep from
drowning, though. That’s not how I died. I didn’t stick around the boat,
assuming it was best to swim towards the shore. That turned out to be my
downfall. Had I stayed with all that floating crap, the motorboat people
might have been able to spot me. Instead, breaststroking my way through the
wavy waters, under the darkening sky, in my grayish sort of lake
water-colored swimsuit, was the last mistake I made before the propellers
came over to say hello.
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