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Leonard and I had another meeting with the jail warden. He’s not mad, but I
think I needed some time to collect my thoughts about what he proposed in the
first place. That’s why I’m a writer, and not an improv comedian. We discussed
options further, and there’s actually a chance that I could stop having to go
to jail altogether. There is precedent for this sort of thing. A few cops who
were convicted of various crimes throughout history have gone back into the
field during emergencies, and earned their freedom by proving themselves
redeemed. In one case, a really dangerous convict broke out of prison, forcing
his not-so-bad cellmate to tag along. The latter ended up not only bringing
his cellmate down, but also stopped his associates from committing a
horrendous crime while he was still on the other side of the walls. So he was
set free too. If I went the same route, it would be nothing as glamorous or
intense as that. I would just start working for the jail, trying to help them
better sort and schedule the guests. I would love the chance to have my
sentence commuted, but I’m still not confident that I’m up for the job. I
suppose I always thought of myself as someone who wasn’t necessarily talented
at anything, but maybe good at finding talented people elsewhere? I could
probably come up with a list of desirable positions, and then figure out how
to seek out professionals who sufficiently fit the criteria. My dad was in
human resources, so while he didn’t exactly ever sit me down, and teach me the
ropes, I did pick up a few skills from him. I’ve also had tons of my own job
interviews, so I know which questions are too dumb to be asked, like what kind
of animal you would be, or what your greatest weakness is. Ugh, that’s such a
terrible one. Nobody has a good answer to that, and even if they do, what
qualifies you to analyze it to determine some sort of insight into that
person’s fitness for the job? I’m getting off track, but none of this is
probably going to happen anyway. Remember that business partnership I was
working on that went up in spectacular flames? I don’t see things going that
sour for this situation, but I doubt the jail that keeps me locked up every
weekend is going to turn around and hire me before I’ve completed my
sentence. I can’t imagine they would do it even if I had served my time
in its entirety. I will admit, though, it’s kind of nice that they’re even
entertaining the possibility. I had never, ever, ever been recruited before
until I came to this planet, and now it might happen twice? That’s insane. A
con can dream, can’t he?
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