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Funny story. Obviously, before you meet the President, the Diplomatic
Protection Authority has to run a thorough background check on you. You have
heard of everyone that I know. I’ve mentioned literally everyone I’ve ever met
here beyond random customers and clients. I don’t have a past from before the
beginning of this year, and the DPA doesn’t know what to do with that. I think
they still don’t believe me, which is understandable, but I don’t know what to
tell ya. I can’t conjure a family out of nowhere, and no matter how deep you
dig, you’re not gonna find them, because you’re looking in the wrong world.
I’m guessing that there are two camps; one which wants to believe me, and one
which thinks that this is all part of an extremely intricate coverup to hide
the fact that I’m some kind of international assassin. That would be one hell
of a long con. Could you imagine, doing everything I’ve done for a year just
on the off-chance that the leader of the free world would eventually want to
meet me? I gave myself an incurable disease, managed to cure it in a matter of
moments anyway, and everyone who saw it happen is somehow loyal to me, or has
been paid off. That’s more bonkers than the truth. I didn’t ask for this
meeting. I didn’t see it coming. So if you want to cancel on me, that’s fine.
I have no strong feelings about it. As I’ve said, I just got here, so I’m not
all that familiar with your history, or your politics. I don’t even know
whether I would have voted for her if I had been born on this planet. One
major difference between my world and yours is that it’s okay to be
apolitical, because you’re not deciding between a decent human being, and one
of the worst monsters ever created. Trust me, I know that I call you boring,
but this is far better. The administration I left behind in 2018 was no bueno.
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