Microstory 1085: Buster

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Viola Woods was my girlfriend for a time. Now that we’ve learned so much about what she really was, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I know she can manipulate time in some way, or perhaps the perception of it, but it still seems like she wasted so much of it on me. I mean, I’m a decent human being, but I’m no prize. My mother says I am, but the truth is that I’m unremarkably average. She couldn’t have been dating me as some kind of project, so she could fix me. She also couldn’t have been dating me so we would be a status couple. I get mostly Bs in school, I’m going to a respectable in-state college, and I know how to catch a ball. You know that, even though you haven’t quite released this interview series, people are already talking about its contents. I’m not so surprised about all the supernatural rumors going around, though I definitely didn’t know about them at the time. I keep racking my brain, trying to come up with some way that she changed my life. I asked her out the first time, and she accepted unenthusiastically. We never did anything, if that’s a question you were dying to ask. She implied that she was asexual, but I don’t actually know if that’s true. We broke up, I think now because she realized she couldn’t be totally honest with me. I was okay; not devastated. It didn’t make me stronger, or give me new perspective. It didn’t inspire me to turn my life around, or find my passion. All in all, I believe she had relatively little impact on me. As egotistical as it sounds, I think I simply didn’t need her help. I suppose it was bound to happen, right? No one can get through life all on their own, but I’m not alone. I have a good support system from my family and friends. I was born into middle class privilege, on the good side of town, but I see what the world is really like outside my bubble. As powerful as she may have been, she wasn’t capable of saving every individual on the planet, so I’m just another one of those people who missed out on her personal attention. I’m nothing special, and I’m totally fine with that. She did a lot of good for a lot of people here, but I guess I’m just the exception to the rule.

Microstory 1013: Floyd

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No two people could be any more different than Viola Woods and I. Well, I guess on a personal level, we probably had a lot in common. After all, we grew up in the same town, and knew all the same people. But she was rich and loved, and I’m lower middle class, and invisible. I’m surprised I’m even on your list. I’ve never shown up for picture day, I don’t have any friends, and teachers often forget to call my name when they’re taking attendance. I have a pretty decent group of friends in online chatrooms, but I don’t really connect with people in real life. I have a lot of anxiety, and not the kind that everyone is diagnosed with so they can get prescription marijuana. I’m the real deal. I was nervous and depressed before it was cool. My perspective is quite different than what you’ll find in the rest of this school, so if you want to get an honest idea of who Viola Woods was, you’ve come to the right place. You see, I identify as asexual, which means I don’t experience sexual attraction towards others. I have an idea of what sexuality is, and it’s not that I don’t feel anything, but it’s not anywhere near what other people feel. Most people probably think that the brain is pretty basic. Your eyes see things around it, determine what they are, and draw conclusions. Your memories are stored in a single place, and your motor skills in another. But it’s far more complicated than that, and there are a lot of oddly specific functions that can be either enhanced or impeded, depending on an individual’s neurochemistry. My therapist thinks it’s possible that I would enjoy sex if I were to experience it personally. But my parents are extremely strict and religious, so there wouldn’t be a lot of opportunity for me to...uh, explore. I’ve also never really tried very hard to steal magazines from Lulu’s gas station, like the other boys, so there’s that.

The reason I may not exactly be totally asexual is because I have a severe case of something call prosopagnosia. The part of my brain that’s meant to interpret faces, and only faces, does not work properly. The better I know a person, the more likely I am to recognize them, but I couldn’t point out my own mother if she dressed like a goth at a football game. I know the people around me based on voices, and context clues. I can tell you that someone has two eyes, two ears, a nose, and a mouth. And I can tell that they’re supposed to be unique, but they don’t appear unique to me. So that’s what it really comes down to. I’m not attracted to people, because they just all look the same to me. An interesting side effect to this is that I have a pretty objective view of others. You would be surprised how much a person’s looks impacts other people’s thoughts on them. The truth is that Viola Woods was a good person. She was nice and caring to others, and she would likely have led a full and happy life. She was also flawed, a bit self-involved, and painfully normal. She was just like everyone else. Yeah, we’re all special in our own way, I get it. But there was nothing particularly astonishing about this one girl. You’re going to hear a lot of opinions about her over the course of your investigation, Alma. I just want you remember as it’s happening that all of these people are talking to you after her death occurred, and that death is going to have an effect on their words. No one is going to be totally honest with you, and no one is going to say anything they would have said if she were still alive, and this was just some random profile piece. If, when you’re done, you want a little extra perspective for those interviews, you may contact me again. I’m happy to help.

Microstory 544: Attack on Asexual Headquarters; Amadesins Take Credit

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Few things in this world are more complicated than the religious order for Amadesis. This religion is so old that historians are not in agreement as to how it even began. Head Professor of Religious Studies at Langford University in Alberta, Nessa Shannon had this to say about it in her most recent novel: “Amadesis is not a set of ideals. It is not a cult, yet it is not a true religion. It is a vague affiliation of nonconformists whose only commonality is that they hate everyone else. It is an infection; one that can contaminate only individuals born into it, or those otherwise conditioned to believe that they are powerless to stop it.” She goes on to say that Amadesis would not function in a world without opposing systems. It thrives not only on the friction it causes against the outside world, but amongst its own sister sects. Basically the idea is that if everyone believed what any one sect believed, it would fall apart, because there would be no one left for them to fight. And so all sects of Amadesis fight each other, each one hoping to gain dominance over the others, and possibly later over the world. This is happening constantly. The duration of any one sect’s hold on power varies from a couple weeks to several decades.

Few things in this world are more complicated than sexuality. It is common knowledge that sexuality is fluid, and that no two individuals are truly alike. We all have our different tastes; be that as noticeable as a partner’s apparent sex, or as minor as eye color. Preference cannot be quantified, or categorized. Early psychologists attempted to place individuals on some sort of sexual spectrum, but this proved to be difficult. There was no way to account for seemingly inconsequential priorities. Famous author, Collin Angler was once quoted as saying, “I’m very picky when it comes to the men I’m attracted to. Medium build, no body hair, clear skin. I’m not as picky when it comes to women. I have no interest in forming deep bonds with men, and I’m less interested in sexual relationships with women. Where on the spectrum do I fall? Labeling me as bisexual does me no justice.” Still, words are a necessary product of communication. We use words to convey ideas, because demonstrating an idea using abstract wordless concepts is logistically impractical for everyday life. So we do the best we can to come up with the most useful words possible. One of these words is asexual.

Asexuals are defined as individuals who possess little to no sexual drive. As you can see by this definition, it typifies a wide array of conflicting personalities, and to understand any one person who identifies as asexual, one would need information beyond this one word. Despite this, an institution exists in order to positively promote the asexual paradigm as a whole. The Asexual Awareness Project is a relatively new organization led by similar people who wish to be heard. Historically, asexuals have had little voice in their community. They are easily dismissed as apathetic, self-involved, or even sociopathic. Unfortunately, the sad truth is that the only thing Amadesins and everyone else can agree on is that they dislike asexuality. Most people have reported feeling no hatred towards asexuals, but they do test at a significant level of ignorance. It is Amadesis who can be violent about it.

Yesterday, the AAP headquarters was attacked. Authorities are still investigating, and details are scarce. But we do know that a series of bombs were placed at strategic locations of the building. The explosion of one bomb would send workers, volunteers, sanctuary-seekers, family members, and visitors towards a second bomb. Once that next bomb went off, they would try to escape again, only to be met with yet another. Two deaths have been reported, with dozens of others injured. As mentioned before, only one sect of Amadesis is in power at any one time, but this changes hands frequently. There are certain sects, however, that remain on the fringe, even from the perspective of other Amadesins. A sect will tend to focus on one particular issue, and the Order of Girard has evidently chosen asexuality as its primary target. They have not yet issued a complete statement, but have taken credit for the attack, claiming that “[they did] not intend to permanently harm anyone in the building, but instead wanted to point out society’s preexisting indifference to the asexual’s ‘plight’ [sic].” Political experts believe this to mean that the outrage found from other terrorist attacks—such as the Spiralshell City Massacre, or the very recent Kalian Train Derailment—will always be considered by the public to be more tragic than one against asexuals. Only time will tell if they are right. Investigators have yet to confirm any members of the Order of Girard as suspects.

Microstory 364: Basic Romantic Involvement

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Sexual Propagation

Not everyone who is alone is also lonely. Everyone requires different things out of life, and your drive towards human connection is not automatically universal. Hermits, as they are called, still depend on other people, just in indirect ways. Even if they live out in the wild, they weren’t always like that. But those are rare cases anyway. Even throughout the rest of the population, there are different types of relationships. There are as many kinds of people as there are people. Some are male, some female, some are somewhere in between, and some identify as genderless. There are even people out there who identify as asexual. As with anything, this is a gradient, but the basic idea is that they don’t experience the same kind of pleasure or satisfaction from sexual encounters. Some of these people are sociopaths, like the titular character from the series Dexter, but that’s not the only reason to reject societal traditions of sexual partnership. Once again, I believe I need to remind you that these “steps” I’ve laid out for you not only do not necessarily arrive in order, but also do not apply to everyone. Like asexuality, some people don’t enjoy or appreciate romantic relationships. They may remain alone, or they may lead sexually active single lives. Some people may even prefer the level of anonymity or detachment one might find in an association with a professional sex worker. Sidenote: I’ve not mentioned this in my nonfiction; prostitution should not be illegal. All of your reasonable objections to the sex industry don’t have to apply to it. You’re against violence, drug abuse, and kidnapping. So is everyone who doesn’t participate in those things. Anyway, the primary takeaway from this entry, and any other related essay, is how important it is to train yourself to avoid being judgmental. Just because someone doesn’t live the same way you do, doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Interracial marriages, okay. Open relationships, okay. Polyamory, okay. If you’re ever unsure whether a relationship is moral or not, just recall The Three C’s: consent, consent, consent. One, two, or more people are allowed to do what they please, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.

The Right to Not Be Raped

Microstory 275: Perspective Fifty

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Perspective Forty-Nine

I can tell that there is something wrong with my sister and her fiancé. She would kill me if she knew I was telling you this, but she is nearly completely disinterested in sex. She’s always been this way, and it’s always strained her relationships. She likes the company of others, but this causes problems, because people who would be all right with a sexless marriage are few and far between. I guess she needs to find one of her own kind. Me? I have the opposite problem. I’ve recently diagnosed myself with sex addiction, and it would be dangerous for me to date one of my kind. But I don’t want to be with an asexual either, or worse, alone. I just need to find a balance. Of course, I’ve been attending support group meetings. The problem there is that I have to go two towns over so that no one I know catches me there, but that means there are plenty of men and women with my same problem, literally ready and willing. Hooking up with them would be easy, with no strings attached, but it would be a cliché. I’ve done really well so far. Others in the group have approached me, unable to hold back their urges, but we get coffee and talk, and it makes us both feel better. People will say that this particular support group could never be effective, by its very nature, but it has helped me immensely. Everyone in the group comes from a different background, and so we spend a great deal of the time just learning about each other. In fact, it’s sometimes better to stay off the subject of sex. Part of the issue—well, I should say my issue, at least—is that I think about sex too much. These people’s stories are fascinating, and it feels good to sort of have this safe space to explain myself. My sister has her own sources of stress, and we don’t have the kind of relationship with our parents where we tell them everything. I would go to my friends with my truth, but I fear being judged by them. If there existed a way to tell someone my secret, and then go back in time to stop myself if they react poorly, I would be fine. Wouldn’t that be great. I actually tried that the other day without thinking. I was trying to hand a customer back his computer after fixing it when I dropped it on the floor. As a computer nerd, my immediate thought was to find the undo button. The guy asked me what I was looking for, and I was honest with him, so we had a good laugh, because he was apparently not worried about his ruined equipment. He gave me his number, but I don’t know if I’m ready to use it.

Perspective Fifty-One

Microstory 274: Perspective Forty-Nine

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Perspective Forty-Eight

I’m going to leave my fiancé. I keep waiting for the right time, but of course, that does not exist. He’s been really stressed about his writing career, and his ridiculous rivalry with his brother, and so I keep putting it off. He’s not a bad guy. In fact, he’s probably the best I could get. But there is simply no way for this to work in the long run. As soon as I agreed to marry him, I knew that it was the wrong decision. But then things started happening so fast. He was discussing where we would live, who should officiate our wedding ceremony, what kind of flowers we both like. I know I’m a bad person. I know that I’m in the wrong here, and that I should have been honest with him from the beginning. He deserves better than me, and I’m not saying that just to remove the responsibility from myself so that I don’t have to answer for my actions. I was never a very good girlfriend to him, even during the good times. I didn’t cheat on him, so don’t go getting any ideas, but I was never as supportive as I know I should have been. I was really only ever pretending, and I feel like such a fraud for it. There’s a glaring obstacle keeping the two of us apart and its something that he doesn’t even know about. I am an asexual. This means that I do not feel sexual desire for anyone. Well, it’s not that I’m not sexual at all, but I have an extremely low sex drive. I’m just not interested in connecting with people that way. And so when my fiancé and I started moving in different directions, there was no way for me to get back to where we were. I stuck around, because I do have a drive to have children, but it isn’t fair for me to trap him in a one-sided relationship when a child is the only thing we have in common. I belong to a support group for asexuals online; anonymous, of course. They all say that I need to end it immediately, because waiting will only make things worse. I just hope he hasn’t bought that crib yet.

Perspective Fifty

Microstory 172: Cosmo Drexler

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Billions of years ago, a certain group of people living in the second galaxy became immortal. They were either made this way by taking a trip through a particularly special cube, or by a man whose form of immortality allowed him to make others immortal. There were different flavors of immortality, and not all of these involved literally living forever. Some were reincarnated with no memories of their past lives. Others had unstoppable bloodlines, each member of which was perfectly capable of death. One just keeps giving birth to herself, even to this day. But there was one woman whose flavor of immortality was referred to as Legacy. She died, at quite a young age actually, but her impact on the universe persisted. She had invented two games in her lifetime; the cerebral tabletop game Polygon, and the field sport, Vector. These games continued to be “invented” in every civilization thereafter, with no exception (except for one planet which fragmented the basic concepts into multiple games). Cosmo Drexler was an excellent Vector player, but this was due to his secret. He had a form of telekinesis that allowed him to manipulate the acceleration of already moving objects. He could stop a bullet, throw an object to an indefinite distance, or slow his own descent. He was both the best Wielder and best Shielder his school teams ever had, but this was not enough for his parents. The majority of people who did not belong to the evil religion Amadesis had extremely positive and supportive perspectives on human sexuality. But there were those who were so opposed to Amadesin concepts of complete heterosexuality, that they ended up on the other extreme. Cosmo was born asexual, and had no physical attraction to other individuals, and this was not acceptable to his parents. They abused him psychologically for years, and even began to harm him physically when he was older. Using money he earned from underground Polygon tournaments, he left home when he was 14 years old, and never returned. He had to give up his Vector career, which probably would have been spectacular, and instead worked his way through higher education. He had a passion for geography, but ended up earning physics degrees in order to better understand his own ability. He was in the same group as Freeman, Gus, Diane, Peyton, and Kiel, and became a very early member of Bellevue. His asexuality continued to cause minor tension between him and his friends, but he eventually found his family, and a position in Human Resources, onboarding new recruits.