Monday, March 9, 2020

Microstory 1316: Wags For Days

Local Anchor: That’s right, Co-anchor. Some of those dancers probably do have children of their own, who would enjoy it just as much. Well, it may not be as controversial as a park being built next to a strip club, but a new planned development in Twin Hillside has caused quite a stir. Local Reporter has more on the story.
Local Reporter: Thank you, Local Anchor. It’s called Wags for Days, and it’s a new pet care facility that does not yet exist, and if some of the neighbors have anything to say about it, it may never.
Local Anchor: Oh, that sounds interesting.
Local Reporter: Pet Expert was smiling on his way from the bank, where he managed to secure a big enough loan to found his own animal boarding-slash-groomer spot, but things quickly took a dark turn when he continued the process, and found himself butting heads with people he hoped would be his neighbors. They didn’t want him there, and at first, he didn’t understand why. For more, I’ve found a few residents who have a few things to say about Pet Expert, and his plans for Twin Hillside. Hello, and what’s your name?
Angry Resident: Hi. I’m Angry, and I’m angry. Pet Expert thinks he can come in here and ruin our quiet little neighborhood, but he doesn’t know who he’s messin’ with. We’re gonna fight back, and we’re gonna win.
Local Reporter: What exactly are you worried is going to happen if Pet Expert succeeds in his plans?
Angry Resident: He won’t! We’re gonna fight back!
Local Reporter: Right, but why are you fighting? What do you not like about Pet Expert’s plan?
Angry Resident: We’re upset about the noises.
Local Reporter: You mean you think the pets, particularly the dogs, will bark too much.
Angry Resident: Yeah, that’s it.
Local Reporter: Have you read Pet Expert’s proposal?
Angry Resident: Why would I do that? We’re gonna fight back!
Local Reporter: Yes, you’ve said that. What if I told you that Pet Expert’s development plan includes a soundproof simulated outdoor area where the dogs can do their business, and see the sun?
Angry Resident: Uh...what?
Local Reporter: The dogs won’t ever be outside. You shouldn’t be able to hear much barking.
Angry Resident: We still don’t want it, and we’re gon—
Local Reporter: Okay, thank you, Angry Resident. Let’s talk to someone else. What about you? Are you aware that you shouldn’t have to hear too much barking when this development goes up?
Annoying Resident: I don’t care about that. I got seven dogs myself, and my neighbor’s got pet squirrels, so my dogs don’t ever stop barking.
Nasty Resident: It’s true, it’s really annoying!
Annoying Resident: Shut up, Nasty! Your leaves fell on my lawn again!
Nasty Resident: I can’t control where the leaves fall! The wind takes ‘em!
Annoying Resident: Oh, you listen here, buddy!
Nasty Resident: Ya know, she only doesn’t want Wags for Days, because she’s trying to start her own doggy daycare place.
Annoying Resident: I’m not trying to start; it’s already started, I just can’t find any customers.
Nasty Resident: Gee, I can’t figure out why.
Local Reporter: And what about you, Nasty Resident? Why do you not want Wags for Days to be approved?
Nasty Resident: I ain’t got no problem with Wags for Days. I got a problem with Pet Expert.
Local Reporter: And why’s that?”
Nasty Resident: I heard he’s a homo.
Local Reporter: Okay, thank you, everybody. Please remember this is live. For ZZZZ News, this is Local Reporter, keeping you updated on everything you care about. Back to you, Local Anchor.
Local Anchor: Thank you, Local Reporter. Well, it may not be as divisive as a new pet care facility, but diners at a certain fast food restaurant are protesting its new menu, claiming its new Vietnamese owner might be feeding them dogs. In related news, I took a job in Kansas City.

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