Monday, March 23, 2020

Microstory 1326: Savage Vandal (Part 1)

Vandalism Witness: Am I in trouble?
New Detective: You’re not in trouble at all. I just want to ask you a few questions about something that happened two weeks ago.
Vandalism Witness: So, I’m a person of interest?
New Detective: You’re not anything. We think you know something about a vandalism case I’m working on.
Vandalism Witness: I didn’t vandal any car.
New Detective: I never said you did. But now that I think about it, you’re being a little evasive. Are you trying to hide something?
Vandalism Witness: You legally can’t ask me that.
New Detective: Yes, I can.
Vandalism Witness: Oh, well, then I plead the fifth.
New Detective: That’s for a courtroom setting. You’re not under oath, and you’re not under arrest. We’re just talking.
Vandalism Witness: Okay.
New Detective: What is your relationship with the victim, a Miss...Vandalism Victim?
Vandalism Witness: Wwwwwould we call her a victim?
New Detective: So, you know what happened to her car?
Vandalism Witness: Maybe I saw something, maybe I didn’t.
New Detective: This isn’t a cop show spinoff. This is real life. What do you know about what happened?
Vandalism Witness: It’s just some kids bein’ funny.
New Detective: Do these look funny to you? Racial slurs, scratched off paint, honey on the seats, sugar in the gas tank.
Vandalism Witness: I shouldn’t have said they were being funny. I mean they thought they were being funny.
New Detective: Do you know who it was?
Vandalism Witness: ...
New Detective: All right, that’s fine. I’ll just switch your file from witness to person of interest.
Vandalism Witness: Wait, no. God..damn. I’ll explain it to you, but you have to promise to keep me out of it. I didn’t do anything, but I’m close to the people who did, so I don’t wanna get rolled up along with everyone else.
New Detective: If you didn’t participate in the act, I’ll tell the D.A. you were a cooperative associate. That’s the best I can do. They won’t be happy you didn’t take the initiative to come to us with whatever information you’re about to give me. I’ll have to convince them to lay off.
Vandalism Witness: All right, well the car thing was retaliation.
New Detective: What could Miss Vandalism Victim have done to warrant such damage? This is the figure the car shop quoted her to fix the whole thing. Pending legal resolution, she’s probably going to total it, and buy a new one.
Vandalism Witness: Well, she killed someone’s cat. Is that motive enough?
New Detective: Um...well, yes. That’s a fairly believable motive. Did she have something against the cat, or the owner?
Vandalism Witness: Both. What was that word you just used, believable? I’m going to need some assurances, because when I explain to you exactly why Vandalism Victim was upset with that cat, you’re not going to believe it anymore.
New Detective: I better go speak with my captain.
Vandalism Witness: I would. You might also grab a trash can, because it’s probably gonna make you retch!

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