Microstory 1549: Cloze Final Exam

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Well, this was a weird microfiction series, wasn’t it? What I ended up doing was basically just writing general stories, and randomly omitting words once I was finished. There was nothing connecting the stories to each other, not even a theme, and there was no point to the omissions at all. I was clear in the beginning, however, that this was highly experimental, and that I didn’t know how it would go. I didn’t know how many I would do either, but I’ve come up with a better idea, and will be transitioning to that, starting tomorrow. I regret nothing from the Cloze Tests, though. It was kind of nice, just getting back to my roots. When I started this website, I didn’t know how it was going to go either. I knew I would be doing a continuous series on one day of the week, and a series of series on another day. I didn’t know, however, that I would end up coming up with microfiction series. Now I spend a great deal of time figuring out what those series could possibly be, and how they’ll work. Before that, I assumed each one would stand alone, and I would have to come up with a new story every time. That proved to be quite difficult. I’ve had so much more experience with longer form writing, that conceiving an entirely new idea, and having to end it so quickly was a skill I had to pick up along the way. I’m happy with what I’ve ended up doing, using quick installments to tell a larger story. There’s still a reason why they’re separate, and none of them is one unbroken tale that’s been arbitrarily divided, but I do love building worlds. I always have. That being said, the next series I do will not be about expanding my canon either. I won’t give too much away, because we’ll be explaining it tomorrow, but the headline is that I’m working with a writing partner for the first time ever. Well, there was that one microfiction story I wrote with my sister’s elementary school music class, but for the most part, it’s just been me. My new partner isn’t all that bright, but he tries hard, and never doesn’t produce. Thank you for reading up until now, and please continue to do so. For those of you wondering why I haven’t seemed to omit any words in this conclusive installment, you should know that there is no rule about how many blanks I’m meant to put in any story. There really only ever needs one for it to qualify. To that end, please prepare to read the upcoming brilliant narratives, as told by me, and my partner. He has a big secret about himself, which is that he’s actually a ________. Crazy, right?

Microstory 1548: Wrong-of-Way

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I’m not one for rules. I don’t care if you don’t pay your ________, or shoplift from a major store ________. You shouldn’t be able to hurt ________, but if you get in a fight, and you’re both on ________ footing, then whatever, right? There are certain ________, however, that you can’t ignore. Road rules. Most people seem to understand that traffic ________ are there to ensure everyone’s safety, but what they don’t under____ is that they’re also there to facilitate traffic. When you come to a four-way ________, we’ve decided that it’s first-come first-serve. That’s what makes the most sense, and if you tried to do it in ________, it would be crazy, and I don’t want to live in that ________. When you get there before me, please just go. You don’t even have to wait until I come to a complete ________. As soon as you’ve stopped for a reasonable amount of ________—which is measured in seconds—then just move on. Waving me through before you is ________ polite. It is not a nice ________ to do. It’s irritating, because it’s unexpected, and unconventional. Follow the ________. If you just went when it was your ________, you would be out of my way before I even needed to go anyway, so stop ____ting my time and patting yourself on the back like you’re some ________ of generous street hero. I’m ranting now, but the ________ is that the laws are there to get everyone to their destination as ________ as possible. They’re not pointless, and they are not random. They’re all ________ logical, so they shouldn’t be too hard to ________. This is unlike, say, learning another language, which will be made up of almost ________ arbitrary rules that could go either way. I say all this because I’ve always been a really ________ driver. I’m fast, yes. I speed, yes. But damn am I good, and I’m nothing if not the least intrusive fellow ________ ever. It may seem like I ________ you off, but I’ll go zero to forty-five in two ________ flat, and you won’t, so me being in front of you is no different from your perspective than me just not being there at all. I’ve never been in an ________, and I always stay out of people’s ________. Today is different. Today, I ________ up.

I always take the same route to ________, because it’s familiar, and I know all the tricks. I don’t just mean I know the ____est way there, and where the pot____ are. I also know what the traffic is going to ________. This changes throughout the week, throughout the ________, and throughout the year. I know when school’s on, and when it’s not. I know how ________ the other drivers are going to go, and when they’re going to slow ________. I drive in the ________ lane for most of the highway, but there’s this stretch of it where everyone slows ________, because a chain of cars comes in from the right, and they’re all delusional about how fast they actually are. I have to ________ over to the ________ lane to pass ________. Sometimes I even jog over to the exit lane, and quickly get ________ in, which I’m pretty ________ is illegal, but some ________ are only for ________ who can’t handle it. Anyway, I get off the ________ today, and there’s construction all over ________. I don’t know how all this sprung up overnight, but I think it’s fine, because I’m familiar enough with the ________ to find my way around it, even if it’s not the detour that the signs are claiming is ________. This is where ________ get interesting. I’m going down a ________ I’ve never been on before, and I see orange ________ up ahead, but not roadblocks, so I figure it must be ________. There’s a caravan of others behind me, because I guess they’ve ________ me as their leader. I make the slight ________, and head for the cones, but there’s a problem. I can’t tell which side is open for traffic, and which is for the construction ________. There’s a tiny little baby sign for babies, with an arrow pointing towards the ________, but I don’t see it in time, and end up on the left. No, this isn’t ________. This is the lane for oncoming ________. I thought they were supposed to be on the far side of the ________, but nope, they’re right here. And so am I. So are we. The cones are close together, but I should have just run one ________, because now we’re in between concrete ________, and there’s another caravan coming ________ us. We all stop. We can’t move. And more ________are coming.

Microstory 1547: Common Enemy

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Aliens are real, and I’m one of the few ________ who know about them. When they first ________ in our solar ________, they were ________ and quiet. Invisibility is impossible, but they can ________ themselves as space debris, and otherwise manipulate our ________ to prevent anyone from finding out about them. I run a conspiracy theory ________, and before you roll your ________, it’s not as bad as you think. I only spread the harmless theories. I don’t claim that the ________ is a lizard, or that black Jewish people are trying to take over ________, or what other nonsense ideas people have. I talk more about ghosts and burn victim-killing fairies and, of course, ________ visitors. I never believed any of this ________, but I found I can make a decent living pretending that I ________. I know, I know, you think I’m exploiting vulnerable ________, but they’re going to buy into this stuff whether I’m the ________ they’re buying from, or ________ else. So I might as well be the one to make ________. At least then, I can keep my prices ________. I broadcast a ____ly AM radio show, I sell the occasional tee-shirt, and I run ________ on my website. I’m not making ________ of dollars, but I do all right, and I still ________ coupons. Anyway, I’m certainly not the most famous ________ out there, but perhaps that’s what the aliens were ________ for. They may have even realized that I haven’t been entirely truthful about my ________, and that’s precisely why they chose me. Whatever the reason, after all their ________ into our species, they’ve decided they need ________ help to help everyone else. You see, they call themselves a steward race. They have taken it upon themselves to foster the ________ of younger civilizations. This ________ comes in many forms, but what they’ve found is that our ________ problems are our internal ________. We just keep ________ each other, for stupid things, like religion, and ________, and skin color.

Before we can be welcomed into the interstellar ________, we have to come together. We have to unite into one peoples, and sure, they could wait for us to do that on our ________, but they think there’s a ________ way. The only way to create an ally, they’ve learned, is to first have an ________. Individuals can become friends, but on grander ________, people don’t unify unless it’s necessary to fight some other ________. Now, this might not necessarily be an actual enemy that you can literally ________ against. We’ve teamed up to battle hunger, depression, homelessness, drugs, terrorism and fascism. It’s a lot more compli____ than two sides at war. People just need to have something to fix if they’re going to bother working with ________. The issue with this ________ is that not everyone is as concerned with any given ________ as others. Racists will never become not racist in order to end racism. I mean, some of them might turn, but it will still be a ________. Some people don’t care about ________ because they’re not poor, so why should they worry about others? No, a real enemy to go up against is the only way the stewards are going to ________ effectively. They have to purport themselves as a threatening ________, so humans can rise up against ________. Unfortunately, the stewards aren’t as ________ about that plan as me. It will take too many ________ that they don’t want to spend, so they’ve come up with an ________. Instead, they’ve chosen to release a deadly ________. It won’t wipe out the entire ________, which would defeat the purpose of this exercise, but it will kill thousands—millions if we don’t start getting our ________ together. They’re calling it the corona____. I don’t know why they wasted their time talking to me about it. I can’t ________ them, and I didn’t help them, I swear. This is not a theory, it’s real this time.

Microstory 1546: Waiting

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I have been ________ in this waiting room for an ________. I don’t have anything else to do ________, but that doesn’t mean I want to ________ it here. I’m not usually that kind of ________ who will get up and demand to be ________, but this is getting ridiculous. Most of the ________ were here before me, but they don’t seem fazed. They just keep ________ backwards through their magazines, and fidgeting with their ________ forms. Maybe I should get up, not just for me, but for ________ too. They haven’t called ________ back this whole ________, so something is holding the entire process up, and if no one ________ is going to try to find out what that is, I suppose it will have to be ________. I nonaggressively stand up from my ________, and walk over to the counter at a reasonable ________. I politely ask the ________ for an estimated wait ________. He just looks at me like he doesn’t speak ________. No, it’s more like he thinks I’m speaking a ________ language. He reaches over, and closes the ________, not aggressively either, but it’s still rude. It’s ________ enough to upset me, so I reach over ________, and just open it back up. He’s gone. It hasn’t even been one ________, there’s no way he could have gotten up, and walked ________. I have too wide of a view of his ________, and the hallway behind him. Plus, he has all these ________ piled up on the floor, it would have been too much to navigate. I ask if anyone else saw that as I’m turning ________, but they too are gone. The noises they were making—flipping through book ________, coughing, sipping ________—it lingers for a while, but dies ________, like they were able to disappear faster than the sound ________. I suppose that makes sense as ________ moves faster than sound. No, that doesn’t mean this makes any ________. They shouldn’t have ________ at all! What the heck is going on here? I turn back to the reception ________. The folders are still there, but they’re knocked over, and ________ dust. The ________ are out, and there’s a draft in here that wasn’t there before. I turn my ________ yet again. The paintings have fallen to the ________, and the wall____ is peeling. Chairs are turned ________, and a few are broken. I have either just ________ to the future, or ________ to some kind of eerie upside down silent ghost dimension. I have to find help, and ________. That’s what’s important right ________. I leave the waiting ________, and then exit the ________. The rest of the ________is as dreary and dead as it was ________, there’s probably nothing useful to ________. I have to try at least, though, so I keep ________. I start out by walking on the ________, but without any ________ around, I wonder why I’m wasting my time. The ________is less damaging to my ________ and knees. I wander down the ________, only headed in one particular ________, because the fading painted lines tell me so. I hear a rushing ________ around me, and then squealing. Then I hear some honking ________, and as the traffic is coming back into ________, a pair of ________ take me forcefully by the shoulders. “Let’s get you back to your ________. How do you keep escaping? I swear to ________, this time you literally disappeared before my eyes.”

Microstory 1545: First Breath

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I am a ________, and I know that prison is where I ________. I do not belong, however, in this ________ secret laboratory lair ________. Just because I was convicted of a ________, doesn’t mean I’ve given up my ________. I should still have to consent to scientific ________. I don’t know who these ________ are, or who they think they are, but I have to get the ________ out of here. They keep injecting me with this stuff, all over my ________. Every few ________ they roll me back to the ________ room so they can administer more drugs. They won’t tell me what’s in it, or what it’s meant to do. In fact, none of them ever ________ at all, I can’t be sure they know how. They all just ________ what they’re doing, and don’t have to say ________ to coordinate with each ________. They clearly have very strict protocols and procedures, which allows them to leave me ________ in the dark. They set me up with a pretty nice ________, I’ll give them that. It has a full-sized ________ with a comfortable mattress, and nice ________. It also has a very ________ shower. I have more space than two normal cells combined, and the best ________ I’ve ever eaten in my ________. These are red flags, though, and I can’t let them ________ me into thinking it’s a good thing I’m here. To test a drug on a ________, you have to jump through a lot of ________, and prove it’s at least ____ly safe to get approval. And when you do it, the ________ are volunteers who walk in the front ________ of a building that has windows. I may not know much, but I know that, and I know that this ________ right here is shady as shit. That’s the truth.

One day, the scientist-nurse ________ breaks all the protocols. He doesn’t ________ me down tight enough, he leaves the ________ before someone else comes in to watch ________, and it doesn’t sound like the ________ locked. This looks like a great ________ to escape, which is why I can’t. They’re testing ________, and because it’s starting ________ so easy, not to see how I ________ to get out, but how I sur____ once I’m ________. We’re probably ________ a volcano, or a ship. I’m staying right ________, thank you very much. Unfortunately, of ________, my plan doesn’t work. I’m going to leave this room whether I ________ to or not. They ________ up the heat as high as an oven. Who the hell designs an exam ________ to get this hot? I leave. I remove my restraints, open the ________, and leave. I don’t run, though, and I don’t sneak. I’m just trying to find my way back to my ________, or to someone of authority. The ________ are completely empty. The heat is following me down, though. What they really want is for me to ________ the building, so I’m forced to find the nearest door to the out____. It’s not just a door, but two doors with what looks like a ________ airlock in between. That cannot be good. The airlock is even ________ than the rest of the facility, though, so it’s not like I can put it off. The door to the outside doesn’t ________ until I close the inner door first. Yeah, I’m about to ________ out there, this much is obvious. I turn the wheel ________ with all my strength, and step out. The sun blinds me, and the air chokes me. I fall to my ________ and desperately search for my breath. It takes a few minutes, but it does return to me, and my ________ refocus. The sun is a lot redder than I remember it, and maybe closer? I turn my head and see another ________. It looks more familiar, but I know it’s not the same one. I must be on some alien ________, and I must be the first ________ to step foot on it without a suit. I run off towards the ________ before they can snatch me back up for more tests.

Microstory 1544: Communication Skills

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I was born with a ________ ability that, for some reason, people have ________ understanding. They think I can ________ with animals, but that doesn’t make much sense, because most animals have no ________ language, and the ones that do still can’t hold a ________ conversation. All I do is manipulate the ____’s emotions and demeanor. I can make it feel ________, or ________, or combative. Or I can do what I normally do, and just make it ________ safe and comfortable. Most of the time, it’s a temporary ________. I can prevent a rabid dog from ________ his neighbor’s young ________, or make a feral cat relax so the vet can ________ it. If I try hard enough, though, I can also tame an animal ____nently. I can ready a ________ horse for a saddle, or give zoo-goers the ability to ________ right up to a tiger, and pet it on the ________. I don’t generally do this sort of ________, however, because I kind of feel like it’s a violation. Sure, they’re not ________, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be respected, or to make ________ choices they feel are necessary. Who am I to control their ________? One thing you have to understand is that humans are ________ as well, and while commanding their ________ and behavior is much more difficult than it is for other ________, it is not im____. Obviously, it’s even ________ of a violation, however, so I’ve only ever done it ________. And that was just to ________ if I was capable of it. The subject consented to my ________, and I ________ him from any hold I had over him ________ afterwards. I possess no ambition to ________ any____, for any ________. I worked very hard to prevent ________ from knowing that my ________ could extend to humans, and while I was successful in that, I couldn’t stop a smart ________ from figuring it out on his own using ________ logic. Now I have the government breaking down my ________, trying to get me to ________ for them. I could help so many ________, they say, make the ________ a better place, they claim. I’m not interested, and I won’t do it, but these ________ are relentless. They leave a white van on my street permanently, and someone ________ on my door every day. I would change my ________ and move if I thought it would help, but they would find ________, and I wouldn’t be able to use my gift anymore either way. Today, I’ve had ________. They’re going to drive ________, and leave me alone, or they’re gonna get an earful. I powerwalk across my ________, and approach the ________. We get into a heated ________ which escalates by the minute. I’m yelling, I’m imagining the evil ________ yelling too, but they’re truthfully staying ________ calm. They still won’t let up, though, and I just can’t take it ________. I ________ at them to drive away, never return, and forget they ever knew I ________. To my ________, that’s exactly what they do. I watch my window for ________, but I never hear another ________ out of them. Perhaps I have underestimated the ________ of my abilities.

Microstory 1543: The Escape

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Since before I can ________, I have been obsessed with being ________, and being capable of ________ autonomy. I watch all the survivalist ________, multiple times each, and I love getting ________ for the apocalypse. Do I think the ________ will actually end? No, probably ________, but there’s a greater than ________ percent chance, so I would rather ________ how to get through it than be sorry. I’ve also considered what I would do to escape a bad ________ on a more personal ________. What if the ________ doesn’t end, but my world does? I have no intention of becoming a ________, but I can conceive of a ________ where I’m wrongfully accused, or I’m in the wrong ________ at the ________ time. I store tons of ________ and other resources in and around my ________, and of course, I have a tricked out bug-out ________, which I can take to an off-the-grid bug-out ________. But I did more than that, because I’m ________ I’ll get caught up in ________, and not have any way out. I built ________ tunnels. One leads from my ________ to the ________ about a ________ away, and the ________ is only half as long, but it goes from my ________, which is already ________ deeply in the ________. I realize that my ________ goal is to disappear, not just sur____. Over time, I decide it doesn’t ________ if I truly need to or not. That’s only the first ________, and I may not even need that one. The real ________ is whether I can become a ghost in a more general ________. I have to wipe ________ from the world, so that no one can track me, or ________ me. I’m obviously going to live in the ________, but not the ones near my places. No, I have to travel far, ________ away, and I have to do it on ________, so that people don’t see me. If even one eye lands on me as I’m making my way towards my new ________ life, it will be a total waste of ________, because that one person can identify me. Even if they don’t see my ________, the authorities will be able to work out that it’s me through deductive ____ning.

Stealth, initial resources, and full independence. Wherever I end up, I want to be as far from ________ as possible, and I don’t want to have to go into ________ for supplies. Everything I need should be at my campsite, and that ________ should be nearly impossible to detect, or stumble ________. I’ll live up in a ________ in a ghillie suit if that’s what I have to do. I spend ________ working on my plan, making sure every detail is ________, and there aren’t any ________. I sell all my property by the New ________, and start living minimalistically for the first ________ after that, so no one will be looking for my ________ return come next year. I want to stop being a real ________, and start being on my own, and taxes are the most ________ part of that process, but they are not impossible to avoid. I just can’t take in any income for the start of the ________, I can’t make any ________ but with cash, and I can’t be worrying about utilities, and the like. The day is finally here when it’s time to leave my ________ life behind, and become the new me. I break my outskirt campsite when the night is at its dark____, stuff everything into my ________, and head into the ________. This is amazing already. I keep my eye on the map, and away from roads, and even trails as much as ________. When I do have to walk close to inhabited ________, I do so only at ________, so no one can see me. It takes me six ________ to get all the way up to a random spot in ________, Canada, which is over four thousand ________ away. I have fresh ________, plenty of game, and a tent that’s rated for the coldest of cold. This is all I need, and I’m ________. For the first year, I’m still para____, though, that people have figured out where I ________. I’m still not certain I avoided any tax ________, so it’s pretty stressful throughout the next year too. But then I relax, and realize that nothing’s going to ________ to me. I don’t owe the world anything, and they have ________ about me. Then it hits me. They didn’t have to ________ about me, because before I left, I wasn’t anybody anyway. No one ________, and they don’t care now. I didn’t escape ________. I’m just as alone as I have always been.

Microstory 1542: Waterslide

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As a religious ________, I’ve heard all the ________ for what happens after you ________. Some say there’s a heaven and a ________, while others really just have a ________. Some have different ________ for different kinds of ________, and some think we’re all just ________ in together. Some believe our ________ survive, while our consciousnesses do not. Lots of people believe in some ________ of reincarnation, but none of them ever came close to the ________ about how that works. I can hardly ________ it myself, and a part of me still doesn’t, even though I’m looking at it right ________. It’s a series of waterslides, which you go ________ in order to reach your new ________. Really? Water____? I don’t know what to make of it. I’m watching all these ________ choose their paths, and they don’t seem to take any ________ with it, but I’m not quite that accepting. I have to find out just who the heck thought of this ________, and why. One of the people here in ________ of facilitating the ________ tries to be as helpful as ________. No one else is asking any ________, so she seems all right with ________ mine. The slides are complex, and there is no map. You choose the one you ________ to go down, but that does not lock you in to one path. You can ________ over to another slide if one happens to intersect with yours. You can even ________ off and land on an entirely separate one if it happens to be below ________. Where do these ________ end? Well, some will ________ you into another human ________, but others lead to an ________, or even an insect. Some of them exit right back ________ at the ________, so you can ________ again, and a few will ________ you into an ________ worker, like the ________ who’s explaining all this to ________.

The first thing I note after the explanation is that there doesn’t seem to be any way to figure out which ________ path to take. She notes that a ____slider will always have a choice to either ________ their destination, or go back up and try ________. That’s evidently why most ________ aren’t asking her questions. The majority of ________ have already been through many, many times, and they just keep not ________ satisfied with their ________. Not everyone even gets the chance to reincarnate at all. Only those with the potential to contribute more to the ________ are here. The rest are sent off ________ else, and she doesn’t know where, because she wasn’t here when the system was first ________. This means that she doesn’t ________ who came up with this, or what their reasoning was. Surely early ________ would have been confused by the ________, as waterslides would not have been ________ yet. I ask her if there are any other ________, not because I’m disinclined to do what everyone else ________, but because I want to know ________ about how this works. Sure, she says. I can take the stairs. No one has ever ________ before, even though it would result in getting to pick whatever reincarnation you ________, because it would take decades to get all the way ________, and be as tiring as tedious as it would be on ________. I smile at the ________, debating taking it, just to be different. Then I hop onto one of the ________, don’t bother trying to alter course, and accept my ________ once I’ve reached the bottom. I’m ________ as a pangolin in China, and things go downhill from there.

Microstory 1541: Dreaming of Days

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When I was in ________ grade, our ________ asked us to start ________ a dream journal. It was a simple enough ________. Some ________ had more trouble with it than others, because some ________ just don’t remember their ________ as well. I’ve never been one of those people. I remember my dreams vividly, though I wouldn’t call that a gift. They aren’t frightening most of the ________, but they are boring. It was during the other students’ ________ that I realized everyone else dreamed of ________ things, like a world in negative colors, or having ________ for feet, and ________ for hands. I just dream about ________; about regular daily life. I wake ________, drink some ________, go to work at a boring ________, come home, eat alone, and go back to ________. Or sometimes I come ________ to a family, or a ________, or a bird. It’s never the same ________, but it’s never exciting either. I’m not myself in my dreams, but ________ else, and I don’t even think the same someone else, because I keep taking ________ routes to different jobs. Fortunately, I wasn’t the first to do my ________, so this gave me enough time to fib. I made up ________ that were more fantastical and interesting, because no one wanted to hear the true ________ if they were going to be that sad and ________. After that, I moved on with my life, but I would continue this ________ of making up my dreams, instead of relating the real ones to ________. It’s not like the subject came up a lot, of course, but people did ________ ask me about them, and I got used to the lying. I got so ________ at it that when it came to figuring out what I wanted to do with my life, being a ________ writer made the most sense. Things were going ________, I wasn’t the most famous ________ in the ________, but I was making a ________ living sending short stories to various ________ magazines. I kind of made it my thing to claim that my work was inspired by my dreams. I don’t think there’s any legal issue with that. I hope not, at least. One ________, I even slipped in one of my real ________, just to see how it would be ________. It didn’t get great ________, but they actually weren’t that bad. There were just fewer of them this time, because fewer ________ were ________ in providing their ________. It was only an ex____, so that’s fine.

Anyway, my critics and ________ aren’t the only people who get a hold of this story. A ________ contacts me, demanding to know how long I’ve been ________ on him. I tell him I’m doing no such thing, that I don’t know who he is, but he’s not ________ it. He starts ________ my latest story, which...whatever, anyone can do that, but then he adds details that I never released to the public, because they’re even more ________ within the boring. He mentions the ________ of his briefcase, and the look of the novelty clock in the ________. This ________ was somehow in my dream, and I have to find out how the hell he did it. So against my better ________, I agree to meet him at his apartment two ________ over. It’s not just familiar, it’s exactly the same ________ I saw in my dream. He takes me back down____, and down the ________, and all the way to where he ________. I’ve seen it all before, this is from my dream. We continue on our ________ through town, trying to work out what’s going on together. I start to realize everything feels ________. All of my dreams, though no two are the same; they all apparently take ________ in this same town. I think at any ________ I will wake up, and this will also turn out to be a dream, but I never do. I go back ________ to consult my ________ journal, and I start mapping out the ________. Then I return to this town to meet other ________ whose lives I’ve borne witness to. They all exist, they’re all ________. Then we go deeper, and check the ________. I’m not just watching other people’s ________, but events that would not happen to them for another ________ days. I can see the ________, but only in this one town, and that’s what makes it the least impressive power I’ve ever heard of, because the more time I ________ here—as fascinating as the ________ itself is to investigate—the more bored I become.

Microstory 1540: First and Last Blood

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I have never been to the ________ before. Or should I say that I’ve never been to any sort of medical ________ for any reason. I haven’t even ever needed to go to the ________ nurse for a tummy ________. I’m twenty-five years ________, and I’m only now starting to realize how ________ that is. It’s not something most ________ are aware of; how often they don’t have ________ problems. I should have kept it to myself, but my old college ________ is in town, telling me about her recent ________ surgery, and it came up. Now she’s ________ by me. She tells me she’s seen this movie, and that I have super____. I’m supposed to start walking through ________, and lifting ________ above my ________. I don’t know about all that, but if it’s true, I don’t suppose it could ________ to let her cut my ________ real quick—or try to, anyway. If I’ve just been lucky all my ________, then the worst that can happen is I need to wrap the wound up in a ________. But if she’s right, who knows what will become of my ________? Maybe I should be a ____hero. I can’t believe I’ve never thought to ________ this before. We leave the ________, and head to my ________, because we don’t want anyone seeing us do it. She grows more excited the ________ we get, and she can barely contain herself by the ________ we reach my door. I roll my ________, and take a kitchen ________ out of the ________. I hand it to ________, and before I can lay down some ________ rules, she slides the ________ across my ________. It ________. I don’t know what I ________ was going to ________, but not this. This hurts. This is what ________ feels like? ________ feel this all the time? I have to say that I’m not a fan. She seems even more ________ than me, and that’s saying a lot, because this is my first ________ ever. I tell her it’s okay, that we can ________ it up, but she’s watching the ________ flow out of my ________, and she can’t handle it. She desperately tries to cover it up with a paper ________, but it soaks through, so she grabs another, and another. Then she uses a ________ towel, but it’s no good either. She calls ________ services, but I don’t think they’re going to make it here in time. I don’t know how much blood the human ________ is meant to hold, because of course, that’s not something I’ve ever considered before, but this looks about that amount. The ________ is drenched in a matter of minutes, as is much of my living room ________. She apologizes, and tells me she was ________ about everything. I still don’t understand what’s happening. Is this why I’ve never been ________ until now? Am I actually more susceptible to injury then other ________, and some unseen force has simply been protecting me this ________ time? I’ve never just not been hurt before, but I’ve never gotten close. I never fell off my ________, or ran into a ________ ________. This must be why. Something out there has been guid____ me through life just so this very thing wouldn’t happen, and now I’ve gone and ________ it. The last drop of blood leaks out of the unstoppable cut, and the world turns black.

Microstory 1539: The Case for Skipping College

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I did not like ________, so I’m not sure why I’m being asked to attend ________, let alone speak to my ________ class about some nonsense or ________. I wasn’t bullied, or ________, but I was always very ________. The subject ________ never mattered to me, and I barely ever tried. You can actually make pretty good ________ as a car ________. Some treat it as this really ____y job you have to get if you’re not ________, but that is not ________. First of all, you do ________ have to be educated; it’s just the kind you’re not going to get from ________ school. Sure, some ________ have special programs, but that takes up a lot of ________, and costs ________. It’s much easier to ________ by having a car—preferably a really old and beat up ________ that needs a lot of ________—and working on it on your ________. I could not convince my ________ to let me opt out of college, but I’m doing it ________, so they’ve pretty much disowned me. They’re only here ________ because they’re hoping ________ across this stage is somehow going to magically change my ________. It’s not. I’m not going to spend ________ years and thousands of ________on a waste of ________. It’s 20__, we don’t have to do this stuff anymore. Plenty of ________ don’t go to ________, and they lead very ________ lives. Not ________ can be the CEO of a multinational ________, and it’s foolish to dig yourself into a mountain of ________ just on the fraction of a ________ chance that it all comes ________ for you. I choose to be ____istic, and I won’t ________. Don’t worry, I’m not going to say any of this during my ________ speech. I just have to get it out so it doesn’t weigh on me. The ________ is that I don’t care about any of ________, or any of these ________, and nor do ________ care about ________. I was only asked to speak because I managed to ________ up the highest number of ________ service hours. I did it on my own, and didn’t tell my ________ in the hopes that she would have me recognized. I was just trying to explain why I never got into ________ or other after school ________, because I was too busy. I don’t know how to talk about ________, or the things that I ________. I was just trying to ________, and the way I see it, getting ________ for it publicly defeats a lot of the reason I do it. So, what do you ________? What should I tell these numbnuts that’s both what they want to ________, and what still lets me stay true to ________?

Microstory 1538: Lost at Sea

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I’m lost at ________, and I don’t know how I got ________. The last thing I ________, I was trying to wake ________, only able to catch ________ of a ceiling passing by. ________ must have been wheeling me down the ________ on a gurney. Before that, I was just ________ my own business at the ________ shop across the street from my ________ building. I don’t know if I was ________, or rescued, but whatever these people’s reasons, something seems to have gone ________. I saw fire on the ________, and dark shapes in the darkness. It was hard to tell where the ship ended, and the sky began, if it was a ________ I was seeing at all. I’m sure it was, but what do I ________? I’m dehydrated and starving, but at least I’m not ________, presumably because I slept pretty much all the ________ here. I look ________, and scan the horizon, hoping to catch ________ of land, or some other survivor, if only so we don’t have to ________ out here alone. Even if it’s one of my captors, it would be ________; they might be ________ to give me some answers. There is nothing, and no one. I mean, all I see is ________; not even one piece of debris. It all sank or ____ed away by the time the ________ came up. The ocean is so still, and so ________, I feel like I can see the curvature of ________. I lie ________ and watch the clouds go by ________, like ceiling tiles in a strange ________. I am acutely aware of the passage of ________. My ________ and hunger grow worse with each passing ________. An hour, another hour, two more. Several more after that, and then half a ________. The sun does not disappear. It does not even ________. It’s stuck in the ________ as much as I’m trapped on this ________. I think at any ________ that I should ________ up and discover this is nothing ________ than a ________, but that never happens. Perhaps a ____ulation? The ceiling ________ belonged to a virtual ________ company. Yeah, that must be the ________, right? I call out to the simulation ________, begging them to let me out. I don’t want to ________ anymore, or they’ve made their ________, or they’ve learned something about how people react to their ________. I don’t know, I’m just ________. Desperate for anything that ends this ________. My skin is ________ and peeling, and may even be bubbling. This all feels pretty ________ to me, and the virtual reality angle seems a little unlikely, even though being ________ abducted for no clear reason, and then ________ surviving a sinking ________, also seems unlikely. After another two ________ come and go, with no end to the sun’s harsh death rays, I start to ________ slipping off this ________, and letting the water fill my ________. I recall ________with similar premises. The hero always survives—or at least one of them does, if there’s ________ than one—and they move on with their ________. This is not a ________, and I am not a ________. I don’t die, though. The sun keeps ________ me, and I keep ________ here, and the ________ barely ever moves. After a few weeks of this, I realize that the reason I can’t ________ is because I already have. And I can’t ________ through the water either, because my ________ just won’t go that way. This is just my own ________ hell, and it will never end.

Microstory 1537: Grave Error

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I’ve always loved going to ________, and in fact ________ to when I’m feeling ________ from work. They make me ________ calm because of how remote they are. Even the ones they ________ inside the ________ seem distant from ________ else, as if crossing through that ________ puts me in a different ________ altogether. I suppose I could just go ________ through nature, like the ________, or ________ ________, because it’s not like I ________ this fascination with ________. Then again, maybe I do, because I do like ________ the names on the tomb____, and especially the ________. I like looking for the ________ grave in the ________, and the most ________ life spans. I guess I can’t say that I ________ it; more like it’s a compulsion. I want to ________ who the youngest person is in ________, and who the ________ is. I saw one a few ________ back where the ________ date was the same as the ________ date. What ________ there? I mean, I ________ what happened ________. But how did the ________ react, and what became of ________ afterwards? It ________ have been heart____, I don’t know what I would have done if I were a ________ of that ________. The oldest ________ I’ve ever found up until ________ was a hundred and ________ years old. I can’t ________ that either, seeing all your ________ ones die as you go ________. I did a ________ research into her and her ________. All five of her ________ passed before her, and all but ________ were pretty old at the time. No one would have scoffed at their ages, but she ________ outlived them, and that must have been pretty ________. Now I’ve found someone who appears to be so much ________ than that, and I don’t know if I can ________ it. This guy’s marker reads ________ 1812 to ________ 1979. That is a hundred and sixty-seven ________. I mean, come on. The marker itself looks ________, so I’m thinking it has to be some kind of prank. I lift up on it, as ________ as that sounds, because I figure if it’s ________, it won’t be stuck in the ________ very well. The marker does move, but not because it hasn’t been ________ for long, but because it’s some kind of switch. The ________ where the grave ought to be ________ over like a trap ________, revealing a ________. A small group of ________ are sitting around a ________. They look up at me, unsurprised by my arrival. “Welcome,” one of them says. Now that you’ve found this ________, you must join us. Or ________.”

Microstory 1536: Talking Animals

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This was probably the best ________ of my life, and that’s saying a ________, because I have had a lot of ________ great ________. My life is ________; I don’t let things get me ________, and I don’t suffer ________ who want to make me work too ________, or get ________. I was sitting on the ________ in my backyard when a little ________ came up to talk to ________. And I don’t mean that proverbially. He ________ started talking to me, as if we ________ the same language. It ________ English—in fact, I couldn’t tell ________ what it was—but it was absolutely a complex ________. I could make out separate words, and there were even a ________ cognates in there like ________, ________, and ________. Things seemed to be going ________. We were using ________ gestures to get our respective points ________, and picking up a few words here and ________, just based on ________ context. He appeared to be enjoying the ________. I was trying to hide how ________ I thought this was, for obvious reasons. I didn't know that ________ could talk, but I’ve always ____ed to * with ____s. I've been so ________ curious what they're ____ing about, how ________ they are, and most importantly, what they ________ of humans. I am no linguistic ________, but I did study it in ________, and this is a ________ opportunity. I try to work with ________, so we can have a better understanding of each ________, but I know I’m going to need some ________. I try to convey this to ________; that I’m going to need to contact a real ________ to help us, but he freaks ________. He starts ________ faster than he was before, and I stop being ________ to tell the separation between words or ideas. Then he ________ up to attack me, and I’m forced to ________ back. That’s why I’m here, doc. This isn’t just  any ol’ ________ that could be put down. You have to ________ him. He might be unique.

Microstory 1535: Unpopular Favorite Foods

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Anyone who knows me well enough knows that my favorite food is ________. It’s a very unpopular favorite food to have, and everyone I’ve told this to has been very grossed out about it. I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe my mother ate ________ a lot while I was in the womb, or gave it to me early on. Or maybe my subconsciousness is called back to a particularly happy time in my life when I just so happened to be eating ________. It’s not all that hard to find, but unlike really popular favorites, like ________, ________, or ________, they don’t make restaurants dedicated to  ________. Nor should they, it would be weird, and I would be the only customer, at least in the area. Some people might go there, just to give  ________ a try, but it would quickly go out of business. It did give me an idea, though, this weird love of mine. What if someone created a restaurant that was specifically designed to appeal to unusual tastes. I looked up online what foods people hate the most, thinking I had a pretty good idea what I would find there, like  ________,  ________, and  ________. I ended up being wrong about  ________, but not  ________ or  ________. There were a lot of things on there that I would never have thought. Apparently, people have extremely strong feelings about  ________ and  ________. They also dislike  ________ when mixed with  ________, though they seem to be okay with them as long as they’re kept separate. People even seem to really like ________ when it’s instead mixed with ________. I once watched a show where a character discovered he liked  ________ and ________, and the joke was that it was an odd pairing, but there have to be people out there who like it, just like him. There are, after all, seven and a half billion people, or so. So what if someone did that? Made a restaurant just for the weirdos like me? You wouldn’t have to eat anything you didn’t want, but you would be encouraged to try other people’s odd favorites. If you’re the one person who likes  ________, and you’re friend is the one who likes ________, you could switch, just for the meal. It might even make you more empathetic to that person, or in general, and that can’t be a bad thing. This is just an idea that’s rolling around in my brain. It might work better as a food truck, or a ghost kitchen, I don’t know. I know, as a loan officer, you’re expecting me to come in with a business plan, and a full list of terrible foods, like ________. I have some. You probably don’t even realize how many people dislike  ________, or how many people actually like  ________. But I already have a full time job, so I didn’t want to spend too much time on this if you think it’ll be a terrible idea. I just want you to tell me, in your professional opinion, if you think this is worth anyone’s trouble, including mine. Why don’t you start by telling me what your favorite food is, and what food you like that most people don’t?

Microstory 1534: Found and Lost

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I can never find anything in this ________ house. I swear, I’m not a ________, I just cannot get organized. I can spend ________ on the hunt for one ________ thing, and there have been some things that I still haven’t ________, even after years. I’m not talking about common ________, like my chapstick or wallet. I use those every day, and I always ________ them in the same ________. I’m talking about that little metal key thing you use to access the ________ card or external ________ on your phone. I only need it every two ________, and that’s plenty of time to forget where I placed it. And when I finally do ________ what I’m looking for, I always recall that I put it there for some ________ reason. Yeah, I thought I was pretty clever, ________ all the thumbtacks with the nails. But ________ go out in the garage, and ________ are an indoor ________ . The fact that they’re both ________ isn’t all that relevant. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been through this ________, flipping through my stack of tax forms and middle school report cards, or opening every ________ in my desk twice. You would think I would have the layout memorized by now, but I’m only ever looking for one thing, and even if I saw it the last time, when I was looking for something else, it’s not like I’ll remember. But I should, because I have to do it so ________. And what’s happened today doesn’t make any ________. This is what you might call a junk ________, but it’s actually pretty clean and ________. It’s the most organized area I have. There’s a divider for rubber ________, and one for ________, and another for ________. If I’m ever looking for ________, that’s one of the few things I actually can always find. It’s the first ________ I open when I’m looking for something that’s not normally in it, though.

Today, I can’t remember where I ________ my social security ________. I need it to apply to this airport thing, and apparently memorizing the number itself isn’t ________ enough. Which is dumb. What’s the difference between ________ the number, and showing a piece of ________ with the number on it? That’s all that’s on there. I could probably forge one myself, even though I’m no ________, nor exceptionally good at computers. Anyway, that’s not the point. There’s something in my organized ________ drawer that doesn’t belong. I have never seen it ________. It’s a golden flash drive that claims to have five petabytes stored on it. Like I said, I’m no computer ________, but even I know how insane that is. I look it up online; that’s five thousand times larger than the ____est flash drive the public has access to. Obviously I have to figure out what’s on it. Someone ________ into my house, didn’t take anything I can see, but left something that shouldn’t even ________. I’m not certain it ever could exist, even in the ________, not in something so small. I’m worried it’s a ________ that will destroy the ________, though, so I spend the next ________ looking for my old ________. I mean, this ________ is ancient. It still boots up, but the ________ I’m not using my ________ computer is because I don’t want there to be any ________ of connecting to the ________. This thing was manufactured before wireless ________ was even a thing, I think, probably. I stick the mysterious ________ ________ into the USB ________, and wait for it to ________. It begins to glow, and quickly becomes too hot to touch, so I can’t take it out, and shutting the ________ doesn’t matter, because it’s so old that it can’t detect whether it’s open or ________. The screen will stay on unless you turn it off ________, which isn’t working either. After a ________, I’m getting really worried, but before I can make another ________, two beams of light shoot out of the flash ________, and hit me right in the eyes. Now I’m ________ in a trance, unable to move a muscle. I can feel myself being ________ into the device, little by little. Then the darkness. I don’t know how long it takes me to ________ up again, but it takes me awhile to get my bearings. I realize that I’m in the computer, and I’m able to access everything still ________ on it, like the letter I wrote to the boy I had a crush on in ________ grade that I was always too scared to print off and ________ to him. I can’t actually do anything here, though, because like I said, this ________ is too old. Now I’m regretting it, because if I had an internet connection, I could have at least called for ________.

Microstory 1533: Forcing the Future

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To be honest, this ________ thing has made my daily life a lot ________ . Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s ________, and I want this to be fixed as soon as ________, but I also can’t hide from the ________ that I prefer this way of ________, on a personal ________. The thing is, there ________ need to be a ________ for me to ________ like this. I just need to get people on ________. I wasn’t surprised at how much ________ I could get done while staying at ________, or how much less work there actually is when I don’t have my ________ breathing down my ________. Virtual meetings, as long as you have a ________ internet ________, are just as good, if not ________ than regular old face-____-face. A lot of ________ don’t think so, but the structure really forces you to prioritize your words. It’s more ________ to get trapped in an off-____ conversation with each ________. My co-____s were always just hanging out in ________, and not in a way that let me ________ out either. We weren’t ________ with business yet, so we all had to _________ around anyway. It was so pointless, really, I ________ it. Meetings are better, but also the normal work that I do. I know, it’s not something I should be ________, but I like to stop and check social ________, and play ________, and watch ________, or maybe just ________ the birds outside my ________. And we’re all doing it, and it’s totally ________. The way I see it, as long as I’m being product____, what exactly is the problem? Nothing. There is no ________, except now there is. My company is thinking about ________ up a surveillance state. They’ll ________ my webcam, and listen to my ________’s microphone, and they’ll hire a ________ of temps to watch me for my full ________ hours. They want to make ________ that I’m not ____ing around, like I do. They think it’ll save them ________, because they’re a bunch of ________. They’re paying people to ________ all these feeds, so they’re actually losing ________. I don’t know for sure, but I’m also sure of it. There’s no ________ it’s cost effective, even though the ________ will probably be at minimum ________. Pay shouldn’t be based on the ________ of time you spend stressed and busy, but the amount of ________ productivity. How much benefit did I ________? Not how much time did I ________ on it? If you give me ________ hours of work every day, I’m going to do it in ________ hours. I’m getting the ________ done, and that should be enough for ________. I think I’m gonna ________. I don’t need this job, I can ________ from anywhere now.

Microstory 1532: Those Nightly Noises

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I’ve never felt safe in this ________, but there’s never been anything I could do about it. It’s rent-controlled, and I can’t ________ to live anywhere ________. Plus, I work right down____, and that’s a perk I never thought I would ________ so attached to. Though, maybe I ought to stop ________ of that as a perk, because I’m ________ with it as long as I’m stuck in this ________. My dad always said that a ________ job is one you can ________ before you find another one. I think he’s probably right about that, because if I ________ tomorrow, I wouldn’t last more than a ________, and then I would really be in trouble. There are a lot of noises in this ________ that I can only hear at ________ when I’m trying to ________. It doesn’t matter when I go to ________; they always start about two ________ later. I suppose that’s what makes it so ________, because it feels like someone is ________ for a cue. Shortly after I ________ here, I was so paranoid about that possibility that I ________ this place apart, looking for surveillance ________. I didn’t find ____ing, but I am not getting my deposit ________, that’s for ________. I didn’t ________ destroy the place, but I did cause a ________ bit of damage. I don’t regret it either. Just because I couldn’t ________ out where these creepy ________ were coming from, or why they were there, doesn’t mean I’m confident everything is ________. I wish I could ask my great ________ what’s going on, but the only reason I live here is because she ________, and passed it on to me. She always took ________ of me, knowing that I needed a lot more help than the rest of the ________ in this family. There’s a little bit of friction ________ us because of it, but most of them understand that I’m ________ a slacker, I’m just not ____ly skilled at anything. I do try, and I give it my ________, and I work ________, and I contribute to the ________ as I can. That just happens to not be very much.

Anyway, back to those nightly noises. I’ve tried getting ________ of bed to hunt for them, but it never works. As soon as I step ________ enough away from my bed, they stop. And they’re not coming from my bed, if that’s what you’re ____ing. For some reason, I end up ________ to one of my customers about it, and she suggests there’s some kind of pressure sensitive ________ under my bed, which would be in____, but an explanation of the timing nonetheless. I actually go out and spend ________ on a dummy filled with sand. The ________ tells me I won’t be able to return it, but assures me I’ll find ________ of uses for it over the years. I’m not so ________, but I feel like the decoy should look humanoid, and I’m feeling ________ at this point. I place it on the ________ on the far side of my bed, and go about my day. When it’s time for ________, I wait for the ________ to begin, then carefully pull the dummy up to the bed with ________. The noises stop for a ________, apparently wondering why the bed is so much ________ now, but I gracefully step off, and move away. The noises restart, apparently satisfied with my ________. I quietly leave the ________, and go off to look for the noises. The sound leads me all the way ________, to where I ________, and into my boss’ ________. He’s crouched on his ________ like an animal, staring at the upper corner, and kind of purring, but also making gurgling ________. He’s watching this weird hologram that’s ________ in the air. It’s showing an image of my bedroom, using a ________ I could not find, which is somehow pointing directly at ________ bed. It appears to be quite soothing for him. The ________ feed seems to activate when the bed is occupied, but I still have no ________ why, what my boss is, or what exactly he’s getting out of this. Tomorrow, I’ll ask a ________ to come over to be the ________, so I can ________ what happens to my animal boss when the bed is empty. I wish I had ________ of that before.

Microstory 1531: Trees

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I’ve always hated trees, but here I am, ________ through the ________, because my girlfriend wants me to get into better ________. Of course, she’s far too ________ to come with me, so I’m just doing it ________, which is ________ ridiculous. But I ________ her, so I’m doing it. Plus, I know that if I don’t, she will know it. She’ll pick up on my level of ________ when I get back, or my ________ rate, or something. I wouldn’t be able to ________ skip it and lie. She’s hyperobservant, bordering on the super____, so I’m not a hundred percent sure she’s even ________. Anyway, I keep ________, and the ____er I make it into the ________, the calmer I begin to ________. The noises of the ________ fade, and I find myself ________, which is how I always liked it before I met ________. Maybe ________ aren’t so bad after all. Maybe I’m just a ________ grump. Wouldn’t that be just ________? Finally, I come ________ this one tree that I can’t ________ past. I stare at it, then when I feel I’ve seen enough of it, I ________ a bit, and try to step ________, but it won’t ________ me. No, it doesn’t have some kind of magic____ hold on me, but I ________ look away. It’s not a particularly ________ tree. Sure, it’s different than all the ________ around ________, but if I were in a grove of this ________ of tree, it wouldn’t ________ out. I memorize every square ________ of this ________ as I’m staring, which means I could ________ when it transformed. I notice a dark ________ on the ________ that was definitely not there before, as if someone had ________ some ________ on it. It begins to ________ darker, but I can only see it out of the ________ of my eye. This ____al tree is forcing me to look at it at different ________, so I can’t watch whatever it’s ________ directly. The spot ________ full black, and spreads down towards the ________. Just when I ________ I may be able to ________ my eyes, the dark spot opens up like a ________ zipper, and a figure steps ________ of it. It’s my new ________. She tells me she’s a dryad, and that I’ve just ________ the first steps towards becoming like her. If she had ________ me this yesterday, I would have ________ to stifle nervous laughter, and then made my way ________ of there as ________ as ________. But after the walk I’ve just had, I feel like a ________ new ________, and being part tree ________ doesn’t sound like such a ________ idea anymore.

Microstory 1530: Cloze Tests Test

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This is going to be one of the most ________tal microfiction experiments I have ever done. They will all be cloze tests. What is a cloze ________? Well, you might have heard of Mad Libs before, and this is a similar situ____. For the former, a ________ is tasked with tasking their ________ with supplementing the missing words from a paragraph in a ________. Underneath each blank is a part of sp____ch, which prompts them to choose a word without having any context to the paragraph’s ultimate meaning. The ________ of the game is to come up with the craziest and ____iest story in the end. A cloze test, on the other ________, is not generally meant to be ________. You’ve probably done them in school, where you’ve ________ a film, or read a ________, and the teacher asks you to prove your comprehension without having to ________ an entire summary from scratch. My cloze “________” will be short fictional ____ies, with no particular theme, and no ________ way to connect them all together. The words I omit will be ____ly selected. If writing this ________ is any indication, then I will be ________ the blanks as I go along, rather than ________ the whole story, and cutting ________ out afterwards. I may do it differently to see how that ________. As you’ve seen, I occasion____ put part of the word, and have you ________ in a blank before or after it, with only a morpheme or two. I may even make it even wilder, and put blanks in very _nusu_l places, with single character blanks. Pay no attention to the length of the blank ________. It is of no indication ________ long the word you fill in should be, and will probably only ev____ be shortened when only part of a word is missing. I don’t want to tailor the length to any given ________ I have in mind, because I still ________ you to be able to come up with whatever narrative you feel makes the most sense—or the least sense, as it were. This might be one of the ____best things I’ve ever tried, and it might make me ________ like a ________in’ ________, but as I’ve ________ before, the point of this website is to experiment with nontraditional forms of wri__ing. That last blank was meant to be writhing, by the way. Hopefully this makes for an interesting read, and isn’t so distracting or vague that it means nothing. There’s little I can do to test it out myself, since I always do have a word in mind, and will always read it using those. If you don’t like it, then ____tive criticism is fine, but don’t go around calling me a ________ ________ ________ ________, or a ________ ________ ________ who can’t even ________ when ________ is on ________, you piece ________ ________, standing there with ________ and ________ ________ ________ shoelaces around your ________. Okay, maybe some of these will be a little funny.