Microstory 2573: Successful Panacea Test Subject

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This is a happy story, so don’t worry about it. Unlike most of the test subjects that my former company used to see if the panacea could cure a host of diseases all at once, I was a part of the system the whole time. I’m one of the researchers, and I volunteered myself for the experiment, because I was finally one hundred percent confident in its effectiveness. I helped develop it, so I watched the predictive estimate numbers go up and up and up. That doesn’t mean they were low before. I mean, we weren’t testing on live specimens when the model only showed 10% confidence. By the time I strapped into the chair, we were at 96%. I all but demanded that we do it outside the presence of Mr. Tipton, but they wouldn’t allow it, and I get it. Science isn’t always careful, but people should be. I didn’t need him, though. They injected me with a number of pathogens, which immediately started trying to destroy me. Then they gave me the cure. It worked nearly instantaneously. I felt better, I could breathe again, and my energy was restored. I even felt better than I ever had before. I admit, part of the reason I asked to do it was because I also wanted the money. If the panacea fails, but the subject lives, they get the money. If it fails, and the subject dies, their family is given the money instead. That only happened once, but we obviously don’t like to talk about it. If the procedure succeeds, in addition to the cure itself, you also get three million dollars. I left the program after that, because, well...I had three million dollars, so I’m not sure how many tests they ran afterwards, but I’m guessing they spent a couple hundred million dollars on successes alone. We didn’t have many failures, though, because we were so cautious. I loved my job, but I could see the writing on the wall. It wasn’t going to last forever, so I might as well cash out, and set myself up to be successful in a world that might not have such a great economy anymore. I don’t know if the panacea is going to cause the collapse of civilization, but I know that I’ll be all right either way. I’m buying gold, I’m buying land, I’m buying food. I never thought of myself as a survivalist, but it would be pretty foolish not to. I just wish I could have snagged a few boxes of the prototype cure to keep for myself in case it all does hit the fan. Nah, that would have been too selfish anyway. I’m sure it will all be fine. Let us rejoice! The first lot of the cure ships out next week. Thank you, Landis Tipton, for everything you’ve done for us. You’re done now. You can rest. And hey, if you like underground bunkers and MREs, maybe look me up. You don’t need all those consorts any more.

Microstory 2572: Unsuccessful Panacea Test Subject

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My story is a bad and scary one, so strap in. I have always been a perfectly healthy and fit young man. I work out every single day, I do resistance training, and I eat well. I was lucky enough to be born into a family that both valued health, and understood it. We knew that eating fat doesn’t inherently make you fat, before the word kind of spread about that misinformation. We know that carbs are good for you, if from the right sources (with fiber), and at the right ratios. I know, I’m bragging, but it’s relevant, because I am exactly the test subject that the researchers needed. They wanted someone who didn’t just not need to be cured, but very didn’t need it. For this to work, I had to start out as the perfect specimen. And for lack of a better term, they then...fucked me up. They gave me so many diseases, I can’t remember the number; let alone which ones they were. Not every disease is transmissible like that, but they did their best with what they had. It should have killed me, and nearly did. The lab was located in a building owned by the pharmaceutical company, but that’s not where they conducted this experiment. I was only there for my initial testing. The final phase took place at the hotel, because that’s where Landis is. That’s an important detail, don’t forget it. While they could easily move me anywhere without anyone noticing or caring, they couldn’t move Landis without it being a national news story. A couple of years ago, the man took a fifteen minute walk in the woods with his team, and it dominated the news cycle for 24 hours. So they took me to the hotel, and put me in a room that none of the staff ever went to. It was just me, Landis, my doctors, and his doctors. Not even his personal assistant was there with him, and she follows him around like a tail. I don’t think she knew about it.

Anyway, they sat me in a chair, and pumped me full of poison, at which point I started dying. After they were happy with how much time had passed, they injected me with a prototype of the panacea. It did not work. It may have made things worse. It’s hard to tell, because I was in the most pain I had ever felt in my life. That’s why Landis was there, because while they weren’t sure if the panacea would work, they were fairly confident that he could fix me. Even that wasn’t a guarantee, because no one in the world has ever been sick as much as I was. You can’t naturally get that many diseases, because the first few will probably kill you if it goes any further. But that’s what they wanted. They wanted to understand the scope. Had even Landis not been able to save me, my family would have received the money, but since he was there as a backup plan, I did end up with it. Do you wanna hear the number? It’s 28 million dollars. That’s how much they gave me because the panacea failed. How did they calculate that? I just found out recently, actually, I didn’t know before. I don’t understand it, but they took a number called the VSL, which basically calculates how much an anonymous person’s life is worth. Then they doubled it for good measure. So I’m a millionaire now. My assets are quickly dwindling as I’m giving away more than I’ve saved or invested, but I have more than enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life. The question that haunts me, though, is how many others went through the same thing...and were there any who even Landis couldn’t save?

Microstory 2571: Panacea Researcher

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We’ve done it! We’ve figured it out. After years of grueling research and testing, we have created the ultimate medication. The most difficult part of the process was determining its efficacy on just about every disease out there. This required a ton of samples, and a ton of test subjects. People aren’t aware of this, because our subjects, and their respective medical professionals, each signed an ironclad non-disclosure agreement. This means that Mr. Tipton technically cured even more people than their numbers appear. Here’s what we could have done, and it would have been easier. We could have focused our research on curing one disease at a time, and waited only for approval for that one disease. Then we could have done it for the next. “The FDA today announced its approval for the P-1 drug to be used for testicular cancer. Patients eagerly await the next announcement after this” or some crap like that. It took us five years to finish this out, because we wanted approval for everything all at once. They’ve done studies in psychology, and determined that it’s far easier to wait for something when you’re in a group of others waiting for the same thing. The greatest extension of this is if everyone in the entire world is in the same boat with you. If you keep seeing people get their cure while you’re still waiting, you’re gonna be miserable, and we don’t want that. It would probably worsen your condition overall, as mental wellness has an effect on physical health. Plus, the logistics are easier.

We can package the drug as a true panacea (with some caveats, mostly dealing with conditions of state) without having to direct customers to a giant list of diseases to see if theirs is on it. Oh. It’s on it. We also didn’t want to make a different inhaler for every case. That would have been ridiculous. And yes, it is an inhaler. We kind of always knew that. It isn’t random, there are actually a number of reasons for it. Number one is that anyone can learn how to operate an inhaler with minimal training. Eye drops are about as simple, but people’s reflexes kick in, and they blink. An injection? You can forget about it. Either we trust customers to handle their own needles, or they have to go in to a facility. My boss really wanted something that we could send directly to the end users. Someone suggested a jet injector, but that’s an unjustifiable additional expense for something that you shouldn’t need all the time. The panacea cures whatever you have when you take it, and inoculates you for about a week afterwards. Some people at this company—who I respectfully leave unnamed—wanted the drug to be very limited by dose, and very temporary, so you would have to keep buying more, and more, and more. Fortunately, it doesn’t work like that. It’s pretty much impossible to create a dosage system. You need a certain amount of the particulates for it to be effective, but beyond that, it really doesn’t matter how much of it you take. That’s another reason why inhalers are great, because they’re imprecise, which is okay, unlike other drugs, which require very specific amounts. We can make huge batches of micronized agent, and divide them into our inhalers, without all this extra work of pressing it into tabs, or something. So yeah, it’s ready. We just need to mass produce it. You’re almost home. You’re welcome.

Microstory 2570: Head of Pharmaceuticals

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People ask me why I’m doing it. Why would I invest hundreds of millions of dollars into developing a panacea when “there’s more money to be made in the treatment”? To be clear, that’s actually a low number for developing even a single drug, and that’s because we were coming at it with a huge advantage of having a source for the cure, instead of having to start from scratch. So that was one reason why we calculated that it was worth it. Number one after that is that my name will go down into the history books as the woman who provided the world with the greatest accomplishment humanity has ever achieved. Of course, Landis will be at the top of the list, but no one’s going to remember his nurse, or one of his patients. He cured millions. I’ll cure billions. And I’ll keep doing it over and over again. We’re not sure if this drug will grant virtual immortality, but honestly, I don’t see why not. And if it doesn’t, we’ll work on that too. And we’ll be able to do that, because at that point, we’ll be the only pharmaceutical company left in existence. The other ones, who only ever hoped to sell treatments, will become obsolete, almost literally overnight. Unless they diversified into selling diagnostic equipment—or, I don’t know, something unrelated, like microwaves—they’re destined to have a bad time. Their stock prices are already tanking in anticipation for an announcement that we’ve made a breakthrough. People are actually saving money that they would usually spend on medicine, because they think we’re preparing to send them a fix tomorrow. Well, I can’t condone such behavior. Time is a huge factor here. They’re close—my researchers are close—and I have been funneling a lot of the money dedicated to this endeavor into bolstering mass production, but we’re not there yet. My competitors want to get in on this, and we will agree to that, because it will help with rollout, but I have demands, and it all has to do with what I said; keeping my name at the top. I curated the relationship with the Foundation. I made Mr. Tipton promises. I’m in charge here, and if that slows down production, then so be it. People will wait for months, because some have been waiting their whole lives, and humanity has been waiting for thousands of years—at the risk of being too specific. Pharmaceutical companies are known for being greedy and uncaring, and I’m not going to sit here and try to tell you that it isn’t true. We charge too much for insulin. We make our customers jump through hoops. We didn’t make the industry the way it is today (not alone, anyway) but I admit some fault. So in the end, that’s why I’m doing this. My competitors’ reputations are set. Nothing can be done to show them in a better light, except maybe if they get in line, and help with production in the right way. But no one will remember what we used to be. Once the panacea comes out, with our label on every single inhaler, that’s what we’ll be known for. And the world will be grateful. For us.

Microstory 2568: Investigative Reporter

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I dedicated years of my life to a story that doesn’t exist. Prior to this, I’ve tried to make a name for myself by breaking stories, but I’ve usually failed. I guess I’m just no good at this. Okay, that was an exaggeration. I’ve exposed the truth on a number of events in my day, but maybe I’ve lost my edge. Maybe I was blind. I saw nefarious intentions behind the Landis Tipton Foundation because I figured there had to be one. No one is this nice. No one is this charitable. Normally, I face obstacles all the time, but there’s always something to find, and I always find it, even if it’s not as dramatic or salacious as I thought it would be. Basically, I always have a piece to write. It’s never won me a Renaldo Award, but it’s kept food on the table. I can’t believe how much time I wasted, trying to find fault in maybe the one guy in the world who is exactly what it says on his tin. I’ve given up, but not entirely. Now I’m focused on the pharmaceutical company that they’re working with. The deal reeks of something bad, and big pharma isn’t known for its charity. Why give the cure away for free when you can make bank on the treatment? No, there’s got to be something there. I may have lost the house, and the kids, but I’m going to get back on track. I’m going to prove that I still have what it takes to investigate and report. I focused too much on Landis, but there are other people involved, and I should have realized that before. I should have appreciated it. I just need to make some more connections, and I’ll have my answer. Who needs food anyway? It just slows me down.

Microstory 2564: Protester

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This is ridiculous. I can’t believe how small our movement is. It’s growing, but not nearly fast enough. Landis Tipton is not all that he’s made out to be. Sure, curing all disease sounds great, but there are major issues with it that not everyone can see. First of all, we have no idea what long-term health consequences there are from being healed. He could be giving everyone cancer. Cancer is when your cells multiply out of control, and even if you claim that he has control over the repairs while he’s breathing on them, what happens five years later, or ten, or thirty? We don’t know. They haven’t done nearly enough studies on the subject. He just bought a freaking hotel, and people just flocked there like he was a god. Some people actually believe he is a god, which is another issue, though we don’t argue that in our literature, or during our demonstrations, because it’s a sensitive subject. What’s not sensitive, and what every single person needs to understand, is that so much of our economy is centered around health and wellness. I know it sounds cold, but disease and deaths are necessities in life. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Medical professionals, food vendors, funeral homes, insurance companies, nutritionists and dieticians, fitness trainers, pharmaceutical companies. Hell, even personal injury law firms. There are so many others. They all rely on a world that isn’t perfect, and they do not exist in a vacuum. When you take all those things down, what happens to everything else? It doesn’t work. It falls apart. Again, I may sound callous to you, but you have to think about the ramifications of your actions. Landis, and this goddamn panacea they’re trying to make, is going to do more harm than good, and I firmly believe that. Now, if we had a universal basic income, and if we had more robust automation, I might think it’s okay. But we are woefully unprepared for what’s to come. We are not ready for the paradigm shifting changes that this drug will make. We’re holding it at bay, because Landis Tipton is only one man so his impact on these sectors is minimal. But if that’s about to change, we are royally, totally, and fundamentally screwed. I don’t think you can imagine what’s going to happen to the world. No one’s gonna be able to afford the panacea when they lose their jobs. “Oh, we’ll make it free.” I’ve heard no confirmation on that, and it introduces a plethora of other issues. It will be a logistical nightmare. This has to be stopped right now. We cannot let it move on. We can let Landis do his thing, but his work schedule has to be severely shrunk, and research on this miracle cure has to end immediately! People think I’m crazy, and an asshole, but honestly—and I don’t really like to say this—but I’m smarter than you. I’m telling you, bad things are going to come of this. It will not lead us to the paradise you’ve been sold. Sell it back, it’s not worth it. Please. Please!

Microstory 2555: Inhouse Lawyer

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Before I came here, I did not have any experience in healthcare law, or in nonprofit law. I applied to this job because I wanted some better work-life balance. My old firm was very demanding. It wasn’t arbitrary. We had a lot of big clients, who required constant aid, advice, and representation. The Foundation has had to overcome obstacles that no other organization ever has, and it’s my job to get them through it. The work they do here is unprecedented, and I know we all hear that a lot, but it’s absolutely true in this case. Pun intended. What Landis and the Director built here is nothing short of profoundly astonishing, and despite how massively popular it is among the general public, it also raised some eyebrows. Who are you? What led you to start something like this? What gives you the right? Why should your customers trust you? What do you mean some people don’t pay? What do you mean you pay some of them? How do we know it’s not a scam? Where’s your experience in healthcare? How do you find your customers? What are your criteria for accepting or rejecting an application? This is just a fraction of a fraction of the questions that I had to help the Foundation answer. It’s been the toughest challenge I’ve ever had, but it wasn’t stressful, because I believe in the cause. I’ve not always been able to say that about my clients, and my colleagues advise me not to feel that way, but come on, how can you not be a fan? I think, when you’re defending multiple clients, you can’t play favorites, but when it’s only the one, I don’t see any reason why I can’t see myself as just another important cog in the machine, rather than an outside associated party. Work has been steadily slowing down over the years. As we’ve become established, and the validity of the healings are hardly in question anymore, there aren’t so many more questions left. Mostly what we’re dealing with now is in regards to the panacea that the researchers are trying to synthesize from Mr. Tipton’s genes, or whatever it is that makes him work. I don’t represent the pharmaceutical company, but I did help broker the deal that led them to being the ones to advance this research, so we’re all obviously still involved. Everything will work out, though. If the panacea works, there is no way it doesn’t go through eventually. Don’t get me wrong, it’s more than just signing the right papers. Approval has been slow, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Very soon, you won’t have to leave your house to cure what ails you. I don’t know what will happen with the Foundation, or my job, but I can’t wait to find out.