Microstory 470: Floor 16 (Part 2)

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Writer: Windows. What are windows? Well, they’re like doors, but clear. Windows keep us safe, but they also give us access to the outside world. Windows show us endless possibilities. They protect us from an uncertain future, and lift us from blind Plato-cavers to brilliant scientists, reaching for the stars...literally. Elevators. Elevators too lift us. They magically transport us to new worlds. You step into an elevator in one place, and when you next step out, there is no telling what you’re going to find. Unlike windows, which are clear, elevators hide us from the truth. They keep us from knowing what’s going to happen next. They are a mystery. Unless you’re in a clear elevator, those are different. Atriums. I’m not entirely sure what atriums are. An atrium I’ve seen, but I’m not certain I understand what makes an atrium. They are wide open spaces within buildings. They provide an ironic source of warmth and comfort, even while maintaining a great distance between two points. They allow us to see across these great distances, though, to look beyond our own little bubbles, and to question our reality. And buildings. Buildings as a whole. Buildings can be tall, or they can be short. They can be used for math, or they can be used for sports. Some buildings are good, and some are bad. This building is falling apart, which is sad. Buildings hold everything together, and protect us from the cold harsh truth of reality outside across great distances that bring us down to lower levels. Buildings are important, but are they the most important?

Audience: I don’t understand what this is.

Writer: It’s my essay. On the state of affairs of our company. It’s a scathing inquiry into our situation in this lockdown.

Audience: I imagine you mean indictment, but either way, you say nothing about the lockdown, and that part where you talk about clear elevators really takes the reader out of the narrative. And this whole thing makes no sense, and serves no purpose.

Writer: Art always fills a purpose.

Audience: And you’re not even supposed to be here. You were fired last week.

Writer: That was meant to be permanent? I thought it was just a suspension.

Audience: You’re not a cop, or a student. Nor are you a writer. I want you back out of here as soon as this lockdown is lifted.

Writer: —

Audience: And if you say one thing about elevators or lifting, I swear to God...

Microstory 469: Floor 17 (Part 2)

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Engineer 1: What are you talking about? How did I have anything to do with the construction of the elevators.

Engineer 2: You were the lead engineer for this building project, which means you’re responsible for all construction aspects of it!

Engineer 1: First of all, that is not what that means! Where did you go to school? That’s not what my job entails! I’m not responsible for everything! Secondly, the elevators were created, and installed, by outside contractors, like they always are! And two, I don’t like your tone!

Engineer 2: I don’t like your tone!

Engineer 1: Screw you!

Engineer 2: Screw you!

Engineer 1: You were the head engineer, which means that it was your job to contract the elevator...uh, contractors! This is still your fault!

Engineer 2: It is absolutely not my fault! This was group project! Oh, you think I built this whole building myself? Yep, that’s what I did! Derpa deepity doody doo! I’m just gonna set this brick here, and lay some cement on top of it, and boom! A goddamn building is born! Isn’t she PRECIOUS!

Engineer 1: That’s not what I was saying!

Engineer 2: You’re an idiot is what you’re saying! Words come out, but all I hear is “blah, blah, blah, la, la, la, I’m an idiot! I got my degree from, like, Wyoming...or something!”

Engineer 1: Yeah, that sounds JUST like me, jackass!

Engineer 2: What did you call me?!

Engineer 1: I sorry. English not so good. Perhaps a better translation is the biggest douche in the universe!

Engineer 2: Oh, you’re one to talk!

Engineer 1: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Engineer 2: Just that maybe you could use a douche once in awhile!

Engineer 1: Oh my God, that is so sexist, and completely ignorant about the female body! I can’t believe you said that to me!

Engineer 2: I can’t believe you’re trying to blame me for an elevator crash! This is just like Tulsa Trip!

Engineer 1: That was a completely different situation! And I thought you didn’t want me to bring that up again, but here you are, trying to use it in an argument against me? As if.

Engineer 2: The 90s called, they don’t want their catchphrase back, because even they know how retarded you sound!

Engineer 1: What did I say about using that word!

Engineer 2: I have no idea! When you talk, I usually just tune out and hope you’ll eventually get bored, and WALK AWAY!

Engineer 1: Oh I’m walkin’ away!

Engineer 2: Good!

Engineer 1: Fine!

Engineer 2: Great!

Engineer 1: Perfect!

Engineer 2: Wouldn’t have it any other way!

Engineer 1: I’ll see you at home!

Engineer 2: I’m cooking chicken tetrazzini!

Microstory 468: Floor 18 (Part 2)

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Skeptic: Environmentalist, I just read this report, and I’m confused. I broke lockdown to come down here so you can explain it to me.

Environmentalist: Happy to help, though I’m not sure what the point would be. That’s an old report. The subject matter has long since past.

Skeptic: I’m not talking about how it pertains to the projects we were planning at the time. I’m concerned with the numbers in general. Are these right?

Environmentalist: I promise that all of the data and calculations have been checked, rechecked, verified, and confirmed. They are 100% accurate. I’ll bet my job on them.

Skeptic: You’re claiming that these new, more advanced, supposedly environmentally friendly materials and procedures would-slash-would have cost us less?

Environmentalist: In the long-run, yes. In the short-term, because of turnover, method reconditioning (a.k.a. backlash), and equipment replacement, it does look like it costs more.

Skeptic: You have here that the financial benefit could be realized in five years time.

Environmentalist: That’s a maximum expectation. Two years would be the minimum, and expected.

Skeptic: Why aren’t we doing these things?

Environmentalist: You would have to tell me.

Skeptic: You wrote the report, did everyone see it?

Environmentalist: I submitted it according to Analion protocol. I’m actually not personally cognizant of who is supposed to ultimately get their hands on my reports.

Skeptic: This is our problem, Environmentalist. No matter what issues a company has, they all come down to money. If everything was free, everything would be fine. We would have no reason to not make the changes you suggested.

Environmentalist: Well, that’s not entirely true, is it? If we didn’t need money, we wouldn’t need to do anything, so we wouldn’t do anything. Money is a motivator exactly as much as the absence of it is a limitation. That’s capitalism.

Skeptic: Okay, but you should have done more. You should have made sure that the right people saw this report. I just found it today, and now it’s too late.

Environmentalist: I’ve thought a lot about my role in this organization, and within society as a whole. What a lot of people don’t realize is that gain is not the primary operant behind capitalistic practices. It’s control. People don’t like new things, because new things come with a shift in power. An oil company spends all this time, and all these resources, investing in that day’s technology. It doesn’t think about the future, so when the future comes, they can’t change with it, because they weren’t ready. No one is ever ready. So when you ask me, Mister Skeptic, sir, why I didn’t do enough to push my ideas through, the answer is simple. Because nobody gives a shit. Nobody.

Microstory 467: Floor 19 (Part 2)

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Senior Buyer: Hey, Procurement Specialist. How are we doing? Are we feeling okay? Is the lockdown getting us down? You know you can talk to me about anything.

Procurement Specialist’s Mind: This is my boss. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s very...affectionate. I wouldn’t call what he does sexual harassment, but he’s certainly not aware of the concept of a personal bubble. He’s also not smart enough for a job in management.

Specialist: I’m doin’ all right, actually.

Senior Buyer: Ya know, death is a natural part of life. There is one inevitable truth, and that is that everybody dies. This is how it’s been since the beginning of time, and so shall it always be.

Specialist’s Mind: Actually the transhumanist movement’s goals of virtual immortality are closer to reality than most people know.

Specialist: Yeah, I know. I’ve seen death before. All my grandparents are gone.

Specialist’s Mind: None of them is dead.

Senior Buyer: Oh, I’m so sorry about that. Were you close with them?

Specialist: I was.

Specialist’s Mind: I’m not at all.

Senior Buyer: I’m so very sorry about that. You shouldn’t be working. Why don’t you go ahead and go head home?

Specialist: We’re on lockdown. No one can leave...

Specialist’s Mind: ...dumbass. And I didn’t say they all died today.

Specialist: And I’ve not been able to work anyway because we’re also locked out of the system...

Specialist’s Mind: ...and it’s not like I spend a lot of my daily time working anyway. I’m mostly squeezing sweets and pig-revenging and raising virtual animals on a farm.

Senior Buyer: Oh, that’s right. Well, have you seen Purchasing Intern 2?

Specialist’s Mind: He’s in the closet...with the other intern.

Specialist: I think both interns got caught on another floor.

Specialist’s Mind: Honestly, I didn’t lie to him about where the interns are because I care about their privacy. I lied to him because I would be worried he’d invite himself into the closet with them, and then things would get real weird.

Senior Buyer: Well, if you see him, would you let him know that we’re letting him go?

Specialist’s Mind: Really? He wants me to do it? I’ve always wanted to fire somebody.

Specialist: Really? You think I’m ready for that?

Specialist’s Mind: Can I fire them both? Can I make ‘em duke it out for the one remaining position? What is our policy on making people cry?

Senior Buyer: You’ve proven yourself invaluable. Somebody messed up an order, and I’ve traced the problem back to Purchasing Intern 2.

Specialist’s Mind: Yikes, that was actually my fault.

Specialist: Oh no, that’s terrible.

Senior Buyer: I don’t like having to lose people.

Specialist’s Mind: Lemme guess, cuz it harshes your mellow.

Senior Buyer: It’s the worst part of my job.

Specialist: I think that the worst part of your job is you.

Senior Buyer: What did you say?

Specialist’s Mind: Shit.

Microstory 466: Floor 20 (Part 2)

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Resource Analyst: Hello? Can you hear me?

Snowglobe Recruiter: You’re fine on my end.

Resource Analyst: Oh, the connection was a little spotty for me, but we’re fine now.

Snowglobe Recruiter: Great.

Resource Analyst: First off, I would like to thank you for this opportunity. I’ve been reading up on your organization, and I must say, I find it fascinating. You have some interesting ideas about the future, and I’m very excited to contribute to your mission.

Snowglobe Recruiter: Is that your office? Are you at work right now?

Resource Analyst: Uhh...I am, is that not okay?

Snowglobe Recruiter: It’s all right with me. It just might be rather awkward if someone walks in.

Resource Analyst: Hardly anyone is on this floor right now. We’re in lockdown due to an accident, so no one else can show up anyway.

Snowglobe Recruiter: What accident?

Resource Analyst: Um, well, Alpha committed suicide in the atrium...and the elevator crashed. I don’t have a lot of details.

Snowglobe Recruiter: That’s terrible.

Resource Analyst: Yeah.

Snowglobe Recruiter: ...so, if you could be any animal, what would you be?

Resource Analyst: I guess I would be a squirrel, because they spend all year gathering, and keeping track of, food so they have what they need in the winter. As a resource analyst, I have to understand how much the company needs in order to survive. And I just think—

Snowglobe Recruiter: So you’re, like, a hoarder?

Resource Analyst: What? No. I’m, uh...a jellyfish. Because, I’m, uh...immortal?

Snowglobe Recruiter: I was kidding.

Resource Analyst: Oh, okay. Squirrel is fine.

Snowglobe Recruiter: Tell me what your biggest weakness is. And don’t say that you’re a perfectionist.

Resource Analyst: [...]

Snowglobe Recruiter: Analyst? Are you still there.

Resource Analyst: I, um...well...

Snowglobe Recruiter: Yeah...?

Resource Analyst: I’m a perfectionist?

Snowglobe Recruiter: I didn’t catch that. Our connection was spotty again. What did you say?

Resource Analyst: I said that English class was always my worst subject. I don’t have the best verbal skills. I’m far better at maths, which is important for inventory and resource management, but I would like to be a better writer so that I can convey my ideas to other people effectively.

Snowglobe Recruiter: Oh, that’s what I thought you said. Why would you be a good fit for Snowglobe?

Resource Analyst: Well, I know that I don’t have as much as experience in the position you’re looking for, but I’m eager to learn, and ready to get to work.

Snowglobe Recruiter: Well, you’re older. That’s really all that matters. We’re not looking for experience so much as we’re looking for age, and those experience requirements get us there.

Resource Analyst: Oh, that’s great. I’m pretty old!

Snowblobe Recruiter: Haha, we’ll call you when we’ve made a decision. Buh-bye.