Monday, December 14, 2020

Microstory 1516: Catalysis Upon The Verge, And All its Cohorts

The Verge
Why do you exist?
Why are you always pulling us towards you?
And pushing us away?
We cannot go around
We cannot move you
It is not the inconvenience of travel
When you can go anywhere in the universe in a matter of hours
Does it hurt much to double the time?
I say not, but that is not the problem
The problem is control
Whoever controls The Verge controls the universe
We must always pass through you first
Therefore we must always pass through them
They decide who goes where
They decide to accept or reject us
They approve or disapprove our wars
They regulate trade
They do not deserve this control more than anyone else
They are simply the ones powerful enough to have taken it
I do not want this control
I do not want to make the decisions
I say we let the people decide for themselves
No more control
We must have a Verge, that much is physically true
But we can do what we will with this limitation
Can’t we?
I propose we disassemble this regulation
I suggest we dismantle the force that chooses for us
Some will call it chaos
But I call it freedom
I call it justice
I say this is how it is meant to be
This is how we can find true happiness
This will bring peace
Because the protocols they have in place
Only encourage disunion
We can end that
We can end the control
This is the beginning
The beginning...of Catalysis

Sunday, December 13, 2020

The Advancement of Mateo Matic: Saturday, July 18, 2133

They stayed in Ladytown for the rest of the day, and ate with the residents. The Ladytowners wanted Mateo to stay, so he could help repopulate their town, but that was an awkward request, and it wasn’t really up to him anyway. Come midnight central, they jumped forward to 2133, and hours later, they had still not yet received an assignment from Jupiter. It was becoming increasingly difficult to justify not sticking around when he could help them with their problem. The conversation continued. Their leader was named Hua. “You have to understand, Mister Matic, that we do not want to sleep with you. I mean, I’m sure plenty of us do, but that’s not the point. We’re not doing this for fun. We need to keep the town alive, or the government will win.”
“You can’t just recruit more rebels from the city?” Mateo suggested. It might have been a little ignorant and insensitive.
“We would love that,” Hua replied. “We would love it if the entire city turned against the Republic, but it’s more complicated than that. Their guard is up right now, and they are just waiting for our surviving fighters to make a move. After the men died from the haemophilia virus, they knew we would be angry, and galvanized. They figure we’ll attack them at any moment, and that we’ll sacrifice our lives just to kill as many of them as we can. We have to be smart, though. We have to rebuild. You can help us do that.”
That’s asking a lot, though,” Mateo said. “I already have a daughter I conceived in this reality who I never even got to meet before she went off to another universe. I have two children from a different reality who we’re not sure are still here, but we’ve never really met them either. I have another daughter who sometimes exists, and sometimes doesn’t, and I’m not entirely certain she even is my daughter, or if time just occasionally brings her into existence. I can’t keep having children I don’t raise. It’s not right. I’m not that kind of guy. If I weren’t a time traveler, I would be a real dad to those kids.”
“We don’t need you to be a dad,” Hua continued. “We just need your seed.”
“I understand that, but that’s not what I need.”
“I see your perspective,” Hua went on, “and I can appreciate your reluctance. You hesitate for good reasons; not bad ones, and I don’t mean to downplay them. But there is more than one way to contribute positively to the worlds. You won’t raise these children either, but they will go on to do great things, and fight for democracy. We will all raise them in your stead. They will grow up to be amazing people, just like I’m sure your other children have.” Mateo tried to say something, but she interrupted before he got a sound out. “Tell me one thing, would those four children even exist if you weren’t a traveler; if you just lived in Kansas City from birth to death, in realtime?”
“Without time travel, no. I don’t know what happens in that scenario. I was twenty-eight years old when I made my first jump, and had not yet met anyone I thought I could have kids with. It may never have happened, or...I would have conceived other children.”
“Yes, reality is quite complex,” Hua agreed. “Few know what would have happened, but the fact is that those four people exist, or existed, because of you, and you should be proud of that, whether you were there or not. I’ll tell you this much, literally not being in control of your life is a good reason to be an absentee father. It’s probably the best reason, and it doesn’t make you a deadbeat. Or to put it more clearly, it makes you not a deadbeat. We will tell stories about you to your biological children here. We will make sure they understand who you are, and what you have done. And believe me when I tell you, Mister Matic, we already do know who you are. Your dealings are in historical, and future historical, records. You’re famous on every planet.”
“I don’t know.” There wasn’t much more he could say about it. He had expressed his position, and Hua had expressed hers. Neither one was right, and neither one was wrong. It was just a question of whether he was willing to sacrifice his own emotional health...or theirs. When looking at it from that angle, the answer became quite clear. His opinion wasn’t the only one that mattered, though, and it was then that he realized how quiet Leona had been this whole time. “I would like to hear your thoughts.”
“My thoughts are irrelevant. Your body, your choice.”
“It’s not that simple,” Mateo said to her, setting his hand on hers.
Hua nodded at her supportively.
“I...I don’t wanna sway your opinion. If you need to do this, then do it. If you can’t, then don’t.”
“Let’s call it a hypothetical,” Mateo began. “Let’s say you’re writing a story—the characters aren’t real, so it really doesn’t matter what they do, because no one will actually get hurt. If you’re writing that story, where would you take it? What would you have the Mateo character do?” He used airquotes.
Leona shut her trap.
“Please. This is important.”
“I know it’s important, that doesn’t mean I’m going to answer your question.”
“I’m your husband, and I need to know what I have to say about it.”
She was silent for a time, but thinking it over now, instead of just refusing to express her feelings outright. She didn’t look at either of them straight on, though. She stared at the wall in front of her, and made glances over at them, having to strain her eyes the most to see Mateo, who was sitting next to her. Sometimes she would look over to the corner on her other side, just to avoid giving anything away. Finally, she gave up holding out. “I think you should do it. I know I should say that I don’t—that it makes me a bad wife—but as a woman, I can’t sit here, and watch this phallocratic government oppress their people. If this is what they need to fight back—if they need future warriors—I...how can we deny them that? If I had...seed, I would give it away. I just don’t have time to donate my womb.”
Mateo reached over, and pulled Leona into a hug. He held on for a long time before releasing her. “I agree.”
Hua smiled softly, but was not overly excited about their decision. “Okay. Obviously, you have the right to back out at any time. This requires consent, just like any other encounter. We would take samples from you if were capable of preserving, or even effectively inseminating them. At the moment, our only real chance is real sex. I have already spoken with the group, and only a handful of them have rejected this plan, and of course, that’s also their right. Most of them are willing to do this. We know you can only do so much in one day anyway, so you’ll be able to pick whoever you want.”
“I don’t need to pick,” Mateo said, shaking his head. “This isn’t a game of kickball. Anyone will be fine. You did say you wanted children. I will do my physical best to...contribute as much as possible before I’m forced to leave.”
He was able to be with five women before they ran out of time. This new body’s refractory period was surprisingly long. He would have thought it would be pretty short, or even instantaneous. Perhaps Pryce didn’t design the clone bodies to want or need sex often. Come to think of it, Mateo’s sex drive was lower than it was with his original body. Culturally, it was less important in the future than it once was. Immortals tended to not feel the compulsion to procreate like their predecessors, or their younger, regular human selves. So it would make sense for Pryce to not put too much emphasis on it. Still, it wasn’t like Mateo’s libido was completely nonexistent. He was able to perform, and it was just as pleasurable as before, if not more. He tried not to enjoy it too much, because of his wife, but if they were completely cold and clinical, the pregnancies might not take. Passion and foreplay were scientifically known to be important components to conception, and could not reasonably be ignored.
Once the job was complete, Mateo retired to their little temporary hunt with Leona, so they could end the night alone together. They started to talk about the experience, and ensure that no one was uncomfortable about it, or felt that their perspective wasn’t being respected. As midnight approached, Leona began to feel a little possessive and left out. She needed physical proof that he was still with her, even though she trusted him, and knew that it wasn’t going to spark some urge to step out. Fortunately, he was reaching the end of his last refractory period, and was up to the task one last time. Whereas before, he was having sex, now he was making love, with the human he loved. The deed was done just as midnight hit, and they were simultaneously swept through a transition window, back to The Parallel.
They were in a bed, but not the same one from Ladytown. It was as if someone in the Parallel was aware that they would be returning, and exactly where. They were in the middle of a lovely crop field of some kind now, though, rather than a building. They stood up, and put on their clothes, which were folded neatly on top of the nightstand. Yes, someone must have traveled to Ladytown during their interim year, and retrieved all of their belongings. Their go-bags were here too. Underneath the last shirt, they found a handwritten note. It was from Hua. Dear Mateo and Leona, I want to thank you for what you tried to do for us last year. It was a heroic act, and meant more to us than you could ever fathom. We will forever be grateful by your attempt, and for your understanding, Leona. I know it wasn’t easy, letting him help a group of strangers in such a way. Sadly, none of the women became pregnant as a result of the endeavor. It would seem that resurrected bodies are incapable of procreation, whether by design, or oversight. Or perhaps the virus the city sent our way had a greater impact on our biology than we realized. Again, we appreciate the effort, and we will not give up hope that our world can change. You have reminded us that there are still good people in the worlds, and that they must exist somewhere in Aljabara. We will find them, and things will get better. Thank you.
Yeah, they should have thought of that.

Saturday, December 12, 2020

The Pryce of Heaven: Blackbody (Part II)

The beacon was live, but for only less than an hour. It went dormant after that, which suggests something happened to Lowell. Oh well, Jupiter figured. There was a reason they chose him for the task. If he was killed permanently, it would have no great impact on the timeline, and it’s not like he was ever a great person anyway. He did his job, and now it’s time to move on to the next phase. They’re standing at the Nexus annex on Earth, waiting for the technician to integrate the machine into their ship, which is too large to fit inside  the Nexus proper.
“Why are we in this other timeline?” Tetra asks.
“It’s not another timeline,” Téa explains. “It’s another reality. It runs parallel to our reality.”
“Yes,” Missy adds. “Other timelines technically take place in the past. When you go back in time, you don’t actually go backwards. What you do is bring the past conditions up to your present, and continue forward from there. You’re always moving forward.”
“Oh.”
“I brought you to the Parallel,” Jupiter begins, “because I have the power to do so, and it’s kind of our one advantage. We will travel to the point in the galaxy where I picked up Lowell’s beacon, and then send us through a transition window back to the main sequence, so he doesn’t see us coming.”
“We still don’t have much information,” Téa argues. “We may know where Lowell was, but we don’t know where he is, and we don’t know what kind of technology this Pryce fellow has, or what. We don’t even know that he doesn’t have access to the Parallel.”
“That we do know,” Jupiter argues back. “Parallel researchers assure me that we are completely separate. Their version of death is different than ours. If you were to die here, you would not go to Pryce’s simulation.”
“What would happen to us if we died here?” Missy questions. “That would be kind of nice to know.”
The technician stops her work for a moment, and gives Jupiter this look.
“I’ve already asked that. Death is a touchy subject for these people even more than it is in our reality. They won’t talk about it.” He takes a beat. “But you don’t have to worry about that. Not only am I going to keep you safe, but all three of you have things to do in the timeline that you have not yet experienced. You will find your way back. You have to.”
“Speaking of which,” the technician says, “you will not be able to come back. Your ship is not capable of near instantaneous interstellar travel. I can send you where you wanna go, but once you get there, the connection will be severed. You’ll have to find some other way.”
“We’re not worried about that right now,” Jupiter assures her. “We’ll be in the main sequence, so it won’t matter what we can and can’t do.”
“That’s not really true,” Téa points out, but they drop the subject, and decide to hope for the best.
After a final system’s check, they climb into the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and prepare to launch. “Oh, by the way,” the technician says through the speaker. “You’re getting pretty close to Stellaris Collapsis Centralis. Things are gonna get slow for you.
“What’s Stellaris Collapsis Centralis?” Téa questions just as the engine reaches critical mass.
“Oh God,” Jupiter says as he’s massaging the bridge of his nose. “The blackhole.”
They jump.
“Missy!” Jupiter cries. “No, I mean...computer, calculate temporal dilation with reference frame Earth.”
Calculating,” the computer responds.
“What’s going on?” Tetra asks, frightened.
“The time dilation is—” the computer tries to say.
“On-screen!” Jupiter orders.
The time difference appears on the screens before them.
“Missy, can you read those figures, and come up with a temporal bubble to match?” Jupiter asks.
“Give me a second.”
“We don’t have much more than a second,” he replies.
Missy takes a breath, and forms a bubble between her fingers, which expands far from them at the speed of her exhale. “Bubble’s away.”
“Computer, how long has it been since departure, realtime?”
Three years, four months, and twenty-nine days,” the computer answers.
“Ah, damn,” Jupiter says at a fairly low volume. “I didn’t want it to take this long.”
“Can someone please explain what happened?” Tetra asks.
Jupiter prepares to explain. “Gravity bends spacetime. The higher the gravity, the slower time moves. When you’re standing on the surface of Earth, time is actually moving slower for you than for someone floating on a space station in orbit—not by much, but not nothin’. Black holes have profoundly high gravity; higher than you’ve ever experienced before. We are extremely close to it, so while we were only here for a few seconds, almost three and a half years passed for everyone else. Well, I shouldn’t say everyone. Some people in this reality live relatively close to black holes. For them, maybe two years have passed, for others, only one. I asked Missy to generate a temporal bubble, to cancel out this gravitational time dilation. We’re now moving really fast compared to the region of space around us, but it’s matched up with the people on Earth.”
“Pryce must be using the time dilation to prevent people from finding the simulation,” Téa guesses.
“That would be my assumption,” Missy confirms. “If he’s this close to the event horizon, he hasn’t been here long.”
How long?” Tetra asks.
“Well, when did Pryce first arrive here?” Missy asks in return.
“Let’s assume he’s been here the entire time,” Jupiter puts forth. Based on what I’ve gathered, he started collecting consciousnesses about twelve thousand years ago.”
Missy taps on her screen a few times, and her eyes widen. “A day.”
“Excuse me?”
“A day,” Missy repeats. “If Tamerlane Pryce arrived in this region of space—this close to Sagittarius A-Star—then from his perspective, he’s only been here...for a day.”
“He must have his own way of manipulating time then,” Téa determines. “Mateo was communicating with Leona from the real world, from Earth.”
“The simulation would be running at a highly accelerated rate. The entities monitoring the computers from the outside, would only experience minutes, but for the people inside the simulation, decades have passed.”
“How does this help us?” Tetra asks. “How does it hurt us?”
“Well,” Jupiter says with relief, “thank God Missy’s here. Honestly, I chose this team for poetic value. I didn’t give much thought to who would be useful for the mission. We lucked out that Sanaa is one of the people who need rescuing, and that I’m kind of a psycho who wants to see what happens when she finds out her mortal enemy has saved her life.”
Téa continues the interrogation, “what happens when we transition to the other reality? How close are we to Lowell’s beacon?”
“We are safely two light years from it, so when we transition, we’ll have to make the journey across, as soon as we gather some data. It’ll only take us a day.” He directs his attention to Missy, “Miss Atterberry, you think you can hold up your bubble during the transition?”
“I don’t see why not,” Missy decides. “It’s not like I have to concentrate on it. I create a bubble, and then I let it be.”
“Okay. Then I’m gonna send us through,” Jupiter says, waiting for anyone to protest. Mateo or Lowell would have been the ones to do that, but they’re not a problem anymore. “Here..we..go!”
They switch back over to the main sequence. Everything seems to be about the same as it always was, but then they looked out the right viewport. They are flabbergasted and lost.
“What the hell am I looking at here?” Tetra asks. “Is there someone standing outside the ship?”
“Like a robot?” Téa adds. “It looks like a robot, or a statue.”
“Oh my God,” Jupiter says breathily. “I think that’s the matrioshka body.”
“That’s crazy,” Missy says, staring at the screen. “I’ve heard of a brain, but...someone built this thing?”
“Hogarth Pudeyonavic,” Jupiter answers. “It’s not supposed to exist for another two and a half centuries, and then some.”
“Can someone explain?”
“The matrioshka brain,” Missy starts to go over it. “What you do is build a bunch of structures around a star, which will absorb the light from that star, with what are basically gigantic hyperefficient solar panels. They don’t absorb all of it, though. Some light will get through, and those structures will radiate heat away. Notice how your phone gets hot when you use it too much? That’s just energy being wasted, and space is no exception. So what you do is build even more structures behind the first layer. They’ll catch that radiated heat, but will in turn radiate their own. So you build another layer. And another, and another, and another, until you’re no longer benefitting from the radiation. That’s a matrioshka brain. It’s not a solid sphere, but from far enough away, it looks like one. If we built one around Sol, the whole thing would extend farther than the orbit of Neptune. According to the computer, this brain is surrounding a red dwarf, so it’s smaller.”
“You call that small?” Téa can’t fathom anything larger than this.
“Yes, and it includes a full body. There’s not really any point in doing that, except that it’s badass, and I’ve never heard of it before, and I wish I had thought of it.”
“Someone stole it, and brought it to the past?” Tetra assumes.
“That would seem to be the case,” Jupiter agrees. “Pryce is more powerful than I imagined. Some argue you could build a sufficient simulation with a dyson sphere, which would just be one layer of structures, so this is extreme overkill.”
“How do we get over there?” Missy asks. “If he hasn’t detected us already, he will soon.”
“We’re quite close to darklurking,” Jupiter assures her. “That thing would probably just interpret us as a glitch in the system, we’re so small. That’s the benefit of a tiny ship. Everyone seems to think bigger is better, but that’s not always the case.”
“Computer, go ninety-nine percent dark,” Missy orders. “Life support, dim lighting, and HiBo grav only.” She sees Jupiter looking at her. “No point in testing our limits.” She starts tapping the computer screen. “There is no way we’re getting over there. He’ll spot us, and blow us out of the sky. I mean, one laser beam, and we won’t know what hit us.”
“Paige can get us there,” Jupiter says. “Or Tetra, rather.”
“Me?”
“All we need is a telescope,” he tells her. “It doesn’t take any power. I think they have one down in engineering, kind of for things like this.”
“Missy will help you find somewhere pressurized and oxygenated. Hell, I could do it. We all got our cuffs on. Everybody’s got everybody’s powers. You guys remember that? You need to learn to use them first, though; they’re not automatic.”
Tetra sighs. “You get me a clear shot inside a window, I’ll get us into that room.”
“Okay,” Missy says. “I’ll find something. It might take me awhile. I would really love to make sure there’s no one in that room when we get there.”
It really did take long for her to find a good entry point. The matrioshka body was predominantly designed to accommodate a species of people known as mechs. They don’t need air, and they don’t need gravity, and some don’t even need light. There are places regular organic humans could survive, but without the blueprints, or some foreknowledge of this place, they’re hard to see, especially since most of them are deeper in. Besides, for Tetra’s teleporting ability to work, she needs to see where she’s going. That can come in the form of a photograph, or straight line of sight, or—in this case—a telescopic view, but she can’t simply be cognizant of what’s on the other side.
“Wait,” Téa interrupts as they’re discussing the details of the jump. “When will we arrive in that room? I don’t know much about science, but I know that light moves at a certain speed. When we get there, will it be present day, or will it be two years ago?”
They look to Tetra.
“That’s the thing. I don’t know. Normally, it would be the past. I’m looking at a star that’s two light years away, which means the events unfolding before me happened two years ago. I’m not sure how to account for the black hole’s time dilation, or Missy’s time bubble. It’s kinda gonna be a crapshoot. Don’t misunderstand me when I say that I can’t recommend this course of action. I’ll do it if you want, but only if you want.”
Now they look to Jupiter.
“A lot of what I do is because I like the power...the control. I crave people doing what I say. I’ve grown a lot since I started doing this, though. Sending my teams into the Parallel, saving lives; it’s given me perspective, and changed me in ways I thought were hopeless since I was a child.” He shakes his head, and paces within a very small radius. “The old me would make you go, because I’m in charge. Now, though, I just want my people back. And I’m asking for your help.”
Now they all look to each other.
“Let’s do it.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m in.”
“Okay.”
Missy double checks her work, then presents the eyepiece to Tetra. They jump, and make it all the way there...but not everyone survives.

Friday, December 11, 2020

Microstory 1515: What I Was Made to Do, And How I Am Meant to Do It

Time moves slow while I’m here
I am on the outside
But I am on the inside
I’m in between
The fast immortals
And the normal living
It is my job to keep the system cold
I was only hired for two days
I won’t even need to work the entire shift
Yes, time moves slowly for me
But a lot happens
A second is nearly two months
A year would be millions
We could be here for a year
But there is no need
The dead will be resurrected by then
I do not know why time must move slowly
I do not know why we are here
We could not live close to home
That I understand
But we did not have to be so far
I suppose it wouldn’t matter much to me
I could be here for a day
Or thousands of years
I would not have to notice a difference
I could shed my memories of yesterday
And start anew every time
I was made for this work
I was made for nothing but this work
And when it’s over
I will be destroyed

Thursday, December 10, 2020

Microstory 1514: We Were Left Behind, But Now We Are Right in Front

I was one of those who were left behind
At first I was upset
My friends and family were sent to heaven
I figured that I was just not good enough
Why? I asked
What did I do wrong?
Was I that bad of a person?
It took us a little time, but we finally figured it out
The rest of us
It’s not about people’s actions
It’s not about how they dealt with others
It’s not about their perspective
It’s not about what they thought about the world
It’s not about love or hate or pain
It’s not about discipline or humility or contentment
It’s just about one thing
It’s just about the idea of some kind of acceptable supreme being
It’s about everyone who expressed belief in one of the right versions of God
They were rewarded
They didn’t have to be good people
They didn’t even have to be devoted to their beliefs
They didn’t have to attend worship services
They didn’t have to do good deeds
They didn’t have to truly believe what they claimed
They just had to express the acknowledgement of the higher power
It could not have been just any higher power
But it could have been any of many
I have done good things my whole life
They mean nothing now
I suppose they never did
I have always believed in God
But it didn’t matter, not to God
My beliefs were just a little more wrong than all the other wrong religions
Nobody walked the perfect path
Nobody was even close to it
They were just closer than me, and close enough
I never expected to be rewarded
But I didn’t think I would be punished either
Now we are at war, but not out of want
We are at war, because it was forced upon us
No one wants to be here
No one wants to live like this
We are expected to keep going, and keep trying
We are expected to follow the plan as it was laid out before us
I have decided to ignore the plan
I have decided to avoid the war
I do not want us to fight against each other
I do not want us to bring more destruction to these lands
There is an enemy out there who deserves all of our wrath
He deserve to feel what he makes us feel
He made arbitrary decisions with no reason
No reason accept to be loved
So I am going after him, and all who stand in my way
I do not want to fight the believers, but I will
We are the Right in Front
We are going to war against God

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Microstory 1513: Just As Always

The world has ended
It wasn’t the first time
It will begin anew
Just as it always has

That’s not to say it’s fine
People died
A lot of people died
But people will go on
Just as they always do

There will be a transitional period
When chaos covers the lands
Survivors will do what they can
There will be no order
There will, however, be happiness
Just as there always was

One day, civilization will return
Progress will progress
People will come together
We will fight for each other
We will protect our future
We will keep trying
Just as we always have

Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Microstory 1512: Fighting Against an Enemy I Do Not Know, and Which Does Not Know Me

All my life, I’ve been a fighter
I fought to survive as a baby
I fought against those who treated me differently
I fought for my country, and I fought for my world
Now I’m being asked to fight for my entire universe
I did not even know such an enemy could exist
This darkness seems so powerful, how can I make an impact?
How can I fight when my heart is not in it?
I am tired of fighting
Tired of the struggle, the fear, the loss
I was trying to stop when they came for me
The threat is so massive that they can no longer afford to do it on their own
They have asked outsiders to join them
I do not have a stake in this
I cannot imagine the enemy will come for me and mine if we remain neutral
They tell me they will
They tell me the enemy does not care what I do
I could even fight alongside the enemy, they say; the enemy will always hate me
I do not know why
I do not know what I’ve done
What we’ve done
All I know is that I do not want to fight anymore
I just want to live in my little house, in my quiet neighborhood
My little non-threatening world
I just want this to be over

Monday, December 7, 2020

Microstory 1511: A Child Undone

I lost my child today
When the sands of time flew back up the hourglass
I was left with nothing
Many found new hope
They could correct the mistakes of their future
But I was not so lucky
He has not yet been conceived
And I understand causality; he never will
Even if I attempted to recreate the scenario
I could never make him again
It could never be him
His creation was undone, and cannot be redone
Damn whomever did this to us
Damn whomever forced us back in time
Damn the science that made it possible
And damn those who benefited from it
I know it’s not their fault
But I also cannot forgive them
Time is meant to move in one direction
I would have never thought to call the reverse blasphemy
But I, more than most, can see the damage it has done
People died, caught off guard by the temporal shift
Others were destined to die, but who knows now?
But I am here, lost and alone
At least the ones who died in the catastrophe still had a chance
At least the ones who would have died can try to change it
I wish to change nothing
I wish to go back to how it was
I wish for my child