By the time I graduated from college, I had acquired tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I don’t have a hoarding problem, I have a shopping problem. I often sell things I buy, but of course, that comes with diminishing returns. I love the feeling of coming home and seeing a package on the patio, or of watching a plastic piece of junk forming in the 3D printer. I was one of the first general consumers to own one of those, by the way. My father, ever the gen-xer, has often asked me why I didn’t just get “tranny surgery”. In his mind, he was being progressive by accepting me as a woman, but he was actually being closed-minded by not accepting that men can enjoy shopping as well. My mother, ever the pragmatist, suggested that I pursue a career in procurement. And me, ever the ignorant kind of millennial, had no idea what that meant. As it turns out, it’s where you get paid to buy things. Can you believe it? I spend all day buying equipment, and renting heavy machinery, for my company. Looking back, of course this department exists. A company couldn’t survive if it didn’t have, like…things. To be honest, though, it’s becoming less and less fun. So much of it has become automated. This is supposed to make the process easier, but all it really does is make me irrelevant. Great, where else am I going to find to work like this? Analion is actually rather behind the automation revolution, so it’s only gonna get worse from here. I don’t know if I can hold a real job. What would I even do? Flip burgers? No, they don’t use humans for that anymore either. Could I be a technician, and service the machines that will ultimately replace me? I definitely couldn’t do that. I already have enough trouble with the programs I use now. I think I ordered the wrong parts for those windows we sold that people fell out of. What am I going to do. Shopping always makes me feel better. Where do you suppose my girlfriend hid my credit card?
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