Microstory 1757: Norma’s Kitchen in a Box

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Marjorie Norma did not invent 3D printing, but she was instrumental in standardizing it. And when her competitors came for blood, she ended up on top, because she still had the best product, and brand loyalty. The science of additive manufacturing was still in its infancy when she started working on it as a pet project. She knew that speed and sophistication were going to progress on their own, and that all she had to do was keep up with it. She was focused on how people would begin using such things in their home. This meant that industrial synthesizers, and biomedical synthesizers would be less useful to most customers than food synthesizers. For the most part, she found that the current machines were either very large, or very small. Many of them were designed with a specific result in mind, or had unfortunate limitations. If people were going to place these things in their homes, they needed to be versatile, and be capable of making more than just a single pastry at a time. It was never going to transition from a novelty item for people with a disposable income to a ubiquitous household appliance, unless anyone could download any program, and print anything. She got her idea when she walked into her kitchen one day, and looked around. By the entrance was the refrigerator. It took up the most space, and it wasn’t always full. She also had a stove/oven combo, above which her husband had installed a microwave oven. Then there was a sink, and a dishwasher. She owned a fairly small kitchen, and she made pretty good use of the space, but she wasn’t much of a cook, and neither was anyone else in the house. What if she could put everything together, or almost everything? She kept looking back at that fridge. Yes, it was the largest, but it was also the most important. A lot of foods don’t require any cooking, but they all require storage, unless you want to go to the store every day. Some people do that, but it’s not very efficient, and that lifestyle isn’t marketable. There was a solution, and she could find it.

She used that refrigerator as the basis for her new design, knowing that most living spaces were capable of accommodating it. Some units were only large enough for a mini-fridge, but people who lived in such places already knew how to make sacrifices. The top of her design was a water tank. It didn’t necessarily fit in every space, but it would be optional, and customers could connect a waterline either way, just like they would for that refrigerator. Under that would be where the cartridges went. Here she took inspiration from the toner bottles in the copy room down the hall from her office. For the synthesization cavity, she found herself limited by the dimensions of everything else, but it was still larger than the capacity of any standard oven, so that was more than enough. Since the cavity is where her users would be retrieving their food, they couldn’t put this on the floor, but at a reasonable height, which meant everything below it could be dedicated to storage. She chose to include a utensil drawer, and then an extra cartridge cabinet. All told, she figured that a fully stocked synthesizer could feed one person for about six months. Her original model did not include a dishwasher, but later ones did, allowing customers to keep almost an entire kitchen in the space of a refrigerator. It could be programmed to make just about anything, cool food, heat food, and supply water. What more could a normal person need? Well, they needed tools, and they needed organ and tissue replacements. She started to work on those machines next.

Microstory 1714: Big Dog Ballpoint Pens

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My great great grandfather started this company. The year was 1904, and he was extremely ahead of his time. You may have heard that the first ballpoint pens were sold in the middle of the century, but that is not true. That is just when they became popular, and started on the road to ubiquity. My ancestor was the first to break into the industry after they were invented. He knew that there was something to this new technology. Big Dog was his nickname in the army, on account of how good he was at sniffing out the enemy. He mostly sold to construction companies who wanted to mark the wood they were cutting with something other than pencil, and to left-handed note-takers who were tired of the ink and lead smudging on their hands. Yes, sir, he was a pioneer, and I admire him for that. I never knew the man, but I know what he stood for. He was simple, and easy to please. He never wanted to be the biggest writing utensil company in the world, which is why he never thought to branch out into other instruments, nor did his descendants. We do ballpoints, and we only do ballpoints. Our design has become more sophisticated over time, and we’re on the verge of launching the next generation in our popular funtime series, which features characters from a certain children’s TV show that all you parents out there are familiar with. Still. It’s just ballpoint pens. We don’t make other kinds of pens, or pencils. We don’t sell paper to go along with it, or even pen cases. A single product with multiple series to appeal to an array of customers. My grandfather was adamant about that—I remember—rest in peace. He wanted to keep the tradition, and while I’m no one to scoff at tradition, I also know a business opportunity when I see one. We’re a household name now, and we should start thinking bigger.

When my dad retired two years ago, he gave me one single mandate. He said, “son, this company is yours now. I expect you to treat her as well as your predecessors always did.” Well, that’s what I plan on doing, and I don’t think adding new products interferes with, or contradicts, that mandate. He might have meant to say that I wasn’t allowed to change anything, but that’s not what he said, and that’s not what I’m going to do. It’s the 21st century now, and pens...aren’t as big as they used to be. They’re still great, but kids these days are always on their little devices. It’s time that we get into the little devices business. Introducing the Big Dog Augmented Reality Stylus. Unlike my great great grandfather, we’re not the first to make this product, but we believe we’re the best. With our free phone app, you can view any virtual writing in any space, whether you were the one who first created it, or not. With the handy writing board, you can write or draw in whatever position is most comfortable, and then drag—or even throw—the content over to some other point in space. With our view glasses, you can draw and view the content without even using your hands. We’ve been developing these products for two years now, and we’re just about ready to release them. I know, that sounds insane. How does a ballpoint pen company suddenly pivot to AR? Well, the truth is that I’ve been working on this my whole life. I have a bachelor’s degree in graphic design, and a masters in computer engineering. I also studied art in high school, so I know what creative people want. This is where the future of technology is headed, and we’re ready for it. Believe it or not, the first models are finished and tested. Right now, we’re looking for investors to work with us on distribution and advertising. So wadya say? Who’s in?

Microstory 1374: Internal Candidate

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Internal Candidate: I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. I understand that people like me aren’t normally given the opportunity to apply for this position.

Hiring Manager: People like you? I want to assure you that our company does not discriminate against a candidate or employee based on race, gender, age—

Internal Candidate: I mean an internal candidate. You always hire at this level from the outside.

Hiring Manager: Do we?

Internal Candidate: Uh, it’s my job to examine and understand trends. Yes, you definitely do. You’ve never promoted someone to this—or a comparable—level from the inside. Employees call it the promotion ceiling, because, as you said, it doesn’t seem to be based on protected classes. You regularly promote people all the way into my current level, but for the next one, you always look for external candidates, and then continue to promote from there.

Hiring Manager: Really?

Internal Candidate: Yeah, you don’t even post this on the internal job listings.

Hiring Manager: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this. I don’t normally conduct these interviews personally. I’m just the one who’s in the office right now.

Internal Candidate: Yes, because I requested this meeting via email, since I wasn’t allowed to apply through the system.

Hiring Manager: You couldn’t have just found it on one of the job board sites?

Internal Candidate: The questionnaire asks whether you or a family member works, or has worked, for this company. If you check yes, it will disqualify you from consideration shortly thereafter. It doesn’t technically say that’s why, but...I’m pretty sure that’s why.

Hiring Manager: We use a contractor, of course, to manage our listings. I was not aware of this problem. I assure you that this is entirely an error. At least, if it’s not, I was somehow left out of the decision-making process.

Internal Candidate: Yeah. So, does this mean you’re willing to interview me?

Hiring Manager: I think I already am.

Internal Candidate: Okay.

Hiring Manager: Have you noticed any other issues like this? Have you seen discrimination of any other kind, or unfair disadvantages, or other weird things?

Internal Candidate: Well, in terms of the hiring structure, not really. I’m sure there’s plenty of discrimination happening we don’t know about; either because the manager doesn’t let on that they’re doing it, or they don’t even realize their prejudices themselves. I do know of one thing that’s frustrated our customers, though.

Hiring Manager: Oh, please, what is it?

Internal Candidate: Well, we have a product return policy of sixty days. You can request an extension, starting on day sixty-one, and ending on day ninety. It’s a form you fill out online, and an actual person has to review these every single time.

Hiring Manager: Yes, I am aware of this policy.

Internal Candidate: Well it’s fine, except I guess the system has some sort of software bug. To fill out the form, you have to input the order confirmation code, of course, and if the order was placed sixty-two days ago, the form just won’t submit. Which obviously just defeats the purpose, unless you happen to be precisely one day late. Customers have been forced to print out the form, fill it out manually, and either fax it in, or send it through snail mail.

Hiring Manager: Oh, that’s terrible. I don’t remember the last time I sent a fax, or used the mail service for anything short of a package.

Internal Candidate: Same.

Hiring Manager: I suppose it’s at least good that they do have some kind of workaround.

Internal Candidate: Yes, and no. The fact that there is a workaround has prevented us from correcting the mistake. If it just didn’t work at all, we would be flooded with complaints, and someone probably would have done something to solve it. Though, I have heard anecdotal evidence that some customers just give up, and keep the tools they don’t really want.

Hiring Manager: That’s a good point.

Internal Candidate: Yeah.

Hiring Manager: So, you’re applying for a management position in the marketing department?

Internal Candidate: That’s right, sir.

Hiring Manager: As a hiring manager, I have the authority to contrive new positions, within any department in this division. I can, however, speak with my counterparts in other divisions, and increase that scope.

Internal Candidate: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.

Hiring Manager: I’m formulating a plan. I think the company as a whole would benefit from a job—or even an entire department—that’s solely responsible for catching these types of errors, and coming up with solutions. How would you like to get a real promotion, and really break through this ridiculous promotion wall?

Internal Candidate: Wow, um...yes.

Microstory 1360: Talent

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Talent Agent: Miss Influencer, it’s very nice to meet you. My daughter loves your stuff—loves it.

Influencer: Well, that’s great. Send her my regards.

Talent Agent: Wonderful, wonderful. Now, it says here that you’re a social media influencer. What exactly does that mean?

Influencer: Well, companies send me samples of their products, and pay me to advertise those products on my social media profiles. I’m particularly popular on Photogander.

Talent Agent: That’s the apps that turns movies into still pictures, or sumthin’?

Influencer: Sort of. You can move the camera around an object, and it will stitch together a 3D tour-like photo of that object. Users can then turn the object around, to see what it looks like from other angles. Other photo-sharing services focus on selfies, but this is better for objects, since it’s kind of difficult to move the camera around your own body, and remain in the same position. Of course, I’m sometimes in the shot myself, which is why I have a partner take the pictures for me.

Talent Agent: And you like the products you advertise?

Influencer: Sometimes.

Talent Agent: Well, isn’t that a bit dishonest? I mean, don’t your fans—

Influencer: Gagglers. They’re called gagglers on the site. And they give you honks when they like a photo.

Talent Agent: Whatever. So when your gagglers see you’ve promoted a product, theoretically they go out and buy it. But if you don’t even believe in the product, you’re just lying.

Influencer: I never said I didn’t believe in them. I support everything I advertise. I would never promote cigarettes or vaping paraphernalia, for instance. I just don’t always love them. Sometimes there’s an alternative I prefer, but if they haven’t hired me, I don’t post it on my business account. It’s just like acting in a commercial. No one expects the actor to have any strong feelings about dish soap, but they pretend to for the role. That’s fine.

Talent Agent: Yeah, I guess I get it. So look, I can make you a star, but you gotta do what I say. We’re a special kind of agency here. We’re only lookin’ for the best, but that don’t mean everyone’s ready. If you’ve never had any experience, then we gotta make you ready. We have a class you can take. It’s four hundred dollars per session for five sessions, but I promise it’s worth it. If these follower—I’m sorry; gaggler—numbers are any indication, two thousand dollars probably won’t be a problem.

Influencer: Well, I have taken some acting classes, and I’ve participated in live appearances, where I’ve been told I have good presence.

Talent Agent: Eh, yeah, but this is a special thing. We really want you to go through the class, so we know what we got. We gotta be able to tell the casting directors you know what you’re doin’.

Influencer: Uh, give me one second. I just need to look something up.

Talent Agent: Okay, sure.

Influencer: Yeah, the internet says don’t accept help from a talent agent who asks you to take a class. Like, it specifically mentions that it’s probably a scam. It warns readers that a scammer will claim it has more to do with evaluating your skills, so they can talk you up with casting directors.

Talent Agent: Ah, you can’t believe everything you find on the internet. I mean, just look at you! You say you love dish soap, but apparently that’s just a photo.

Influencer: Right, but I don’t make false claims about what the products do. I don’t try to convince my gagglers the soap will give them superpowers, or make them more attractive. Everything I say about the product is a hundred percent true.

Talent Agent: Well, it sounds like a gray area to me. I’ll tell you what, since we already know you have fans, and they’ll be wanting to see what you do, I’ll give you half off the class? How’s that sound? Influencing ain’t acting, but I believe you on the thing about your presence. You lit up the room when you walked in. Half off is best I can do.

Influencer: Nah, I think I better go look for someone else. Even if this is a legit operation, it’s not worth the risk, and it’s not like you have a monopoly on the industry.

Talent Agent: Well, I can’t make you stay, but we make stars, so I think you’ll be happy here.

Influencer: I’m okay. Thanks for the interview, though.

Talent Agent: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, wait. Can my daughter get your autograph?

Influencer: I better not. Just get one of your stars to do it instead. I’m sure they’re all much bigger than me. Have a nice day.

Microstory 1355: Division (Part 2)

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Magnate Representative: Thank you all for coming back in after lunch. Well, not all, I suppose. I see that Magnate Customer 5 is no longer with us. That should be okay. So, I think we have the Smart Solutions thing squared away. Of course, nothing has been decided, but you have all been such a big help to us so far. We greatly appreciate your contribution. We’re not done with you yet, though. I want to talk to you about Robotics. This part is the reason you signed nondisclosure agreements. We haven’t so much as hinted that we’re planning to jump into this field, because it won’t be officially happening for another two years, but we do want to hear some initial thoughts, because our main goal is supporting the average consumer. Plenty of robotics companies are going after disaster relief, and manufacturing, and of course, the military. We’re interested in the kind of automation that makes life easier for the individual. Does that all sound exciting?

Magnate Customers: [in unison] Yes.

Magnate Customer 6: Sort of.

Magnate Representative: All right, good enough. First off, if you were to own a personal robot assistant—let’s say that money is no object for you—what kinds of things would you want it to be able to do for you?

Magnate Customer 2: Cook me dinner.

Magnate Representative: Okay, cooking. Before we hear from anyone else, would you be more interested in a free-standing robot, or would you rather purchase a smart kitchen, where the appliances work together to build something for you.

Magnate Customer 2: I’m not sure I understand the difference.

Magnate Representative: A free-standing robot would, ignoring any dexterity limitations, be able to do anything you would. It would open the fridge door, take out the ingredients, open the containers, etcetera. A smart kitchen requires you to set some ingredients up, and then machines carry it down the line, as needed, sometimes going back and forth. The latter is less intelligent, but the technology is more readily available. As of yet, no one has built a robot that could theoretically move around the world wherever it wants, and fulfill natural-language requests.

Magnate Customer 4: I would sure rather have the proper robot. If money doesn’t matter in this scenario, why wouldn’t you?

Magnate Customer 6: I’m not certain I would like this humanoid thing in my house, wandering around, listening to everything I do.

Magnate Representative: Okay, so privacy is a concern of yours. You don’t want it to be too available. You would want it to be there when you ask for it, but out of the way when it’s not needed.

Magnate Customer 6: No, I don’t think I want a robot at all. I would much prefer the smart kitchen idea, and a smart bathroom, and a smart garage. I still want to be the one in charge, who has to make everything run. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this android who can make its own decisions, and also climb stairs. You know what I mean?

Magnate Representative: I understand. Does anyone else share his sentiment?

Magnate Customer 3: I do a little.

Magnate Customer 1: Yeah, me too, but I think I could get used to a little robot friend. This is two years from now at the earliest, right? We already have smart speakers that help us manage information. I imagine the tech will become gradually more and more—shall we say—intrusive? By the time a proper robot rolls around, it probably won’t seem like much of a leap.

Magnate Representative: Ah, that’s a good segue into my next question, which is about robot companionship. Technology will one day allow us to program robot personalities, which mimic human behavior. Would you want that, or would it freak you out too much? Would you rather the machine just do what you ask, and nothing more.

Magnate Customer 6: You all know where I stand on this matter?

Magnate Customer 5: When you say robot companion, do you mean...?

Magnate Representative: We’re not talking about sex robots. I didn’t think you came back after lunch, Magnate Customer 5.

Magnate Customer 5: I’m everywhere.

Magnate Representative: Well, again, this is a family friendly company. Let’s only talk about helpful, privacy-conscious, and platonic robot assistants and/or friends.

Microstory 1354: Division (Part 1)

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Magnate Representative: Thank you all for coming in. We have some exciting things lined up for the next few years, and we wanted to get an idea of how some of our customers feel about what we’ve done so far. A little disclaimer, we chose you lot randomly. You have not necessarily spent more money on us than others. My department, in fact, does not have access to your purchase history. All we know is that you have bought at least one Magnate product or service. We also do not have access to customer complaints, or other routes for feedback. This is an entirely separate department. If you have voiced a concern about us in the past, however, and do not feel that the issue was resolved, please feel free to repeat it here. Does everyone understand?

Magnate Customers: [in unison] Yes.

Magnate Representative: Okay, to start us off, is everyone here aware that we sell products and services in the ten categories listed on this chart?

Magnate Customer 1: What exactly does Smart Solutions mean?

Magnate Representative: That is something we are going to talk about today. We’ve been picking up on some confusion regarding what that means, and would appreciate your input. Smart Solutions is our newest and broadest division. It encompasses everything from the materianet to renewable energy, to 3-D printing, to internet based cities.

Magnate Customer 2: Materianet?

Magnate Representative: It’s also known as the tangiblenet. We’re talkin’ non-screen internet-connected devices, like a refrigerator that tells you what you’ve run out of when you’re at the store, or even just a streaming security camera. Up until 2017, all divisions in this company have involved us getting into preexisting markets. We didn’t invent furniture, or toys, or cars. Smart Solutions is all about the future. Much of what that division does is determining what that future looks like, because right now, no one really knows.

Magnate Customer 3: Hm. Since it is so broad, maybe that is the best term for it, even if it causes a little confusion.

Magnate Customer 4: Maybe you could focus on marketing each department, since people already know what 3-D printing is, and all those other things. You can still use a term for the whole division, but that doesn’t have to be very client-facing.

Magnate Representative: Okay, okay. These are actually really good ideas. We’ve always advertised from the division down, but it doesn’t have to be like that. Let me take this note here.

Magnate Customer 5: Does the toy division include adult toys?

Magnate Representative: I’m sorry?

Magnate Customer 5: The toy division? Is it just for kids?

Magnate Representative: Uh...it is, sir. We do not have an adult toy department. All our products are very family-friendly.

Magnate Customer 5: Well, I bought an axe from you guys last month. Would you call that family-friendly?

Magnate Representative: I suppose not. There’s a safety issue when it comes to some of our products, like tools and vehicles. The problem with adult toys is we wouldn’t be able to keep kids from even seeing that they exist, and they’re just not part of our business strategy.

Magnate Customer 3: Speaking of which, what’s this I hear about the toy division being shut down?

Magnate Representative: I have heard those rumors too. That comes from an unfortunately leaked email from a year ago that discusses our long-term plans. With the increasing demand for virtual entertainment, physical toys may not have a place in the future. Nothing has been decided, and won’t be for at least another five years; probably longer.

Magnate Customer 3: Well, my kid is still gonna be a kid in five years.

Magnate Representative: Again, we don’t know what we’re going to do. We’re just going to listen to the market, and give our customers what they want. If enough people are like you, we will continue to provide them with fun, wholesome entertainment, like our line of dress-up kits.

Magnate Customer 5: I thought your whole thing was knowing what the future holds. You called it Smart Solutions.

Magnate Representative: That’s true, I said that, but no amount of predicting can be a hundred percent accurate. We still have to be able to adapt to unforeseen changes. But what I’m hearing is that you want us to be a little more confident in our decisions. Is that a fair assessment?

Magnate Customer 5: I don’t really know what that means, but I guess.

Magnate Representative: Okay, we can work on that. Let’s circle back to Smart Solutions later. I would like to ask you a few questions about your feelings on musical instruments. It is our least profitable division, but as you may know, it carries sentimental value to Mr. Burke, because of his grandfather. What are your thoughts on that?

[To be continued...]

Microstory 930: Writing

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As you can read in my bio, I started writing when I was thirteen years old. Before then, though, I had the sneaking suspicion that I was a good writer, and figured I would write science textbooks. In fifth grade, I half-assed a short paper about why I would never do drugs, and ended up winning a class-wide competition. Sidenote: I don’t do drugs, while it seems everyone else does, so maybe it worked. I had to read my paper aloud to an audience of other students and parents, and then they gave me a bunch of D.A.R.E swag. Then there was the fact that I rarely worked hard on my papers, and almost always received good grades for them. A couple years after I decided to switch to writing, I started thinking about my canon. I didn’t know to call it that back then, but up until that point, I had been focusing on fanfiction, in order to hone my craft. I wrote some Quantum Leap and Harry Potter stories, which have thankfully been lost by now, but it was time to try something original. I had recently returned from a trip to the Florida Keys with my Boy Scout troop, and my father. We spent a week on an island where I experienced no problems; no injuries, no fights, just fun. The beach smelled of rotten eggs, which is why I now like the smell of rotten eggs. That’s all it took to condition me. I struggled a lot with this first book, and it’s gone through a great deal of changes since then. It began as original, but I couldn’t help but find some way of connecting it to the Lord of the Rings universe. So I had to scrap it, and try again. It still wasn’t working out, so I scrapped the second draft too, and tried it a third time. I didn’t like that one either, even after ten years of this, so I buckled down, and started working on version number four, which is the one I have today. I’m looking for a literary agent to represent me, if you happen to know anyone.

While I’m glad I didn’t stick to my Lord of the Rings plan, it did make me realize that I would never be satisfied with individual stories that were completely separate from each other. I wanted to create a whole new world—or six worlds, as it were—and I wanted them to connect to each other in complicated, and sometimes subtle, ways. This too went through a number of changes, but at some point, I had a sturdy foundation, from which every story must originate. Later on, if I came up with a story that would not be internally consistent with the narrative, or even physical, laws set forth by other stories, I would have to create a new universe for it. But even that bothered me, so I invented a machine called The Crossover, which has the ability to travel between these universe, so in the end, I really do only have a single canon. Some stories are more connected than others, though. For instance, Magnate exists within a universe that allows none of the more—shall we say...unrealistic science fiction elements. People will start using it as a refuge from the craziness of time travel, ghosts, and whatnot. Anyway, I’m starting to talk about the planning of my stories, which is not what this post is about. This is about the writing itself, which I actually don’t love all that much. My fingers are in a permanent state of pain, so I can never type too long. I believe my strengths lie more with storytelling than with the narrative itself, or maybe I just feel that way because an artist’s work is never done. I would much rather come up with ideas, and micromanage every small detail of a story, then have someone else write it up for me. I believe they call people who do that producers. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like it at all. I still appreciate the feeling of typing out paragraphs, and seeing the finished product of my accomplishments. Hopefully the readers who are hopefully reading this in the future feel the same way.

Microstory 744: Credos, Convention Fourteen: Courtesy

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The child removed the penultimate canister from his neck, which was more of a ring, and smiled. He was near the end of his quest, and he was feeling good. The final canister was wide and round, perfectly shaped for a head his size. He was about to place his head inside of it when he realized how unusual that is. “The quest should be availed to all, so why is this one so small?” he asked the fish woman through the magic communication cup. “No one has gotten this far,” she answered. “The canisters know when a lesson has been truly learned. You are the first and only to understand what the stories are trying to tell you.” “That does not explain the size of this canister”, the now nearly fully-glowing child said. “The stories are long,” she replied. “You will have to hold your breath for a good while to finish this last one.” “That’s not what I asked,” he complained. “I will not give you what you ask for. You must experience it for yourself.” Seeing that he would not get a straight answer out of her, the wandering child took as deep of a breath as possible, and stuck his head into the canister, hoping this story would be quicker than the previous ones. It opened on a small shop owned by one of the nicest women you’ll ever meet. She barely made enough to stay open, and lived modestly on the second floor. This was a general store that sold a number of items that members of the community would need daily, or weekly. She struggled to maintain the business, but was dedicated to her policy of not refusing any business. If someone came in without the ability to pay full price, she would still sell it to them, at whatever cost they could afford. If someone came in with no money at all, she would give it to them for free. Her reputation was well known in the county, and people took advantage of this kindness, allowing the shopto stay open by the occasional kindness of a rich customer, who paid a little extra, and offset the overhead costs. Still, the shop owner could afford very little for herself. She had bedding that she laid upon the floor, but no bed. She had two chairs, one of which she had to use as a table. She scavenged food from nearby dumpster, and walked far away to bathe herself in a stream, because she did not have running water. Still her business stayed open, but this was about to change. A store opened across the street that ultimately forced her to close for good, because she could not compete. Though people knew they could purchase items from her for cheap, they could find so many more products at this larger store, and that was far more convenient. Eventually, people stopped entering her shop altogether, and that was that. She died just as he was born...with nothing.

Microstory 730: Credos, Convention Five: Congruence

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The fifth canister was deeper, and the wandering child had run out of hands and feet, so he stuck his whole arm into it. There was a man who owned a profitable organization. His business started out small, but grew when the demand for his product increased. One year, he decided he needed an explosion in production if he was going to be able to keep up with this demand. To accomplish this, he’d need to hire massive numbers of people, all at once. But he knew he would not be able to do this alone, and that he needed to hire the right people for the right positions, rather than simply gathering as many as possible. So at first, he focused only on building a team responsible for recruiting the rest of the factory’s labor force. This proved to be even more difficult than he thought, and was quickly becoming a bad omen for the planned hiring explosion. The recruitment team he chose argued and argued, and was unable to get any real work done. One recruiter valued experience over education, while another valued the opposite. One wanted them to all work on the recruitment together, while another wanted each of them to find their own fraction, and put them together. It would seem that they could not agree on a single thing. If the owner could not build a team to find all the other teams, how was he ever going to reach his business goals? This should have been the easy part. Overhearing his complaints at a bar, a woman he had not met before approached the owner, and offered her services. She claimed to know how to build the perfect team. “You have hired the best recruiters you could find, correct?” she asked. “Yes, of course,” he replied. “I only want the best.” “Well, that is your problem,” she said. “Just because they have had the most success independently, does not mean they will be successful together. Their ideals are incongruous. You must find people with not only the same goals as each other, but also the same as you. The team must be able to work together. Even a group of amateurs can come to great things when afforded the opportunity, if they find a way to work well together. The owner of the business let all of his new employees go, and instead searched for people who were a little more like him. And the business grew.

Microstory 583: New Home Hair Management Products

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One thing that everyone deals with is their hair, whether it be the lack there of it, or that it’s too long, or just its general unruliness. While other companies are working on trying to cure cancer, or develop faster supersonic passenger aircraft, one has decided to help with something a little simpler. Antubian Product Co. has created a so-called revolutionary new product line that claims to provide for everyone’s hair needs, whatever they may be. This line involves multiple kinds of products, to be used differently, and sometimes in tandem. A series of microinjections, for instance, can (oversimplistically speaking) jumpstart hair follicles, and engender growth. The irony in this is that the device only works once the subject has first been shaved in all desired areas. Another subsection of products gives its user command of the color of their hair. While traditional dyes have taken time and effort, the new Antibus shampoo goes in during a shower, and is complete by the time you get out to dry. Other products can shorten, and even restyle, your haircut at will through static charges and texturizing gels. Antubian, Inc. has had a colorful past. It began as a scrap metal broker before becoming an entertainment company. It then abruptly transitioned into a pulp fiction publisher, spent a brief amount of time as a ‘supernatural threat eradicator”—where it was tried in court for fraud, until finally landing in the car restoration industry. It has spent the last seven years restoring antique and classic vehicles up to working condition, with as much retention of the original operating functions as possible. It has only been in the hair business for the last seven months, but has already come up with an impressive array of products. Whether any one of these products actually works is something that still needs confirmation from our field reporters. As mercurial as founder and Chief Vision Officer, Lovro Antubi has been known to be, his ventures have proven to be largely legitimate. There is even evidence that his supernatural phase may have shown some level of merit. As time goes on, Antubi tends to move on from one project in favor of another. Instead of selling, or even spinning off each company to start another, he simply sells the patents and intellectual property themselves, and begins to focus on something new. Join us next week when our field testers release their analyses and reviews of the new Antubian haircare line.

Microstory 437: Floor 5 (Part 1)

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Only two of us work here in the mailroom of the Analion headquarters. In the last mailroom I worked, there were too many people. We spent a lot of time doing nothing, having all been hired using a business model they last updated way back in 2016. We could go for days with literally nothing to do. There just isn’t as much of a need for mail delivery as there used to be. Things are the polar opposite at Analion. The amount of interoffice mail they send each other is ridiculous. Of course, I’m not allowed to read the mail, but I bet they could just email at least half of what they send out. It’s not just them, though. They get mail from all over the country, and throughout some of the world. I don’t understand why these people insist on killing trees just for basic correspondence. It’s true that the circular nature of the floor makes delivery rather simple, but there are still forty-two freaking stories. I have to walk every single one of them while my partner has to sort through every piece of mail to figure out where it belongs. And why the hell are we on the fifth floor? It just means we have to go downstairs and sign for large deliveries. They’ll come upstairs for one or two parcels, but no more than that. We need more people, but I can’t ask them for that. Everybody’s running around dealing with their scandal. It was horrible to hear about the deaths, but not very surprising. If they manufacture windows as poorly as they hire mail associates, no wonder people are dying. I’m sick of this either way. I just need to find the money to get myself into college. I hate to leave my partner alone, but I have to do what’s best for me. If he doesn't agree to leave as well, then he’ll either have to handle it on his own, or risk training a new employee without any help.

Microstory 436: Floor 6 (Part 1)

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Ever since the company I contract with found out that some of their products might have been responsible for a few deaths, gym attendance has dropped dramatically. I am the in-house trainer and recreational manager. The entire sixth floor is dedicated to health and well-being. Most of the employees who came here didn’t need full exercise lessons, but they liked that I was around to give them advice. Most organizations with exercise rooms just have machines laid out with no one in charge of them. My half-brother works here as an administrative assistant, and suggested I lobby for a position that didn’t exist. I had never done anything like that before, but I have the right personality to put myself out there and take a risk. Our mother helped me come up with a pitch, and well, here I am. I absolutely love working here. In fact, if I ever won the lottery, I doubt I would quit. It’s much more laid back than my job as a regular trainer at a gym franchise. I didn’t hate it there, and I did earn better pay, but here I’m in charge. I get to decide what I do with my day. I make it easier on my clients by wiping off equipment for them, and even cleaning up their trash. I chose these duties to help relieve their stress, which is the whole point of exercise. Well, that’s not its only purpose, but mental health is important. That’s why it’s so frustrating that people have stopped coming by. It would really help them get through their problems. If they would just trust the system, their lives would be better. I’m thinking about developing some kind of program to encourage exercise. I don’t know what it would be; maybe a step-tracker contest. It just has to get people to think about enriching and maintaining their lives.

Microstory 435: Floor 7 (Part 1)

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We here in quality management do a lot more work than anyone else. We keep watch over the entire process of building a product. We make sure designs work on paper, then we test them under controlled conditions, then we keep track of customer complaints. We should have been the first to hear about the window deaths, but we weren’t. Instead, the survivors of the deaths got together and went to the media, and the whole thing blew up in everybody’s face. If the first time it happened, we had been notified, we could have done something about it. I see no real proof that Analion is at all at fault here, but if we are, then we should have been given the opportunity to correct the mistake. That was the real problem. Yeah, maybe a few products are defective, but if no one tells us about it, how are we supposed to know? I know what you’re thinking; that finding that out is our job. And it is, but we don’t test for real-world conditions. We have no control over what the installers we contract out do, or how the end users mishandle the products. That is, unless we are appropriately notified of any problems. They say it can’t be an installer mistake, because there were multiple installers. That doesn’t mean anything. They could have each installed the windows incorrectly, who knows? Who knows is right, we may never know. A logical protocol for communication wasn’t followed, and so the truth may remain hidden forever. I wish things could have turned out differently, but my scope is only so wide. I rely on the hard work and competence of everyone around me. That’s how the world works, though, doesn’t it? We are all beholden to each other. I better go recite to serenity prayer before I get myself worked up much more.

Microstory 434: Floor 8 (Part 1)

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I’m a blue collar worker in a white collar building. Most people here get to wear nice clothes and turn their noses up at us. I used to manufacture standard products for Analion at our main factory, but they’ve promoted me to custom work at the new headquarters. We’ve barely done anything here yet. The windows that people fell out of were made before the new HQ was ready, which means it was necessarily before my promotion. Still I’ve received a lot of blame for the deaths. I know, a lot of people are saying the same thing but it is no truer for anyone else than it is for me. I keep telling people that I’m new here, but that doesn’t matter to them. Everybody wants to blame somebody else. Is one department at fault for it, I’m sure I don’t know how it could be anything else, but it can’t be me. I don’t care who gets in trouble for it, but it just cannot be me. I’m in such a tough spot here. I sort of feel like my superiors knew about the problems before anyone else did, and they brought me in as their scapegoat. The most obvious source of blame is always the one closest to the issue. I and the other machinists are the last to see a window before it goes out to the world. Since each incident was under the control of a different installer, the natural conclusion is that product development did something wrong. And I want to stress that this may actually be the right call, but again, I wasn’t always here. Please, leave me out of it. I’m perfectly innocent, I tell you...innocent. Man, I really need to get back to the factory. I had no idea how much I would hate it here.

Microstory 433: Floor 9 (Part 1)

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Let me tell you a little bit about what we do. First, there’s a commission. There must be a need for a new product, or a call for more production of something we already make. If it’s new, then a designer will start figuring out how it will work, consulting with engineers to make sure it doesn’t fall apart. Then Research and Development gets their hands on it and starts asking us to build prototypes for them. They then send it through rigorous testing to make sure it does what it’s supposed to do. In our case, we make mostly doors and windows, so they really just need to worry about whether it can withstand a certain level of strain and other damage. Once they find out what works—and they usually go through a few cycles to accomplish this—they send the finished design to me. I run product development. All we do is calibrate the machines and crank out the product as much as necessary. We do a lot of custom jobs at headquarters. We maintain a couple satellite locations that handle our standard products. Most doorways are about the same, so we don’t develop significantly new designs, but windows are different. They come in all shapes and sizes, and are utilized for various purposes. This is why we can’t blame a satellite facility for the windows that caused deaths. Not only were they custom jobs, but they were also rush jobs. We went through the process at a faster rate than they normally do. Once it gets to us, we don’t pay attention to what it is. All we do is make what we’re asked to make. The floor I work on is primarily offices, and we handle the software side. We feed the specifications into the program, and it determines how to get the machines to manufacture what we want. So you see, it’s impossible for us to have had anything to do the products being faulty. We just do what we’re told. Maybe talk to the engineers.

Microstory 432: Floor 10 (Part 1)

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I work on the lower floor of the Research and Development department. Why this company needs two floors of labs, and one of offices, for only R&D is something I couldn’t explain to you. Things are far too spread out, and we’ve hired far too many people. In fact, too many people work at Analion in general. It is not a healthy way to conduct business. First of all, you’re spending too much money of labor. Secondly, all of my coworkers are stupid. If I extrapolate my personal experiences across every floor, it would turn out that we’re composed of at least 80% morons. That is, unless you examine only the executives and board of directors on the higher floors. If you do that, you’ll come to a cool figure of 100% moron. As soon as I started working here, I felt like the smartest person on the planet. I mean, there’s the scientific method, and then there’s doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting different results. Is my department at fault for Windowgate? Eh, probly. We break a lot of things here. Applying enough stress on any object will always ultimately result in its destruction. Nothing is impervious to force. So if we scrapped every project that couldn’t withstand a nuclear bomb, then we would get nowhere. We sent products down the line that eventually made their way to customers’ homes or businesses that ended up killing them. Sorry. I would like to take the blame for it, but I can’t. I told you that I work with idiots, and I can’t stop them from making mistakes. I know I sound like I’m making excuses, but whatever. I wipe my hands clean. I can’t feel remorse for something I didn’t do. If you don’t like it, you can take it up with my superiors. I consider them responsible for everything anyway.

Microstory 431: Floor 11 (Part 1)

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I’ve always loved my job in the Research and Development labs, and I never made any effort to be promoted. I was recently hired at Analion in a leadership position, but this is as far as I want to go. If I’m promoted from here, I'll have to move permanently into an office, and I have zero interest in that. If you look at my little cubicle right now, you would think it’s just a storage area. I feel safe and comfortable around all the dangerous objects, even though we don’t have much of that here. My last job used a lot of corrosive chemicals and other hazardous materials, so this is pretty tame by those standards. They were a legal nightmare, so I would’ve hated a full time office position even more. My boss there was always under a great deal of stress. She was constantly having to worry about someone getting hurt…or worse. It’s weird that I spent all that time with deadly poison, and it’s just windows that are the major problems here at my new job. Nothing happened in the labs, but out in the field. I have no idea what went wrong because that was before my time, but had I been around, I promise we wouldn’t have been on the brink of any lawsuits. One thing my previous boss taught me was how to be careful and slow. In all honesty, though, safety precautions were of a higher priority. Analion, I’m starting to see, doesn’t care so much about all that. From what I gather, I can’t be surprised that one of our products lead to deaths. They’re far more interested in speed than quality. They think this is efficiency, but it’s not. Efficiency is the balance between speed and accuracy. If they had just slowed down, I bet things would have been fine. I suppose I’m doing a great job of convincing myself that I should quit before things get real bad. I’m going to contact my old boss who went off and started her own business. Analion is not the place for me, and I think she would understand that and give me a chance to get on the ground floor.

Microstory 430: Floor 12 (Part 1)

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We are called Production, people...Production. We are not the same thing as Construction. I tell ya what’s ironic, though; I’ve spent years reminding people that our two departments do totally different things. Now all these reports come in of people dying from our products, and for the first time, I’m glad people think they should blame construction. I know I should feel bad about it, and also that it won’t last forever, but I just feel lucky to still have my job. To be honest, I couldn’t tell you what went wrong. I’ve been analyzing the situation during my own little investigation, but I’ve so far come up with nothing. The designs appear to be flawless. I’ve not been having trouble with any of my developers on the production floor. I’ve even looked into regional installation contractors, and they seem fine. I guess I can only go so far, though. If I rock the boat too much, I paint a target on my back. It has to have something to do with us, though. People are saying the windows were marketed poorly, or that we weren’t allotted he right materials, but that’s impossible. First of all, people know what windows are. I don’t believe this could be customer error; that’s utterly ridiculous, and insulting to the human race. If we had problems with resources, then fine. But that doesn’t explain why a bad product ended up in the market in the first place. It must be quality management. That’s the only explanation. Everyone could have done everything wrong; created a window that shatters when a butterfly lands on it. But no matter what, quality management should have stopped it. That’s their bloody job. I must investigate more.

Microstory 429: Floor 14 (Part 1)

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I worked very hard to get out of the labs, and into this office. I’m sure you hear Research and Development, and you think that it sounds exciting. Why, we must be blowing things up and getting into other crazy situations every week! No, it’s boring, and this is as it should be. We would be shut down by the health department, or some other government division, if we experienced such things on a regular basis. No, we do some experimentation, but this is no chemical lab. We mostly try to figure out what kinds of materials work well together, and which combinations to avoid. We try various glass thickness, and new shapes. We test strength against wind and other trauma. It might have started out fun, but throwing rocks at triple pane windows gets old pretty quickly. I also don’t really like dangerous situations. Even though we take all necessary precautions, I feel much safer in the office, on a different floor. This new headquarters we built is a major problem, though. The lab  technicians need a nice, open, rectangular space. This doughnut shape we got going on is just awkward. The atrium that runs almost all the way up sure is purty, but sure is completely impractical for our needs. I tried to voice my concerns to the construction department, but hell if they ever listen. Far be it for them to take input from anyone else. If they had it their way, the whole company would be absorbed and digested into their one department. They don’t think the rest of us need to exist at all, and would sooner see us gone than admit that it takes a village. I’m about to go upstairs to lobby the president to transfer the R&D labs back to where we were before. I know everybody’s really busy with all this scandal, but I can’t think about that right now. Let the lawyers handle it. We have to move on with business as usual. If they call me up for a deposition, or witness testimony, or whatever, then I’ll deal with it. I don’t see the point in worrying so much about things that have already happened.

Microstory 428: Floor 15 (Part 1)

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While the company has always participated in some level of contracting, it has always focused more on its door and window business. We recently built ourselves a new headquarters in order to show the public that we are interested in growing that side of things. Things were looking up, and we were in early negotiations with several potential clients, but then reports came out that people have started dying, or becoming seriously injured, as a direct result of our products. I’m not trying to throw my coworkers under the bus, but there is no doubt in my mind that Analion is responsible. No one would have made the connection between these disparate incidents if there wasn’t one. Of course, this scandal did a fine job of halting all progress we made with hopeful clients. I can’t exactly blame all that on another department to get them back to the table, can I? As long as I work here, I represent the organization as a whole, and I’m bound to protect all of its interests, even when they conflict with each other. My initial thought on a solution would be to amputate every department involved with windows, including product development and current marketing structure. We should distance the successful branches from the unsuccessful ones, and then rebuild ourselves with entirely new teams. I know that sounds harsh, and a lot of people will lose their jobs, but we have to do something to save the company. We have to show our clients that we can still help them; that we own up to our mistakes, and that we have taken care of the problem. I don’t know for sure if this will help, but I do know that cowering behind lawyers, denial, and “no comment”s isn’t going to do any good. Other companies have tried that, and their public image, if not permanently ruined, takes years to recover. I’m right now mustering the courage to head upstairs and discuss this with the president. He’s a reasonable person, and would be the only one I have any hope of getting through to. Wish me luck.