Developer: I’ve had enough of your bullshit, Researcher.
Researcher: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell did I do?
Developer: It’s what you didn’t do. And also what you did. What you didn’t do is take any responsibility for our department.
Researcher: I ain’t responsible for dat ish.
Developer: We’re not saying that you’re at fault for all of it, but I just read this report. You blame literally everyone else in the department, and you don’t have the nicest things to say about the other departments either. You use the word moron a lot.
Researcher: How did you get your hands on that? It’s supposed to be confidential.
Developer: No, it’s not. These went to me. I’m your boss.
Researcher: Oh. [...] Well I didn’t know that.
Developer: And if you had, you would have...what? Written something other than what you felt?
Researcher: Probably.
Developer: Why don’t I believe you?
Researcher: I couldn’t tell you.
Developer: Might it have something to do with the fact that you’ve been gunning for my job since you got here. You goddamn millennials think you’re so friggin’ entitled. Not only have you not earned my title, but you also didn’t even pretend like you’re good at what you do. You just try to sabotage everyone around you...even people who work under you. What the hell is your problem?
Researcher: I won’t apologize for being better than you.
Developer: And you shouldn’t.
Researcher: Yep.
Developer: BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT!
Researcher: Here’s what’s gonna happen, buckaroo. Now that Alpha’s dead, the board will take control of the company. They’re going to be making a lot of changes around here, just to keep the company afloat. They haven’t figured out whether some random intern made some random mistake that led to all our problems. And they never will, because no one is smart enough to see that causality chain. What they will do, however, is fix this department. But they won’t fire me, because why would they do that? Like you said, you’re the boss, you’re the one who’s responsible for the rest of us, and it is you who will take the fa—why are you laughing?
Developer: Oh sorry, it’s just funny. Everything you’re saying. You think you know how this is gonna go down. You think you “get” how this works. But you know nothing. You’re so clueless.
Researcher: I am, so what am I missing?
Developer: The thirteenth floor. That’s what you’re missing. Oh, look at that cute little puppy dog face. You’re so confused.
Researcher: There is no thirteenth floor.
Developer: That’s exactly right. I don’t need this job. All I have to go is move my office up there, and I’m safe.
Researcher: How’s that?
Developer: That’s for me to know, and you to die never knowing. Research this, asshole.
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