Showing posts with label words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 31, 2024

Microstory 2312: A Great Audience

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Hello, it’s Kelly again. Welcome to the last post ever. I hope that it lives up to your expectations, but there’s only so much I can do. Nick was a very important part of a lot of people’s lives, including my own, but I recognize that others have their own personal experiences. That was kind of the original idea behind the Forum Memorial, but I suppose that the comment section serves that purpose too. Beyond that, I wanted to thank Jasmine for taking the time to express her final thoughts before this site comes to a close. It was really nice to hear from her again, wasn’t it, folks? Moving on, I was planning on just sort of shutting myself away from the world after this, but my friends have suggested that I keep things alive in a new way. People have evidently responded well to my contributions, even before Nick went away forever, so I do want to continue in some capacity, but before I get into that, you should know that this blog is still ending. It was never really mine, and I want my own space on the web. Stay subscribed to Nick’s social media accounts, where I’ll let you know how to keep following along, if you want. I think this is the right way to do it. All of you subscribed to hear from him, or at least about him. It wouldn’t be fair for me to sort of usurp this whole audience for my own gain. I should have to start over, and you can choose to follow me on the other side, or not. I won’t blame you if you don’t. I would rather know that everyone is there because they want to be, not because they forgot to fully unsubscribe from this site. So, there it is. It’s over. As they say, it’s been a hell of a ride, so far, but it’s not truly over. This version of Earth kept spinning after Nick and Dutch died, and will continue doing just that even when every single one of us follows in their footsteps. These words, though...the blog updates, the book, the musical; they could live on forever. Alienoid ultrahumans five billion years from now might be enjoying what we’ve created over the last 365 days. That goes for everyone, with your own accounts, storing your own original thoughts. It’s crazy to think about it this way, but it’s comforting too. You can all live forever if you do something with your lives. It doesn’t have to be huge, or mind-blowing. You don’t even have to become famous. You just have to have something to say, and a means of recording it. Thank you again for being here, and participating in the global discourse. I wouldn’t call us boring at all, and I think Nick would have changed his mind about that by now. Signing off for the last time here. I’ve been Kelly Serna...and you’ve been a great audience.

Tuesday, September 3, 2024

Microstory 2227: Die Eventually Too

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The hospital board has come to a decision. Well, it’s a compromise, really. Since Nick is terminal, and all that we can really do for him is keep him comfortable, and safe from secondary infections, he will be allowed to return home for the time being. He and I will not be alone, though. While I’ll continue to live there, and be available 24/7, a nurse will be coming in every morning for a ten-hour shift. I can provide him with his basic needs, but there are some things that I can’t do, and I think that the hospital wants to cover all the bases. There is no additional cost for this service. It’s a sort of compensation for the generous contributions to science that he’s making by donating his still living body now, and his deceased body in the future. We shall see how it goes, though I’m pretty optimistic about it. This is only a tentative plan, though. If something goes wrong while I’m here, but the nurse is not—or even if the nurse is here too—then they might move him to the hospital for good. The sad thing is that something bad probably will happen eventually. This is all about putting off the inevitable, which may make you wonder, why not just go ahead and check in now, just to be safe? Well, if we surrender to that, why don’t you check into the hospital right now, because you’re going to die eventually too. Life is about living it, and everyone has the right to determine for themselves what that means, and where to do it. Yes, he’ll likely have no choice but to get a room eventually, but why lower his morale now when we have the ability to maintain his high spirits? Anyway, he’s having some trouble speaking these days, but he’s found ways to vocalize his thoughts to me, even while he struggles, so I think I’m going to be able to use his words for tomorrow’s posts.

Tuesday, August 27, 2024

Microstory 2222: Magical Light of Some Higher Being

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Yes, it’s true, I’m back. Hello, my name is Nick Fisherman IV, and I am not from this world. I came here against my will, but I have since given up on any attempt to escape. I’ve suffered from infections, infections, and more infections. I’ve been homeless, on the run, in jail, set free, and hired for a huge job. I’ve gained everything I ever wanted out of my career only to watch it slip from my hands as my tremors got worse by the day. I’m not even typing this out myself. My lifecare assistant, Kelly has to do it for me. Some might not believe it, because she could theoretically write whatever she wants, and I wouldn’t be able to stop her, but I assure you that this is really and truly me. She’s been instructed to transcribe everything that I say, word for word, whether it makes sense to her or not. One day, this disease might start taking over my higher cognitive functions, but for now, my symptoms are all irrelevant. Well, they’re not irrelevant, of course, but they don’t prevent me from thinking, and my thoughts are all that I have ever been. So as long as I still think like me, I’m me, and as long as there is a chance that some part of me is still in there—even everything else is dead—then I still consider myself to be alive. I’m full code, so keep my heart beating until the money runs out. I’ve always felt this way, even before I had heard of DNRs, and all that stuff. My life is defined by a resting state of suffering and discomfort, with a little bit of happiness sprinkled in occasionally. So don’t worry about how I’ll feel about it when I’m hooked up and reliant upon life support machines, and hanging by a thread. I still want to stay in this world, even though it’s the wrong one. I’ve never believed in the afterlife, because honestly, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Death is about the most ridiculous method you could use to be transported from one plane of existence to another, and anyone who believes in life after death is only fooling themselves. When we die, our bodies decompose, our consciousnesses lose coherence, and our souls recede. We don’t “go” somewhere else to start over, or even more absurdly, to live for eternity in the magical light of some higher being. You only think that that’s possible because someone with a grand imagination dreamt it up, not because we have any evidence that anything like that exists anywhere. The arrogance you must have to not be able to tell the difference between reality and your headcanon. I better end it here. Kelly is scolding me for not being nice. I’m told that people are entitled to their beliefs, as if stupid beliefs only affect the people who are clinging onto them, and haven’t caused all kinds of violence and pain in the world. Maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you about what I’ve been up to, instead of depressing you with my unglamorous philosophical position.

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Microstory 2072: Turtles

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Yesterday was a long one, wasn’t it? I usually find it harder to talk about myself than to write about fictional characters. I can always keep making things up about them, but it’s not so simple with my real life. But Nick, you claim that your stories are real, and you’re just relating them on your website. Yes, I did say that, didn’t I? It’s sort of a chicken or the egg situation. Except that there’s an obvious answer for that conundrum. A chicken can’t exist unless it was born from an egg, and an egg can’t exist unless it was laid by a chicken, right? That’s the whole thing, which of course ignores how evolution works. So all things being equal, the answer is that the chicken came first since a chicken can survive on its own, but an egg needs to be protected. That’s its advantage for the best answer. I came up with this when I was a little kid, and I’ve yet to hear anyone else make the same argument. Now, you may be wondering why the title of this post is Turtles when it appears to be more about chickens and eggs. That’s because I didn’t want to come up with a title for it, and I always use Turtle as a placeholder until I think of something else. You see, I write these in a word processor, so I can organize them how I like, and then copy each one over to my blog when it’s ready. I have to do a lot of formatting to make it look right, which takes nearly as much time as the writing itself. I tell you, it’s exhausting. Oh, why, do you ask, is Turtle the placeholder? It kind of sounds like the word title. Don’t overthink it. I’m not that complex. For the body of the story, until I’m ready to write it, I use Something.

Friday, August 11, 2023

Microstory 1950: Favorite Chaps

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Myka: What do you think of this one?
Leonard: For me?
Myka: Yeah. It has really good battery life, and a fast processor.
Leonard: Do they just make phones with buttons for dialing phone numbers?
Myka: You don’t want to be able to text?
Leonard: Yeah, in my world, the numbered buttons have letters too.
Myka: Oh my God, you calgian. It takes forever to text that way. If you want something simpler, we can do that. But no friend of mine is gonna have a brick, or even a candybar.
Leonard: What the heck is a calgian?
Myka: You don’t have calgians? They hate all technology. I think the original term sprouted from a movement a long time ago of people whose loved ones were killed by the first horseless carriages, or something like that.
Leonard: Oh, we call those people hoobliers.
Myka: That’s a weird word. Anyway; scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. What about this one?
Leonard: When I was staying at the hotel on the government’s dime, I didn’t have to pay for anything, but I could still see the prices. Based on my understanding of the value of your dollar—which is different from what I’m used to—that is still a lot of money.
Myka: I can afford it.
Leonard: Whether you can afford it or not is not the problem. It’s whether I can afford to pay you back. The offer from the Office of Special Investigations did not come with a rate of pay, and I still don’t even know if I’m going to accept it.
Myka: This isn’t a loan, Leonard. It’s a gift.
Leonard: You don’t have to do that.
Myka: I want to. I don’t need a new job; I’m doing okay for myself as I am.
Leonard: What do you do for a living? I don’t know if you ever said.
Myka: I work in a room full of remotely accessed computers and servers. I don’t have technical expertise, but if someone who’s working from home needs their machine to be turned back on, or something else goes wrong that requires physical access, they send me a message, and I handle it. I also ship and receive their home devices.
Leonard: Oh, that’s interesting.
Myka: It’s not. Things don’t go wrong often. Luckily, it allows me to watch TV all day.
Leonard: Once when I was struggling to find a job, my father gave me the best advice I’ve ever heard. The goal for those who don’t have any special skill or passion should be a job that gives them the most amount of money for the least amount of work.
Myka: That is interesting. [...] Anyway, let me get this for you, okay? I think you may find yourself using the features more than you think. Don’t feel bad about the money. I need to know that you’ll be available at any time. Plus, you’ll be able to install SatChapp.
Leonard: All right, I won’t feel bad. Thanks, Myka. And what is SatChapp?
Myka: It’s an app that lets you track your friends via satellite. SatChapp, the sat app for your favorite chaps. There’s a jingle that goes with it. Here, I’ll look it up on VidChapp.
Leonard: I’m one of your favorite chaps?
Myka: *giggling* Shut up. Of course you are.

Friday, July 14, 2023

Microstory 1930: Rights of the Accused

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Junior Special Investigator: Leonard Miazga?
Leonard: Yes, that’s me. Do you work at the Office of Special Investigations?
Jr. Investigator: That’s not for you to know. All you need to know is that you are under arrest under special extenuating circumstances. Under the Alsten Act, according to Provision 83 of Special Investigations Code One, I hereby detain you for the defense of national security. You are not entitled to representation, and must comply with all demands, and answer all questions. All crimes committed prior to this moment, including those seemingly unrelated to the current accusations, as well as any crimes committed following this moment, shall be taken under consideration when considering judgment, punishment, or any other outcome of your circumstances. Do you understand everything I’ve informed you of today?
Leonard: Not really.
Jr. Investigator: Sir.
Leonard: What’s the Alsten Act?
Jr. Investigator: Sir, please.
Leonard: Please tell me that you recited those words verbatim, and that you didn’t try to regurgitate it using your own words.
Jr. Investigator: We are required to recite your status and rights in the eyes of federal law in order to detain you properly, using the exact same words as they are written and approved by the Office of the National Commander.
Leonard: So when I say that the words were repetitive, nonsensical, and just overall ridiculous, you won’t take personal offense?
Jr. Investigator: No, sir.
Leonard: Are you required to address me as sir?
Jr. Investigator: No.
Leonard: Then just call me Leonard, or Leo.
Jr. Investigator: Sir...Leo, I require you to state in no uncertain terms that you understand your rights as I have listed them for you.
Leonard: You mean the rights that have been stripped from me? Yeah, I guess so.
Jr. Investigator: [...]
Leonard: I mean, yes, I unequivocally understand them perfectly, fully, and perfectly.
Jr. Investigator: I’m going to have to place these handcuffs on you, but you may retrieve a coat, and drape it over your arms to remain inconspicuous.
Leonard: I don’t have a coat. It was summer on my world when I came here, and it’s summer now. I don’t exactly have a credit card to recreate my wardrobe. Besides, I’ve seen that before as a bystander, and let me tell ya, the coat trick ain’t foolin’ no one.
Jr. Investigator: Very well, sir—Leonard. I’ll leave the cuffs rather loose, as long as you promise not to make any attempt at escape.
Leonard: I promise to not try to escape. I’ll get this all sorted out at OSI.
Jr. Investigator: Uh...one more thing.
Leonard: Yes?
Jr. Investigator: Once we get into the car, you’re gonna have to wear a hood.

Friday, December 31, 2021

Microstory 1790: Mateo Daily

First off, I probably could have figured out how to squeeze in one more constellation to round out the year, but I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about my plans for next year. I’m going to be doing something wildly different with my macroseries, The Advancement of Mateo Matic. So far, I’ve mostly been writing one installment per week. The first one didn’t come out until the middle of March in my first year, so it only has 42 installments. In fact, I actually doubled up on one day, because I hate the number 41. The next year was pretty normal, but the third year, while there were 53 Sundays, I still only did 52 installments, because I skipped a week for narrative reasons. Ever since then, though, I’ve been able to keep to a steady routine of 52 installments per year. That is all about to change, but not permanently. Everything will hold to convention for the first 24 weeks. Mateo’s story will continue as you would expect, year by year. So too will my current Saturday mezzofiction series, Extremus. I have two microfiction series lined up as well. The first is a return to my Vantage Points multiseries, which will give way to 14 original sonnets. I’m scared about that last one, but hopefully I’ll come up with some good stuff by then. The last sonnet will post on June 10. The last entry in the second volume of Extremus will post on June 11. A new installment for TAMM will be on June 12, but I’m not yet sure how long it’s going to be, or whether the official changeover will happen the following day, where you will find...another installment of The Advancement of Mateo Matic. The next day, there will be another, and then another, and so on.

Throughout the rest of the year, I’ll only be posting TAMM stories. No mezzofiction, and no microfiction. Though, because expecting myself to write 2,000 words—give or take—every day is unreasonable, they will be shorter than usual. I’ll probably do at least 600 words, but I’m not sure yet. I’m not holding myself to anything that restrictive. Each one will take place a day after the last, as we follow Mateo and the team through their latest adventures. They’ll probably be more subdued, and less intense. They’ll probably be family-oriented, with less action. They might read like diary entries. Again, I don’t know yet. I have to get to that point before I really know where the story is going. I serve the story, not the other way around. There is a reason why the team will fall off their pattern, and a reason why it will last them a full year, but I’ve decided to not give that away just yet. If I had chosen to start this in January, I might have said something, but since it’s so far out, I call that a spoiler. This new posting method will continue until the middle of July 2023 when I start a new microfiction series called Conversations, and begin volume 3 of Extremus. I will also get back to the weekly installments of TAMM, and while the story will continue to evolve, I presently have no intentions of altering the posting schedule further. I think I messed up the math, so we’ll see what it looks like when I finish working on the calendar, but I’m sure it will be fine. Speaking of math, I came up with this in my first year, before I had tampered with Mateo’s pattern, so this felt like a much more dramatic change. Since then, he and Leona haven’t always jumped forwards each day anyway. Still, I’m excited, and I hope you are too. This started as a working title, but it’s the best I’ve come up with. I’m obviously calling it...Mateo Daily.

Friday, December 3, 2021

Microstory 1770: Net Loss

I’ve always been a terrible person, who treats others poorly, and only looks out for himself. I don’t like that about myself, but no one understands how hard it is to change. I keep trying to do better, but when I think of something nice to say, it gets stuck inside my head, while a bunch of malice comes out instead. One of my therapists and I worked out the metaphor. There’s a golden net on the top of my throat. It catches all the pretty things that people want to hear, and what I wish I could say to them. These pleasantries are larger, as they should be, but it means that they can’t escape. The smaller, meaner, bits of darkness can slip out easily. After deciding to look at it this way, we began to work on ways to make me easier to work with. Before I respond to someone about something, I’m meant to force myself to smile. This apparently should stretch out the golden net so much that it breaks, and lets out all the goodness I supposedly have inside me. Well, I’ve never been able to break it, but the stretching helps a little. It opens up the holes just a little more, allowing some of the smaller pretty words to get out sometimes. It’s not enough for the Catholic church to canonize me as a saint, but I guess I would call it a start. Sadly, that’s not my only problem anyway. My biggest issue is how I behave, not just what I say to people. Sociopaths and psychopaths say charming things all the time, but if they still act selfishly, or even hurt people, it’s not really good, is it? Altering my instincts to stop just taking what I want without regard to others is going to be the biggest thing I’ve ever tried, and I don’t think I can do it alone. So here I am at this spa, upon the recommendation of one of my therapist’s other patients. They can reportedly turn anyone into a nice person. I feel like I’ve seen this movie before.

I sit on the table in the exam room. The woman who ushered me in here ordered me to remove my clothes. She took them all with her, and never provided a gown. I thought maybe it was an oversight, but when the...I guess, doctor comes in, she’s not fazed, so I guess this is how it goes. She looks me over from the door, quite clinically; not sexually, nor critically. She reaches up, and turns a dial on her glasses, like she’s seeing me through multiple filtered lenses. Once she’s satisfied with her readings, she steps over to a computer terminal on the wall, and begins to input the data. I don’t say a word. She’s the one leading this hoedown, so I wait for her. When she’s finished, she walks back over to the door with a clicker, which she uses to retract the floor. I try not to freak out, but I’m rather confident that the exam table is safe. It stops short of it, like I figured, but I’m stuck up here. It’s a surprisingly large room. There’s no way I would be able to make the jump. The maybe-doctor gives me a choice. I can wait 30 seconds, and walk out of here on the floor with a full refund, or I can take a literal leap of faith, and fix my life. With no context, she leaves. I peer over the edge, and see a beautiful glow emanating from below. My eyes adjust and I realize it’s a net. It’s a golden net. Am I dreaming? Am I just living in the metaphor? This can’t be real, it doesn’t look real. So I jump. I jump belly first. My body lands in the net, and it gives just enough to keep it from hurting. I bounce a little before it returns to equilibrium, and then I’m just lying there. Not for long, though, before I begin to feel skin ooze off my bones. It’s like the net is melting me, except it doesn’t hurt, and I’m not scared. I fall all the way through; not all of me, though; just the best parts, leaving behind only the garbage that once weighed down my soul.

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Microstory 1768: Father Stern

Turtle; beach. Fun; nothing. Money; drain. Father; stern. That’s interesting. I never really thought of my father as being stern. Is that really what my subconscious thinks of him? I take a moment to reflect on my life, completely ignoring whatever my therapist is saying now. He could be talking about the same thing, or he could be prompting me with more word associations, but I’m stuck in my own head. He should have thought about that before we started playing this game. The whole reason I’m in here is because I have trouble concentrating on the real world. I can tell the difference between what’s real, and what’s not, but I don’t much care for the former. It’s much easier to pretend I’m living in a fantasy; a world that I can shape to my needs. I don’t like to rely on others, because they’ll only disappoint me. Disappointing; mother. So now I’m just playing the game by myself. Has my mother been a disappointment? She’s certainly not my favorite person in the world, but I love her, and I appreciate everything she’s done for me. What was she supposed to do, order my father to stop making me practice the clarinet for four hours a day. She did the best she could with me and my brother, and so did my father. Brother; escape. Yeah, he was always smarter than me, so he was able to get a scholarship for a college on the other side of the country. I didn’t even bother applying, because the application fee would have been the same as flushing it down the toilet. Meanwhile, he stayed out there, and never has to come back. When the time comes—and it’s coming soon—I’ll be the one still here, having to take care of the parents. They’re going to resent me for it, and he’s going to act like sending a couple hundred dollars a month is contribution enough. He’s rich now, I don’t know why he doesn’t send more. No, this is a stupid stray thought. We don’t need anything from him.

Nothing; fun. That was a weird response too, don’t you think? Why don’t I find anything fun? It’s not even true. I love going...well, I guess I’m tired of that. What about...no, I was never very good. I guess it’s true that I don’t like to have fun. What kind of person feels that way? Suicidal, I suppose. I’ve never given it much thought, but am I secretly at risk of doing something to hurt myself? No, that can’t be right. A lot of people don’t have fun, but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy being alive. Fun is an interpretation of an experience, and is not a synonym for happiness. Still, I’m probably not really happy either, which I imagine, is why my wife left me. Wife; disappointed. Wow, how’s that for an Oedipus complex? I’m disappointed in my mother, and my ex-wife is disappointed in me. Does that mean I married myself, though? That doesn’t sound right. That would say more about her own poor choices, and she has her own psychology to deal with, with her own therapist. Therapist; uninspired. Whew, that’s rough. Why don’t you tell us how you really feel, self? It’s true, I don’t know about this guy yet. I feel like I read somewhere that said techniques like this word association game are basic, and ultimately don’t really improve a patient’s mental health. I don’t want to judge, but I’m paying him to help me, and if it’s not doing me any good, then there goes more cash down the toilet. Toilet; now. It’s not an emergency, but I could do with a break. Only then do I notice that we’ve both been silent for the past three minutes; me in my own head, and him waiting patiently for me to come back out of my shell, like a turtle; beach. “Are you ready to talk about your father?” he asks me. Father; stern. Stern; justified.

Friday, January 1, 2021

Microstory 1530: Cloze Tests Test

This is going to be one of the most ________tal microfiction experiments I have ever done. They will all be cloze tests. What is a cloze ________? Well, you might have heard of Mad Libs before, and this is a similar situ____. For the former, a ________ is tasked with tasking their ________ with supplementing the missing words from a paragraph in a ________. Underneath each blank is a part of sp____ch, which prompts them to choose a word without having any context to the paragraph’s ultimate meaning. The ________ of the game is to come up with the craziest and ____iest story in the end. A cloze test, on the other ________, is not generally meant to be ________. You’ve probably done them in school, where you’ve ________ a film, or read a ________, and the teacher asks you to prove your comprehension without having to ________ an entire summary from scratch. My cloze “________” will be short fictional ____ies, with no particular theme, and no ________ way to connect them all together. The words I omit will be ____ly selected. If writing this ________ is any indication, then I will be ________ the blanks as I go along, rather than ________ the whole story, and cutting ________ out afterwards. I may do it differently to see how that ________. As you’ve seen, I occasion____ put part of the word, and have you ________ in a blank before or after it, with only a morpheme or two. I may even make it even wilder, and put blanks in very _nusu_l places, with single character blanks. Pay no attention to the length of the blank ________. It is of no indication ________ long the word you fill in should be, and will probably only ev____ be shortened when only part of a word is missing. I don’t want to tailor the length to any given ________ I have in mind, because I still ________ you to be able to come up with whatever narrative you feel makes the most sense—or the least sense, as it were. This might be one of the ____best things I’ve ever tried, and it might make me ________ like a ________in’ ________, but as I’ve ________ before, the point of this website is to experiment with nontraditional forms of wri__ing. That last blank was meant to be writhing, by the way. Hopefully this makes for an interesting read, and isn’t so distracting or vague that it means nothing. There’s little I can do to test it out myself, since I always do have a word in mind, and will always read it using those. If you don’t like it, then ____tive criticism is fine, but don’t go around calling me a ________ ________ ________ ________, or a ________ ________ ________ who can’t even ________ when ________ is on ________, you piece ________ ________, standing there with ________ and ________ ________ ________ shoelaces around your ________. Okay, maybe some of these will be a little funny.

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Microstory 1258: Entodo Purcell IV

The Purcell family was always rich enough to afford what they referred to as domestic servants, all of whom spoke barely any English. They preferred it this way, so it would be easier to not see them as real people. They had very strict rules that were impossible to follow about where these servants were meant to clean, and how much. The cleaners would regularly have to reaffirm their directives, often by saying the Spanish phrase en todo? which means throughout. They were asking if the homeowners wanted them to clean the entire room, or not. Their young son, of course, didn’t understand what the phrase meant, but as he grew older, he lost his excuse for his ignorance. There were plenty of books in the Springfield library, some of which would have helped him translate, but he chose to ignore them. When the entire town was sucked into a portal, and relocated to the planet of Durus, the Purcell’s employees no longer had any reason to stick around. Money didn’t mean anything here, so they moved on, and started new lives. The Purcells struggled with this new dynamic, and did not care for the fact that they now had to clean up after themselves. That little boy went on to name his own son Entodo, under the assumption that it was a proper first name. He believed he was doing it in honor of his family’s former workers, and even when the townsfolk laughed at him for his choice, he stuck to his decision. The family made it a tradition, and named all the firstborn sons Entodo, until the fourth one came along after the turn of the 22nd century. He was the only one who was bothered by it, which was frightening and weird, though he never changed it. Technically, he didn’t use his first name much when he was an adult. He joined the army as soon as he was old enough, and he always asked people to address him by his rank. After the war—which ended before Entodo IV’s birth—devastated the lands, all the once separate towns of Durus were pulled together into one giant city. The few monsters that had survived were scattered about, and rare. Society was run by the police, so there wasn’t much need for an army. Still, he was invested in “protecting the borders” as he would say. It was his dedication that propelled him through the ranks, until he reached Common. Over the years, now that Springfield was completely cut off from the rest of Earth, language had been transformed slightly. It was still totally intelligible, but there were a few random words whose meanings had changed, or new terms based on confusions. The word general can mean universally applicable, or it can be short for Captain General. The military rank of Common on Durus is the result of morons who neither understand this difference, nor bothered to figure it out. So here he was, Common Entodo Purcell IV. He was proud of who he was, where he had come from, and what he had accomplished. But he shouldn’t have been, because his story was uninteresting, and his impact on history was minimal.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Microstory 841: Subtweets

Birds. They have language. Most people think that animals aren’t really saying much when they make their noises, and for the most part, they’re right. Birds, on the other hand, are the second most intelligent species on the planet. Since Douglas Adams already took the joke about humans not being the first, I’ll just go ahead and confess that we actually are. It’s important to note that birds are in a fairly distance second place to us, but it’s possible to learn their words, and communicate with them. My mother, for instance,  is fully fluent in no less than twenty-seven avian dialects, of which she has attempted to teach me maybe half. As a normal child, with plans to only interact with other humans, I never paid attention to her lessons. There without the grace of God goes my brother, who listened intently, and now knows more bird dialects than mom, as well as squirrel sign language. Despite my reluctance to communicate with our feathered friends, I ended up learning more than I realized. Earlier this morning, I was walking through the woods, as I do, when I heard some chirping. I thought little of it, because that’s where those things live, so it wasn’t weird yet. I wasn’t even trying to translate what they were saying, because who cares? I admit that the songs they were singing drew me in, and I felt warm inside. It almost seemed like they were directed towards me, a possibility only reinforced by the fact that the songs never wavered, no matter how far I walked. Though it was hard to make them out through the branches, I started thinking they were following me around, like maybe they knew I was related to a birdspeaker. I decided that whatever they know, or think they know about me, I needed to find out what they were saying, just in case. I closed my eyes and harkened back to my school days, concentrating on remembering everything my mother tried to teach me. I was surprised to learn how much I had retained from that period in my life, and soon I didn’t have to try to so hard to interpret them. They were saying horrible, nasty things to me. I can’t even repeat them here, they were so bad. The closer I focused, the more I understood how angry they were with me, for no apparent reason. They were actually threatening my life if I didn’t get out of their territory right quick. Is this what birds are saying when we’re around? I thought they just talked about how pretty each other’s ultraviolet wing designs were, and reminded each other that they were related, so they wouldn’t accidentally mate. But if this is the truth, why did my mom not warn me about it? And if she did, why did she not make sure my mind was wandering. Anyway, long story short, I didn’t run out of their fast enough, so you tell me, Doctor; can Baltimore orioles carry rabies?

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Missy’s Mission: Hotspot (Part VI)

“It’s not possible for there to be more than one time book?” Dar’cy asked skeptically.
“There is nothing written in the time book. It is simply capable of absorbing and displaying any book within its own pages. In order to do this, it has to have a deep quantum connection to every single thing that has ever been written and published. And I mean every book, at all points in time, in all realities, and all universes, which would include other time books, if they existed. It’s like the internet, but better.”
“What makes it better? No videos?”
“That’s not the point, Dar’cy,” Missy said. “All we’re asking is for help finding the words to one book in particular, Mister...”
“Lorenz. But my first name is Ildemire.”
“Ildemire,” Missy continued, “is there any way for your time book to...intuit which book we’re looking for?”
“You would have to use the index.”
“Great, let’s try that.”
“In order to do that, you’ll need to start with the narrowest concept first. If you’re trying to find a certain book about horses, you wouldn’t search for animals, or living creatures. That would take too long. So how specific can you be? You said you don’t know which book, but what do you know about it?”
They thought about this, and the obvious answer was, “cure for time powers”.
“Too long,” he said. “And too broad. Like I said, you’ll be pulling books from multiple universes.”
“Cure for chooserism,” Missy offered.
“How about just chooserism, then we can narrow to cure for?”
“You’re the expert.”
He opened the book to the first page, and took out a pen. “Now, remember that I created this out of nothing. I couldn’t just wave my hand, and the book would magically appear. It took me years to program, so it’s not the most efficient. I am planning a newer version, though.”
“Okay,” they both said.
Ildemire wrote the word Index at the top of the page, underlined it, and waited for the following pages to fill up with almost nothing but blackness.
“What is that?” Dar’cy asked.
“It’s the entire index,” he started to answer, “written in text so small, that it’s completely illegible. That’s why we have to narrow it.” Right under his first word, he wrote the letter C, which caused the text to jiggle around a little, but it still appeared to be about as small as before. He wrote the h, then the o, and so on until he had completed the whole word. The text was still incredibly tiny, but they were starting to discern space in between the lines. He wrote cure for, and now they could make out actual words. The index seemed to be operating more on sounds, than on letters. They could see options for the cure for charisma, the cure for nazism, and the cure for terrorism. And evidently someone had, or will have later written books on solving the problem of tourism. “Here it is,” Ildemire said. “Cure for chooserism. There’s only one book about that. Let’s see, it’s called Missy’s Mission.”
“Oh, click on that,” Dar’cy said.
“No,” Missy warned. “That’s my book. We cannot read that.”
“It’ll clearly have the answers,” Dar’cy argued.
“It won’t if we read it,” Missy returned.
“Huh?”
“It’ll create an ontological paradox,” Missy explained. “If we only know how to get rid of my time powers because we read about a future where we get rid of my time powers, then where did the concept originate? Did I figure out how to cure myself, or did the book just tell me? The answer can’t just come out of nowhere.”
“But it’s already written. Future, past; what does it matter?”
“If we select this, and it’s written, all we will learn is of our failure. It cannot tell us something we don’t already know.”
“That sounds reasonable,” Ildemire said. “And what you said earlier given me an idea. You don’t need a cure, because your condition is not a disease. You just need to remove the powers.” He scratched out cure for on the input page, and replaced it with removal of.”
Removal of chooserism makes little sense,” Dar’cy pointed out.
“It’s worked, though. One book came back as well, and it’s not your own. It’s not even from the future. Hotspots: A Look into Places of Great Power on Earth, and Beyond. Ever heard of it?”
They shook their heads.
“Well, let’s take a look.” There was no way to click on the item, which Ildemire hoped to be able to do in his second creation. Under everything else he had written, he penned the name of the book they were looking for. The rest of the pages transformed, leaving them with fairly large font. “Sorry, there’s no way to adjust that. It’s always goes from the first page to the last. It can’t remove pages, or just leave them blank. As I’ve mentioned, this was my first try.”
“This will be fine,” Missy said graciously. Thank you so much for your help.”
“Yes, thank you,” Dar’cy said. We’ll call if we need any further assistance.”
He laughed. “Oh, no. I don’t leave this book out of my sight.”
“Well, that’s gonna be a problem,” Dar’cy said.
“No, it won’t,” Missy corrected. “We completely understand.”
“We need privacy.”
“No, really, it doesn’t matter. He can always read the book himself after we leave.”
And so the three of them started doing research, trading the book around as certain concepts intrigued them. They ended up skipping all the information about Earthan locations, like Stull, Kansas and Mount Roraima, and went straight to the section on Durus. Words, sentences, and even entire paragraphs in this section were completely blank. There was clearly meant to be text, but it had been erased, likely by time itself. “I’ve never seen anything like this,” Ildemire said in horror. “My time book reads every book. It’s not supposed to have any gaps.”
“Maybe the original edition of Hotspots is also special,” Missy suggested compassionately, “and they interfere with each other, like how the only thing that can cut a diamond is another diamond.”
“Or a laser,” Dar’cy added.
He sighed and dropped the book in Missy’s lap, so he could concentrate on palming his face. “Well, I hope whatever you’re looking for is in there somewhere. I don’t understand why it didn’t pull the whole text. That’s never happened before.”
“I have faith that what’s here will be enough.” She let him wallow while she lifted the book and started reading. “Few have ventured to this dark world, searching for a way to remove their time powers. Choosers, for the most part, like what they can do, but there are those who consider it to be a curse. There is no evidence that anyone has ever succeeded—where have I heard that before?—but if the answer lies anywhere, it’s in a terrible region derivatively known to the natives as The Abyss.
Ildemire let out a chirpy laugh. “I’m sorry, it’s just funny. Of course the one place you’re not allowed to go is the one place you need to go. Fate would not have it any other way.”
“The Abyss sounds bad, what is it?” Dar’cy asked.
“Long ago, this world was overrun by monsters. My ancestors created the Mage Protectorate to secure our borders, and keep them at bay. But all they really did was stall, while the enemy enhanced their forces. A full-on war broke out, and humans were almost completely obliterated. But then one young woman with immense power turned the tide, and won it for us in less than an hour, at the end of which she closed the massive portal that was drawing those monsters from another universe. Still, the Abyss remains active, to this day. No apparent monster can come through to our side, but we have every reason to believe we can now travel to their side. Everyone who has tried to study what’s going on in the haze has disappeared for good.”
Missy and Dar’cy gave each other a look, remembering words of warning that all choosers who attempted to do what they were trying now had indeed gone missing. “Dar’cy, this is one of those moments where I remind you that you have no obligation to help me. I can move forward on my own, but if you try to go with me, you may never come back.”
Dar’cy picked up a little figurine on Ildemire’s desk. “Does this have sentimental or monetary value?”
“Not really,” he replied. “Why?”
She showed it to Missy. “We’ll take this with us. If we experience issues, we can always come back here yesterday.”
“Dar’cy I’m serious. Just because you have a way out doesn’t mean you should come along in the first place. Besides, we don’t even know whether this will take us to another universe, let alone if you can thread across them.”
“I know. But I am coming with you. We’re a team.” Dar’cy redirected her attention to Ildemire. “Can you take us to the Abyss?”
“I can show you how to get there, but I won’t take one step towards that place.”
After Ildemire gave them directions, Missy and Dar’cy went home to rest up for the week. While they were waiting to work up their courage, they decided to sell the house, which gave them enough money to afford a bag of holding, plus a year’s worth of food and supplies to take with them. Once they were ready, they started making the long trip out to the mysterious area where no one goes. Everyone they asked refused to teleport or drive them anywhere near it, so they were forced to walk, stopping to camp at the end of each day. Weeks later, they were at the edge of a slow and quiet storm. Smokey masses billowed in front of them, threatening to remove all sense of direction. An automated message from another one of those solid holograms, this one of a security guard, warned them to turn back. They ignored it, and pressed on.
They tied themselves together with a rope that was a few meters long, but they still tried to stay within sight of each other, which was difficult with visibility at maybe one meter. It seemed like a good idea at the time to give each other some breathing room, but it proved to not be good enough. At some point, the rope broke, either by being worn out, or perhaps because a mischievous monster left behind from the days of old cut it on purpose. However it happened, it separated them for what Missy believed to be several minutes. She just kept wandering around, eventually finding herself in a clearing of the haze.
Dar’cy came out of a farmhouse that was sitting in the middle of the open area, and walked out to greet her. “You’re finally here.”
“How long has it been?” Missy asked, afraid to know the answer.
“Two years.”

Monday, May 7, 2018

Microstory 836: Goodbye Children

I’m standing in the corner. I’m the one who first discovered the message, but I’m nobody, so I just need to leave it to the professionals to deal with all this, and figure out what’s going on. When I noticed it, I thought it was some kind of hoax, but it still meant someone had tampered with one of the most precious documents in our nation’s history, so I had to alert my superior. She didn’t understand it either, so she reached out to her own boss. He didn’t know what it was about, so he went up the food chain, and on and on it went. No one knew what to make of it. We hear footsteps out in the hallway, and this feeling that we’re in the presence of darkness. A man walks into the room, immediately commanding it, even though no one seems to know exactly who he is. “What does it say?” he asks. The woman with the highest clearance there steps back from the table, and hands him the magnifying glass. “Goodbye, children. Please pretend you’re fighting for our cause,” he reads aloud. “Hm.” He’s thinking these words over. In the more than two hundred years that the United States Constitution has existed, no one has ever seen this. These words suddenly just appeared, right before my eyes, like they had been written in invisible ink. But I was just selected to place the document in a new encasement. Was that it? Was exposure to the air in the lab what revealed these words? Or was it something else? The mysterious man continues to think over what he read, then he nods. “So it’s time.” He leans over to someone in his entourage, and issues some kind of order, which prompts the lackey to leave. Then he scans the rooms, ensuring that he’s made eye contact with everyone here, but he misses me, because like I said, I’m nobody. “In May of 1836, President James Madison requested access to this copy of our Constitution. His petition was granted, not only because he was a former president, but also the Father of the Constitution, so it belonged to him. Acting as the last surviving member of Constitutional Convention, he encoded this message, designed to appear at a grave time in the future, when the country was at a turning point. The reëlection of a black man to the presidency seems to have triggered this event, and called my people to action. We were created decades after Madison’s death, interpreting his words to mean that our country must remain great. It will take the world four years to fully understand, but we are in charge now.” Then he takes out an assault rifle, and kills everyone here, but misses me, because I’m nobody.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Microstory 783: Joy Girl

I wanted to take a moment clear a few things up about my approach to sexuality in my stories, because the way they do things in these worlds may be a bit confusing. As I believe I’ve said before, homosexuality has never been condemned on these so-called “fictional” worlds. People tend to identify as bisexual, recognizing sexual acts as independent of love and/or procreation, but not always. But this sex positive position goes deeper than the acceptance of diversity. In our world, we have strong opposition to certain positions, like exotic dancing, pornography, and prostitution. Even the word pornography means “obscene painting”. Likewise, the word prostitution has a longer history of referring to dishonorable harlots than it does the job itself, meaning you could be called that in the 16th century as an insult, before sex workers adopted it the term more formally. But that’s just us, and it’s not how it has to be. In other universes, these people are respected for their dedication to their trade as much as a stockbroker, or a coal miner. Dancers and adult film performers are treated as artists, who provide a necessary and specific contribution to the world of entertainment. Similarly, sex workers provide a service for clientele in a more intimate, and usually private, setting. They don’t use that vile word, instead choosing to be known as paramours, which carries with it an interesting linguistic twist, in that it’s a portmanteau of para + amour, signifying their status as more ‘parallel’ to love, rather than in true love. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding these jobs, a lot of it evidence of ignorance. They say that the only reason a woman would walks the streets is because of some psychological trauma they’ve been unable to come to terms with by “healthier” means. The most common of these claims is daddy issues, but setting aside my fiction for a moment, I want everyone to look at their wall and see if there’s a fucking psychology degree on it. If there is, I then want you to look back at your records and check if you ever even had a fucking conversation with these women to make a reasonable conclusion about their motives or history. To be more general, let’s all take what any pundit or commentator says about the mental capacity of a politician, celebrity, news subject, or subculture, with a grain of salt, and appreciate the fact that that is not goddamn how science works. To be sure, this stigma does not exist in my stories, and I do this to illustrate how our world could look like if you rethought your judgy intolerance for one second. People claim there’s a lot of abuse, danger, a drugs attached to these jobs, and that’s true. But those are peripheral consequences of the laws and opposition towards them, not the industries themselves. If these things were both legal, and socially accepted, plus regulated, do you think those actual crimes would continue? Localized data suggests otherwise. This became more of a tirade against our (in)justice system, when I set out to simply codify my narrative canon, but if even one person starts questioning their judgy attitudes towards other people’s choices, then maybe I’ve helped, even only in some small way. This story is dedicated to all the joy girls out there, empowered by their sexuality, not ashamed of it. They are the best kind of wild cards.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Microstory 776: Neener

Neener, neener, neener. We’ve all heard the phrase, but where exactly does it come from? Well, most will tell you either that they personally don’t know, or that no one knows. But I’ve discovered the truth. It comes from a long dead language—a branch in the Germanic language—that few have even heard of. In the thirteenth century, a schism arose between the Western Frisian Islands, and the Eastern Frisian Islands. While the rest of the Netherlands was busy evolving towards the Late Middle Dutch language, the Frisians Islands were sort of doing their own thing, especially the Eastern islands. They decided to arbitrarily develop their own dialect, almost completely independent of all others. Their goal was for their words to be completely unintelligible with their origins, which meant they would have to come up with a slew of new vocabulary, and a new way to organize them. Unfortunately for them, for as few people as there were living there at the time, this was proving to be easier thought than said. People were used to the way language was spoken before, and had underestimated what it would take to get used to something else. This constructed language quickly died out, but not before a complete list of new vocabulary and grammar was written down, in a dictionary so rare, only one copy of it survives today, possibly out of a total of only three. The words are bizarre, and their usage even more complicated. There appeared to be a set of grammatical rules with far more exceptions than true adherences, making it even more difficult to learn than Modern English. One word stands out amongst them, and answers the age-old question of where the childish taunting song comes from. Their word for no was neener, which resembled the standard Dutch form at the time more than any other translated word. With family ties to the Eastern Frisian Islands, this historical anecdote is what led tech magnate, Katrijn Arbeider to choose this when she founded her conglomerate, Neener Neener Corp.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Microstory 718: Burn the Book of Ivanka

A rather recent taikon called for the retirement of the Book of Light. This involved three stages of ceremony meant to establish a deep reverence for its words, allowing us to move forward, while remembering the past for what it is. Upon discovering the Ring of Culture, and beginning to learn its secrets, we now understand the lies Sotiren Zahir and Eido Ivanka told us. We have placed both the latter, and the resurrection of the former in exile on a private jarl world that was long ago abandoned. We still don’t know what we’re going to do with them, though Highlightseers and galaxy leaders are weighing our options. Their exact location remains unknown to most, for their safety, and for everyone else’s. Unlike the retirement of a divine book, the taikon calls simply for the Book of Ivanka to be burned. Now that we know how terrible of a person Ivanka is, and always was, we realize we cannot do what we did with the Book of Light. A retirement still allows those words to be read and taught. This we cannot allow when it comes to the Book of Ivanka, which was written out of hate, and a thirst for power. We need something permanent...irreversible. One suggestion was to round up every hard copy of the book, and destroy it, while ordering all who own the book to delete it from their virtual readers. This would be impractical, of course, and we could never really know whether every copy was gone. Others suggested we disseminate a virus to destroy the virtual copies, but that still doesn’t account for the hard copies, nor would it work for any device removed from the data network. No, the only way to do this would be to use powerful technology we’ve never been able to control before. For the last eight years, scientists have been studying quantum phenomena, like the quantum darkness, and the Forces of Virtue, of which there is still one left. An elite team of researchers believe that they have come up with a satisfying solution. We will spread a virus across the galaxy to destroy Ivanka’s words. But unlike a computer virus, it will be able to reach every single copy—in any form—whether connected to the network or not. Hard copies will even dissolve until the pages are illegible. Hard copies will even dissolve until the pages are illegible. Virtual formats will be corrupted, and completely unsalvageable. The time of the eidos is done. We are moving on to greater, and more rewarding, things, in a universe of equality and community.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Microstory 673: Book of Mateo

We often credit Sotiren Zahir with the Book of Light, and it’s true that he was the primary author, but it was still a collaborative effort. The Book is actually a collection of “books” that fit best with describing and affirming the Lightseer’s way of life. It recounts historical events, as well as predicting future ones, and it gives an outline of Lightseed culture. It is one gigantic tome, leading readers to be grateful that we no longer rely on books printed on paper...like animals. Of all the books collected in the Book of Light, there is one missing. One of the most common questions that come from our youngsters still learning to accept the Light is why is there no Book of Mateo? This can be added to the mountain of questions regarding Eido Mateo, some of which have recently been cleared up. What we now knows is that Mateo was never what he was. The man we know by that name was at the time being possessed by the consciousness of the man we love as one of our founders. It is his wisdom that we should be searching for. Unfortunately, this man never stays in one body for too long, and his true name has never been revealed. The resurrected Sotiren has recently admitted that even he is capable of missing out on key information that’s hidden in the darkness. He was not aware of his lover Mateo’s true nature when he first spoke of the Book of Light’s need of an addendum. He had predicted long ago that the Book of Mateo actually had already been written, and would eventually be found, and included in a later edition. In a press conference, he expressed his sorrow over the news that this would not be. He was concerned about what would happen to the taikon, and didn’t know if there was any way for them to continue. Out of all the obstacles keeping the Light from covering all, could this be the one that snuffs it out entirely? As fate would have, this was not so. The Book of Mateo does indeed exist, one offering a new perspective on life and reality. As a 52-volume set, The Advancement of Mateo Matic recounts the life of the man born with the name, before and after being possessed by the eido. Taking place in another universe, this story involves time travel, loss, and opposition. A physical copy of it was discovered in a secret cargo hold of the Bar Catel as it was being prepared for a later taikon. Though it’s still unclear who exactly wrote these volumes, they were quickly adapted for their new audience, and will be inserted into the newest edition of the Book of Light.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Counselor

So these aren’t going as well as I’d hoped. I started writing short fiction not really knowing how short is short, and how short is too short. The early ones are the shortest, but grew longer the more I wrote, and I ended up settling into a range of about 300 to 500 words. I know that length isn’t supposed to be all that important, but look at one next to the other, and the story with only 150 words just doesn’t look right on the screen. It looks like I didn’t have much to say. And that’s always true. The length is always a decent indicator of how great of a hold I have on the material. But as you may have noticed, these are sort of danglers. I like my series to be grouped in nice and large chunks. I’ve been thinking of the Headlines series a lot more than these Personalities, and have even written a few of them already, so they are just naturally bound to be better.

As I’ve said, I identify most with the Counselor personality type, but it’s not what you think. Real Counselors derive satisfaction out of helping others. It’s never done that for me, though. Community service, holding doors open for people, making sure to accommodate everyone around me are just things that I do. You see, the real world doesn’t interest me all that much, or rather it’s hard for me to be too invested in it. The imaginary mind palace I’ve created for myself is no less vivid than my desk that’s in front of me right now. I can always and no matter what, about as close to literally as possible, escape to another world. These can have been created by others, or by me. I can jump into Fillory, take a Nexus to Ceres, then stroll down the block in Wayward Pines, before relaxing on Tribulation Island. When I’m here, in the real world, I ultimately don’t need all that much. So when someone wants something out life, the only thing I need to get past before helping them with that is my physical indolence. Real Counselors really want to help, and they get something out of that.
The Counselor in my story is the same way. He’s a diplomat from a recently deveiled planet. For reference, a veiled planet is one that exists without any knowledge or witting interaction with people from elsewhere. My characters operate under what are called The Priorities. Priority Two is like the Prime Directive in the Star Trek franchise...except not...because it’s the exact opposite. When you go out into space and find a veiled culture, there’s this unwritten rule that you share with them everything you know. Allowing war, disease, and other horrors found in underdeveloped civilizations when you have the power to stop it is considered by most people who contribute positively to society to be immoral. The Counselor knows very little about interplanetary relations, and galactic conflicts. He is not officially a member of the team, because he literally didn’t sign up for this, but everyone accepts him just the same. His life is in constant danger for his frequent attempts to have civil audience with a threat, and everyone is always having to protect him. As he becomes more jaded, however, he eventually learns to protect himself.

The Counselor likes learning about other people, and tries to figure out their motivations so that he can make everyone as happy as possible. He knows intellectually that you often can’t give someone what they feel they need without taking something away from someone else, but he doesn’t want to. He always tries to look for the solution that pleases everyone, and even though the team’s enemies treat him as an enemy as well, they have a level of respect for him, and tend to give him the benefit of the doubt. Though he does learn to adopt certain military values, and even develops some violent tendencies, he never lets go of his diplomatic leanings. At one time, he becomes a powerful force in the galaxy as the leading negotiator. There’s no telling how many conflicts he’s ended or prevented, along with his own team of counselors.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Microstory 427: Floor 16 (Part 1)

Before I started working for Analion, the instructions for their products were as boring as any other. There was no substance, no heart. They just told you how to install the windows or whathaveyou, and that’s it. Well, writing is not just about knowing where to put the commas. It has to take hold of the reader’s soul, and make it feel something it never has before. How do you do this? There are a number of different methods, the most common of which being metaphors. My boss told me that I’m not allowed to use metaphors—which I think defeats the purpose of life, but okay. So instead, I like to use little tricks to get the brain thinking in a new way. I order my words in unusual arrangements, and often leave words unsaid to lead the reader to make their own conclusions, and form their own opinions. I also like to do something most writers never would. I keep it short.