Friday, November 18, 2016

Microstory 455: Floor 31 (Part 2)

Negotiator: Get me on the line with Snowglobe Collective.
Assistant: Ma’am, are you sure about that? I thought we were going to let that go.
Negotiator: One of us is a world-class negotiator, and the other just has an associate’s degree.
Assistant: I have a bachelor’s.
Negotiator: Really? What the hell are you doing here?
Assistant: Well, it’s more compli—
Negotiator: Just dial the phone.
Assistant: Here.
Negotiator [on the phone]: Loreto, how are you doing? Listen, I had a chat with my associates, and it looks like we’re open to making a deal.—No, no. I assure you that things have not gotten worse.—Okay, yes. It’s true that we’ve experienced some further loss, but that has nothing to do with the company. Alpha committed suicide in the atrium...and the elevator crashed.—We had nothing to do with that. You think a window company employs anybody who knows how to install an elevator? Have you ever seen a construction company that also makes elevators. Those are always third parties, always.—I understand that, but it’s not a symptom, it’s a freak occurrence.—Of course our asking price will be dropped. I do recognize that these recent problems devalue the organization, I’m not an idiot.—No, if you wait to close the deal, the price won’t go down even further. You can’t just wait until we starve to death. We will get through this, with your help, or without. If you don’t make this deal now, the scandal will blow over and we’ll come back stronger than ever.—I honestly believe that. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. I’m not a liar. Look, we both know that you need this more than I do. If this company goes under tomorrow, I’ll just find another job. This is to your benefit. It’s kind of stupid that a company called Snowglobe Collective doesn’t own any subsidiaries.—Okay, well any relevant subsidiaries. You need something big, you need it now. Come to the table and we can hammer this out like men.—It’s an expression.—Loreto, Loreto, just listen.—If I sound desperate, it’s just because—hello? Hello? Shit.
Assistant: Did he hang up?
Negotiator: Yes, Assistant, he hung up. Just get me my coffee.
Assistant: We’re not allowed to leave the floor.
Negotiator: Don’t we have a machine up here?
Assistant: Not yet.
Negotiator: Go downstairs, tell anyone who gives you trouble where they can stick it, then order me a bloody espresso machine!

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