General Counsel: Research Lawyer, could I speak to you for a minute?
Research Lawyer: Yes, sir, coming, sir.
GC: How long have you worked here?
Research Lawyer: Too long to be fired, and not long enough to be fired. Sir.
GC: Cute answer, but I’m serious. I assure you 110% that you are not being fired.
Research Lawyer: Three years, sir.
GC: Do you enjoy working here? Do you like spending all your time reading law books, researching precedents, and preparing reports.
Research Lawyer: I do, sir, yes. I love it. I find it to be phenomenally rewarding. I’m the kind of woman who likes to get to the answer. I like winning, sir.
GC: Quite. But have you ever aspired to do something more? Have you ever wanted to interact with our clients, and the opposition? Have you ever wanted to work upstairs?
Research Lawyer: To be honest, sir, I have thought about it. I’ve never made any attempt to do so, you’ve probably noticed that. I’ve never put in a request, or even tried to drop hints. I would be honored by a promotion, but I can’t say I’ve ever truly considered it. Like I said, I like finding the answer. I cannot say whether I would be 110% happy with moving upstairs, but I can tell you one thing: I would be happy with contributing to this organization in any way you, or it, feels is necessary. If you want me up there, sir, then I promise to give you my 110%. Sir.
GC: A fine answer, I would say, but we would need to work on it. I would require you take some classes. I know you went over this stuff in law school, but I have developed a specific program designed to teach lawyers how to communicate with others. We wouldn’t be teaching you to lie, mind you, but you would learn how to hold back your strategy until it’s time to release it. Am I making myself clear?
Research Lawyer: You are, sir, yes. Very well said, sir.
GC: Good. Well, I’m afraid I’ll have to insist on you moving on up. We’re not firing all our lawyers, but we need some change. This whole window business has gotten us in a bind, worsened by all these deaths. I need a fresh face, Research Lawyer, and I think you’re the perfect one for the job.
Research Lawyer: Thank you, sir! Like I said, I would be honored. I won’t let you down, just tell me what to do.
GC: Just start with packing up your things. Any maybe go to the nursery and buy some houseplants. This place is depressing.
Research Lawyer: Yes, sir!
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