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Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Microstory 448: Floor 38 (Part 2)

Human Resources Representative 1: Hey, HR Rep 2, what do you think about the influx of criticism we’ve received regarding our methods?
Human Resources Representative 2: I believe that they are completely valid, and something we should be thinking about.
HR Rep 1: You think we’re doing something wrong here?
HR Rep 2: I got into this business to help people. All I feel like I do is go over relationship disclosures and file performance reports.
HR Rep 1: You don’t think we’re helping by doing those things?
HR Rep 2: our own way, but I’m talking about actually helping, ya know? Making a difference.
HR Rep 1: Like a therapist? That’s a common misconception, bro. Don’t feed into that.
HR Rep 2: No, not like that. I just thought I would be guiding the organization more. I thought we would be able to make this place better. Maybe safer? I dunno. I just feel like we spend all this time filling out forms, but we don’t actually do anything. I mean, who gives a shit if Rob and Allen have started dating? We don’t speak to them about it, we don’t provide them with guidelines, or alter their personnel files. We just have them write it down, and then we put it in a drawer. Does that not seem weird to you? I feel like HR departments in other companies serve some kind of purpose.
HR Rep 1: Yeah, you’re probably right. I guess it just doesn’t bother me too much.
HR Rep 2: Okay, so as a general rule, HR has several responsibilities. We could theoretically handle recruitment, which we do, but not us in particular, that’s a different floor. We could be involved with payroll, but that’s all automated nowadays. Hell, even what little training Analion provides our employees is handled by an artificial general intelligence. Communication between departments is something we could probably help with, but they don’t let us do that. They would rather everything just fall into place automatically, which it doesn’t.
HR Rep 1: Are you worried about losing your job?
HR Rep 2: I feel like I already lost my job. I have these vague memories of doing all this work years ago, but now I spend a lot of time on solitaire. Are we a problem? Is the company spending too much money on us? Should they strip our department out and streamline it?
HR Rep 1: God, I hope not. I would hate it if everyone else lost their jobs.
HR Rep 2: Funny.

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